


Supermarket Flowers

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Casual Sex, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Jealousy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-10-18 05:59:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 72,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10610718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Aurora just lost everything she ever knew. Harry is about to go off on his first world tour as a member of One Direction, but all he really wants is to meet someone who likes him for who he really is, minus the fame and money. Will Aurora keep Harry tethered to normalcy? Will Harry be able to give Aurora's life meaning again?





	1. Written in These Walls are the Stories That I Can't Explain

It had been a long flight. Aurora had used the ten and a half hours in the air between San Diego to London to think over just what she was doing. She didn’t need to think about the travel plans, those were set in stone. Land in London, pick up rental car, drive to some middle of nowhere town called Holmes Chapel. She had a map printed out from the internet that she was hoping would get her there in one piece. She had a tendency of getting lost, and being lost in a country she’d never been to before was the last thing she needed right now. 

With all the details of the trip itself planned all Aurora really had to think about was why she was going to Holmes Chapel in the first place. All she had to think about was why she was spending unnecessary dreadful amount of time on an airplane headed in the direction towards a country she’d never intended on visiting. She had to keep reminding herself that this wasn’t a visit. This wasn’t a trip or a vacation. This was simply her ticking off a box on the checklist of things she needed to get done. Get to London, drive to Holmes Chapel, deliver the letter, get out. It was a 4-step process. There was no way she could screw this up.

Her mind drifted to the letter that was tucked safely in her purse. She’d been too afraid to pack it in her luggage. She needed to make sure she could see it, touch it, hold it, at any point in time. If she stowed it in her suitcase and the airline lost her luggage than this would all be for nothing. She couldn’t lose that envelope, she couldn’t let it out of her sight until it was in her grandparent’s hands. Her grandparents…

She hadn’t seen her grandparents since the time they had visited her and her mother in California when she was five-years-old. She was twenty-two now and seventeen long years had passed. she wasn’t even quite sure if she had the right address written down on the envelope, and except for an old photograph she had of her as a five-year-old sitting beside two older people, she had no real memory of what they looked like. But she was on a mission. Her mom had asked her to do one thing, and she’d be damned if she didn’t manage to complete such a small request.

Get to London, drive to Holmes Chapel, deliver the letter, get out. 

Aurora didn’t have any other plans. She was simply going to drive to Holmes Chapel, find the address she had written down on the worn envelope and do what she needed to do for her mom. She wasn’t looking to form a relationship with her estranged grandparents. She didn’t need a family that didn’t want her. Her grandparents hadn’t made an effort in seventeen years, and she sure as hell didn’t need them now. She had been just find with it being only her and her mom. Until now. Now she didn’t need anyone. 

The flight had been long, but before she knew it she was being handed the keys to the car she was renting for the next 48 hours. She didn’t need any more time than that. It was a three-hour drive from London to Holmes Chapel, give or take. She could have the car back tomorrow if she tried hard enough, if she had the right address and everything went according to plan. She wanted to spend as little time in the United Kingdom as possible. She had a life to get back to in California. Correction, she’d had a life to get back to in California. She had nothing now. She had nothing back in California, nothing except for the sun. The UK had nothing for her. 

Get in, get out. Aurora decided right then and there that would be her motor for the next two days. Get in, get out. 

She’d never been good with directions, in fact, she could remember one time when she’d somehow managed to get lost back home and her mom had jokingly bought her a compass for her birthday. She’d thrown it out years ago during a spring cleaning spree. She wished she could turn back time and keep every single little token of her mother’s love. She wished she’d hoarded away all the birthday cards and stuffed animals. She should never have gotten rid of anything. 

How was she supposed to follow the route on the printed map that was sitting on the passenger’s seat of the car when she continuously got lost in the city she’d lived in for her entire life? She wasn’t even wholly convinced she’d remember she was supposed to drive on the opposite side of the road for the next three hours. She was most definitely going to kill herself on this journey, or at least get lost. 

As she made her way out of London she turned the radio on only to be slapped in the face with Christmas music. “Shut the fuck up,” Aurora mumbled as she pressed hard on the off button. She should have known that the airwaves were going to be blasted with jolly carolers, it was the day before Christmas Eve after all. 

She used to love Christmas. It used to be the most wonderful time of the year. She used to spend hours upon hours searching for the perfect gift for everyone. That had all changed three weeks ago. Everything had changed three weeks ago. Now Christmas was just another thing that she would choose to ignore – that she needed to ignore. There was nothing wonderful or magical about Christmas anymore, not for Aurora anyways. 

She sighed out a breath of relief as London faded in the background. The road in front of her was quiet and wooded as she took a turn onto a smaller highway as directed by her map. The more north she drove the more isolated the road became. It seemed like it wasn’t often travelled, almost like that Robert Frost poem that she had once loved. Aurora didn’t mind the isolation, the quiet. With the rain slowly hitting the windshield and the quiet of the road, she almost felt at peace. She almost forgot about the journey she was on and the event that had led up to it. She almost forgot about the constant pain she’d been in for the past three weeks. She almost forgot these things, but she’d never actually be able to. Her heart wouldn’t, it couldn’t let her forget it all, not ever. 

Aurora was lost in the gentle tinging of the rain hitting the body of the car. She was so lost inside of her head that she didn’t see the deer until it was too late. It happened so fast. One second she was driving down a deserted highway listening to the rain tap the windshield, the next second her airbags were deployed and she was screaming at the top of her lungs. She’d never been in any kind of accident before, she’d never so much as hit a chipmunk. She slowly opened her eyes and silenced her own screams. Her chest ached from hitting the airbag, but she felt fine everywhere else. She was terrified to look out the now cracked windshield. All she’d seen before slamming her foot on the brakes was the deer turn its head towards her, eyes wide at the quickly approaching vehicle. Now she truly understood the old saying “deer caught in headlights”. Its eyes were as wide as possible and it looked as terrified as she’d felt in that very moment.

Aurora undid her seatbelt and slightly winced as she opened the car door and got out to assess the damage. She braced herself for what she knew she was about to see. The very idea of hurting an animal made her sick to her stomach, so sick that she could already feel the bile making its way up her esophagus. 

“Oh my god,” she breathed as she found the courage to move to the front of the car. All she could see was blood and the lifeless eyes of the beautiful animal – the animal she’d killed.

She leaned forward, bracing her palms on her knees as her body expelled the airplane crackers she’d consumed hours before. She couldn’t stop crying, she couldn’t peel her eyes away from the damage she’d done. How was she supposed to deal with any of this? How was she supposed to move the animal to the side of the road? How was she supposed to get to Holmes Chapel with a rental car that’s engine had basically turned into a chimney? 

Aurora’s attention finally moved away from the deer as she heard a vehicle coming from the same direction she had. It was the first car she’d seen since turning onto the deserted highway and she assumed it would be her only chance at getting any sort of help. She prepared to wave down the approaching black, expensive looking Range Rover but realized the driver was already pulling over onto the shoulder of the road. 

She tried to wipe away her tears as she heard the mystery driver get out of the car, boots clicking as her saviour walked towards her. 

“Bloody hell, are you alright?” his voice was deep, slow and husky. It was basically magic.

Great, Aurora though to herself, I hit a deer and puke on the side of the road and I get sent a fucking British god to save me. She could tell just by his voice that he was attractive. There was no way someone had a voice like that without looking like a model.

“Are you alright?” the British god repeated, quicker than before.

Aurora realized he probably thought she was crazy at this point so she took a deep breath and turned around, jaw dropping once her eyes met the owner of the fancy Range Rover. “I…um…I’m fine,” she stumbled as she took in his black skinny jeans, which were ripped in the knees, black petticoat and curly brown hair, a green beany covering most of it. Oh, and those eyes. She took a minute to lose her sanity in his emerald eyes. “I hit a deer.” Well, if that wasn’t the stupidest, most obvious statement ever she didn’t know what was.

“This road is pretty fully of them,” he explained as he moved to stand beside her, assessing the situation. “Have you called for a tow?”

Aurora stared blankly at him. She basically had no idea where she was, let alone a tow truck company to call. 

He laughed. “I’m guessing from your accent you’re not from around here. I’ll call for you,” he pulled a cellphone from his pocket. 

Aurora stood by awkwardly as he called a tow truck and reported the incident to the right department. She couldn’t stop looking at the deer. Its eyes were still open and she couldn’t look away. She knew she’d dream about those lifeless eyes for nights to come.

“Tow will be here in an hour,” his voice broke her staring contest with the dead animal.”

“Thank you,” her voice was barely a whisper. She wasn’t sure if she should acknowledge the fact that she knew who he was or wait for him to introduce himself. 

As if he’d read her mind, he outstretched his hand towards her. “No problem. I’m Harry by the way.”

“I know,” Aurora admitted, her face flushing with embarrassment.

Harry laughed. “Big One Direction fan? He drawled out his last word, realizing he didn’t know her name.

“Aurora, Rory actually,” she corrected herself. She’d always preferred the nickname. “And no, it’s just impossible to live in this world without knowing who Harry Styles and One Direction are.”

He laughed again, loving her honesty. “Well, Rory the non-One Direction fan, where are you travelling to?”

She hadn’t even realized that she hadn’t thought about her journey since before the accident. “Um…this little shit town no one’s ever heard of.”

“Try me,” Harry pushed, a confident smirk on his face. 

“Holmes Chapel.”

Harry broke out in laughter so deep that Rory thought she must have mispronounced the name or something. “What’s so funny?” she asked wearily, slightly insecure of herself.

It took him a minute to stop laughing and to calm down enough to speak again. “Well, Rory, that little shit town no one’s ever heard of happens to be my hometown,” he laughed again as a blush took over her face. “Don’t blush, love. You’re not a one direction fan, you’d never have known that. Although the blush is rather cute.” 

Rory rolled her eyes. “I’m not blushing, love,” she mocked his term of endearment. “I’m just freezing my ass off.”

“Let’s go wait in my car,” Harry stated as he turned and started walking back towards the Range Rover, not even waiting for her response. 

The way Rory say it, she had two options. She could stand outside in the rain for the next hour and freeze to death while she waited for the tow truck. Or she could follow the world famous boy bander back to his stupidly expensive vehicle and stay warm and deal with his already annoying self. She decided to prioritize her life over her sanity and followed Harry’s footsteps to his car.

“S’where are you from?” Harry asked the second she was in the car.

Rory sighed in relief as she felt the warmth of the seat heater engulf her. She hadn’t even realized how cold she’d been. “San Diego.”

“Why they hell are you driving to…what was it again? Oh yeah, just a little shit town no one has ever heard of?”

Obviously he would never let her live down the fact that she’d made fun of his hometown. 

Rory rolled her eyes, maybe she should have stayed out in the cold. “My grandparents live there.”

Harry was rubbing his palms together in an attempt to warm himself. “Spending the holidays with them?”

She groaned internally. Why the hell was he being so nosey? Why did she feel like she could tell him her life story? “I actually haven’t seen them for a while. I’m just going to drop off a letter.”

Harry looked at her curiously. “Seems like a really long trip to make to deliver a letter. Do you not have post service in California?”

Rory hadn’t really considered how weird her story would sound to other people. She probably should have just lied and acted like she was going to go spend the best Christmas ever with her loving grandparents. “It’s stupid, really.”

Harry’s face lost its confused expression and turned serious, yet somehow comforting. He could tell by her voice that it wasn’t stupid, not to her. “You can talk to me about it,” he began slowly. “I mean, if you want to. I know you don’t know me or anything.”

She didn’t know him, and yet she wanted to tell him everything. She hadn’t had the chance to get it all off her chest, and maybe a stranger was the best person to confide in. She would never have to worry about seeing him again, not in person anyways. She didn’t even know where to begin. 

“My mom hadn’t seen her parents in a long time, like seventeen years actually, and she wrote them a letter and asked me to give it to them. So that’s what I’m doing,” it was rushed, it was like an eighth of the whole story, but it was something. And it felt amazing to say it out loud. “And I don’t actually know if I have the right address for them, I mean, fuck, I don’t even know for sure if they’re still alive. So, I didn’t want to send it in the mail and it just disappear. It was really important to my mom, so I thought coming here and finding them myself would be better.”

“You’re talking about your mum in the past tense,” Harry stated simply, quietly. Rory wondered if he always talked this slowly. Maybe he thought so deeply about his words before he said them that it took an unusual amount of time for them to actually come out of his mouth.

“I guess I am,” Rory whispered. “I’ve never actually don’t that before.” It felt natural when she’d done it. The words had just spilled out of her mouth so simply and easily. That was what scared her the most. How could only three weeks have passed but it already be so natural to live in a world where her mom didn’t exist? She figured it must be shock. There was no way that she felt okay with this reality, not yet, probably not ever. 

“You don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to,” Harry had turned his body in the driver’s seat so that he was looking at her head on, his green eyes trying to read her brown ones. He didn’t know this girl, but something inside of him knew that he wanted to, that he was meant to get to know her and have her in his life. It was strange. He’d never felt like this before. He’d never met someone and felt an instant sort of pull towards them, as if they’d been meant to meet their entire lives. What the hell did they call that again, Harry wondered to himself. Serendipity. He wanted her to know that he was capable of being more than the guy she thought he was. He needed her to know that he was a real person underneath the fame and money and stupid little pop songs. He cared about people, and he may not really know her but he wanted to care about her too. He needed to care about her. 

Rory closed her eyes just for a moment, just long enough to replace her vision of Harry’s green irises with her mom’s blue ones. “She died.”


	2. Darling, just hold on

They sat in silence of a couple of minutes. It wasn’t awkward. It wasn’t uncomfortable. Harry didn’t know Rory, but he could tell she needed the time to think – or maybe to not even think at all.

“Sorry,” Rory finally said as she wiped her final tear away. “I’ve never actually really said any of that out loud before.”

Harry didn’t know if he should feel good about that or not. She obviously felt comfortable with him. “Do you want to talk about it? I…uh,” he stumbled to find the right words. “I don’t want to push it if you don’t want to.”

She shook her head. “I do,” she admitted. “You must think I’m fucking crazy. You were just trying to help a girl who hit a deer and now I’m unloading my life story onto you.”

Harry instinctively took her hand in his, catching himself slightly off guard. He stared down at their hands for a second, noticing how tiny hers looked in his giant one. “I don’t think you’re crazy, love, not even a little.”

Truthfully, Rory had been wanting nothing more in the past three weeks than to talk to somebody, anybody really, about everything that happened. She wanted to talk about her mom to anyone other than the doctors, funeral home employees, and the lawyers that she had been dealing with for what felt like forever. She hadn’t expected to find the person she’d open up to on the side of a highway while a dead deer lay in the middle of the road, but here she was. She was sitting in Harry Styles’ fucking Range Rover with her hand engulfed in his, and all she wanted to do was tell him everything. She knew nothing about this guy except that he sang a bunch of stupid pop songs with four other pubescent looking boys and that he made a ridiculous amount of money for it. But she already knew that he talked so slow that it could drive somebody crazy. She also knew that he had a kindness in his eyes that she’d never really seen in anyone else before.

“She was diagnosed with breast cancer last year,” Rory started suddenly, drawing Harry’s attention away from their clasped hands back to her face. “She had chemo and a double mastectomy. She was supposed to be okay. They told us she had a really great chance at beating it because they’d caught it before it was too late.”

She paused to catch her breath. She’d replayed this over and over in her head for the past three weeks. She’d relived the last year of her life every night when she closed her eyes and drifted to sleep. She’d never said any of it out loud, and saying it out loud was a lot harder than she thought. “Sorry,” Rory choked as she wiped helplessly at her tears. Harry didn’t say anything, he just moved his thumb in circular motions on her soft skin, a feeble attempt to let her know he was there, that she was safe with him. 

“We thought she was better. She was supposed to be better, but she started to get these really bad nosebleeds and they did another scan and that’s when,” Rory closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “That’s when we found out it had spread to her brain. She wasn’t really the same after that. The doctors tried more chemo and radiation but they couldn’t stop it from spreading to more places or getting worse. She passed away three weeks ago.”

“Oh, love, I’m so sorry,” Harry pulled her towards him, wrapping his arms around her even those the console was in between them and they just couldn’t quite get close enough. But he held her anyways, as tightly as he could without hurting her small frame. He tried to ignore the fact that her blonde hair smelled like peonies. He tried to ignore the fact the scent made his heart race. “So, the letter?” 

Rory pulled back, letting her hands drift away from Harry’s body and back into her lap. “My mom and my grandparents hadn’t spoken in seventeen years. I don’t really know what happened, my mom never really talked about it, but she wrote them a letter a few days before she died and asked me to get it to them.” 

“Have you read it?” 

She shook her head. “I wanted to. I almost have about a dozen times. But it felt wrong, invading her space like that. I mean really, whatever she wrote, it doesn’t really change things, not for me anyways.”

Harry was using all of his will power to fight the urge to bring her close to him again, to hold her in his arms and breathe in the floral scent of whatever shampoo she used. He didn’t know what was going on in his head or why he felt such a strong pull towards some random stranger he’d met on the side of the highway, but he didn’t want to give it up. He couldn’t let her get in a tow truck and drive away without ever seeing her again. Their story couldn’t possibly only consist of a dead deer and a conversation in his car. 

“Let me drive you there,” the words came out before he could stop them, before he’d actually even really processed them. 

Rory almost had to ask him to repeat himself because she’d almost missed them. His words had been rushed, so much faster than anything he’d said up until then. “To Holmes Chapel?”

Harry nodded, his pink lips turned up into a smile. “Wouldn’t you rather spend the next three hours with me instead of some middle-aged tow truck driver?” when she didn’t smile at his failed attempt to flirt, he pressed on, internally panicking that she’d say no. “It’ll give you a chance to talk more, get all your anxieties out before you get to your grandparents’ house.”

Rory thought about his offer. Somehow sitting in a car with Harry for the next three hours sounded a lot better than sharing the journey with a complete stranger of a tow truck driver. But Harry was a stranger too, in all sense of the word – he was a stranger who knew about the worst thing that had ever happened to her. He didn’t know the darkest parts of her, but he knew pieces of it. He knew more than anyone else, and she didn’t know a single thing about him except that he was a member of the world’s biggest boy band. 

“Why the fuck not?” Rory shrugged, a small smile playing at her lips. She had nothing left to lose at this point. He’d seen her helpless at the side of the road, he’d seen her cry, he’d held her in his arms. What harm would another three hours with this boy possibly do? 

The tow truck arrived shortly after Rory had agreed to travel with Harry, signing the next three hours of her life away to a pop singer. She watched in the passenger seat of the Rover as the tow truck slowly began to take the totalled rental car back into London. She had no idea how she was going to get back to the city for her flight home, but she couldn’t worry about that just yet. She had to get to Holmes Chapel, she had to deliver the letter. And if that meant trusting some curly haired guy whose eyes seemed to sparkle then so be it. 

“The most important part of a road trip is good driving music,” Harry stated as he reached for his cellphone that had been sitting in the cup holder.

Rory rolled her eyes. “For the love of god, let me be in control of the music.”

Harry’s thumb paused just before hitting the play button. “My car, my music,” there was no way this girl had better taste in music than he did.

Rory searched through her purse for her own iPhone, desperate to save herself from the horribly music Harry was sure to play. “You’re a boy who sings pop songs for a living.”

Harry’s jaw slacked slightly. Why were people always throwing that in his face. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

“I don’t really feel like listening to Justin Bieber and Katy Perry for the next three hours is all.”

Harry’s hand fell to his chest in offense. “Just because you think I listen to fucking Bieber, you get absolutely no say in what we listen to.” He dramatically pressed play on his “driving” playlist and put the Rover in drive.

Rory’s ears filled with 60s rock, the Rolling Stones playing through the car’s surround system. “I concede. You’re a boy who sings pop songs for a living and likes somewhat decent music.”

Harry’s grip on the steering wheel tightened, his knuckles almost turning white. She needed to stop. “I’m not a _boy_ either. I’ll be nineteen in like a little over a month.”

Rory rolled her eyes. Was that supposed to impress her? “My bad, curly. You’re a man who sings pop songs for a living.”

He didn’t have anything to prove to her, he owed her nothing, but there was something about her that made him want her to know the real him. He wanted her to know the pieces that the rest of the world didn’t know. He needed someone out there to know who he really was. He needed someone in the universe to know that he was so much more than what One Direction made him out to be. He needed someone to keep him tethered to reality, to dig him out of the fame, rumours and fans. He needed a lifeline, and there was something about this random girl that made him want it to be her. 

“Aren’t you dating Taylor Swift?” Rory asked randomly as she checked her messages on her phone. Nothing. Of course there weren’t any texts, she’d lost the person she’d talked to the most. 

Harry groaned, keeping his eyes on the road both for their safety but also because he didn’t want to see the judgment that was probably radiating from the pretty blue eyes sitting beside him. “I thought you weren’t a fan?”

“I’m not,” Rory responded. She couldn’t even imagine how many girls probably pretended to have no idea who he was just to get close to him. She couldn’t even begin to imagine how many crazy fans probably followed his every move and wouldn’t give him an inch of privacy. She wasn’t one of those, she needed him to know that. “I like to read the tabloid headlines when I’m in line at the grocery store,” she admitted, her face blushing as if it was some dirty secret.

He took a second to look at her just then, a smirk playing on his lips. Rory internally noted that his dimples were probably the best thing she’d ever seen in her life. “If I tell you the truth are you going to sell my story to the Inquirer?”

“Only if they give me a good offer,” she joked back. 

Harry chuckled, enjoying the fact that she could keep up with his weird sense of humour. “I don’t think I can trust you with the dirty little details of my life,” he looked at her again briefly, his smile twitching. “What about you? D’you have a special someone back in California?”

She would have found his question weird if she hadn’t just asked such an intrusive personal question a moment earlier. Why had she even felt the need to confirm his relationship with Taylor Swift? It made absolutely no difference in her life one way or another. “No,” she responded quietly as she looked out her window, taking note of the light dusting of snow that sat on the trees. 

He could sense the shift in the air, the way Rory had seemed to go from light and carefree to dark and weighed down. The last thing he wanted was to see her cry again, the sight of tears falling from her crystal blue eyes had been painful enough the first time around, but if she needed someone to sit in silence with her while she let go than he’d do that for her. Minutes passed in silence as Rory lost herself in her head and Harry focused on the road and the soft sound of the girl beside him breathing. He thought he could hear her sniffle every once in a while, but he didn’t want to sneak a look at her and encroach on her privacy, he didn’t want her to feel like she had to pretend to be okay just because she wasn’t alone. 

“What the hell am I even supposed to say to them?” Rory finally broke the silence as she turned her head in his direction, taking note of his profound jawline and the way his adams apple bobbed as he swallowed before responding.

“To your grandparents?”

She nodded her head. “I can’t just be like, ‘hey, remember me? I’m that granddaughter you haven’t seen in 17 years. Oh by the way, your daughter died three weeks ago.’ Like that seems kind of messed up.”

Harry shrugged, wishing he had some words of comfort for her, any advice at all. “It’s kind of a unique situation, but I think your mom probably wrote everything they need to know in that letter. If you wanted you could just put it in their mailbox and not see them at all.”

“I need to know it’s really their house though, I need to make sure they get it.”

Harry thought for a moment, trying to come up with any way to help Rory. “I could give it to them. I could knock on their door and make sure it’s them and give them the letter.”

Rory hadn’t expected to hear him say those words. She hadn’t expected someone she barely knew at all to offer to do such a huge thing. “Why would you want to do that for me?” 

He shrugged again, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel along to the beat of the Fleetwood Mac song that was playing. “Because you’re a good person…I mean…you seem like a good person whose been through a hell of a year. And I think you deserve to have someone on your side.” 

“You don’t even know me, Harry,” Rory reminded him, her voice quiet. “I could be the worst person you’ve ever met.”

Harry chuckled slightly at her over exaggeration. “I’m a fairly good judge of character, love, and I can tell you’re probably one of the best people I’ve ever met. I mean, you were devastated after hitting a deer with your car,” he smiled, trying to prove just how genuine he was being. “Besides, I think we’re going to be great friends and friends do shit like this for each other.”

Rory smiled at his words, but she would never ask him to do something like that for her. It was her own burden to bear. “Great friends, huh?”

“Obviously.” 

“But you can’t trust me with the small detail of your love life?”  
Harry laughed as she used his words against him. “Nope, not until we’re at best mate status.”

The rest of the car ride to Holmes Chapel went by quickly, which surprised Rory. She’d never in a million years thought she’d be sitting in Harry Styles’ Range Rover letting him drive her to his hometown. She never thought she’d be holding his iPhone, scanning through his iTunes library and choosing the songs to play on their road trip. And yet here she was, making fun of him of him for being in a boyband and for the fact that she did indeed find Justin Bieber’s music downloaded on his phone. Here she was, sitting in the passenger seat of Harry’s car, laughing along to his ridiculously pathetic sense of humour and asking him questions about what it was like to be living his dream. She wanted to get to know him. She wanted to know every little detail. None of this made any sense to her though. She’d met this boy only a few hours ago and yet she wanted to be his best friend. It was all rather stupid really. 

“Here we are,” Harry announced as they drove past a _Welcome to Holmes Chapel_ sign. “Are you ready?” 

Rory took a deep breath and pulled out the envelop, her mother’s printing on the front telling her where to go. “I don’t think I’ll ever be ready.”


	3. We Will Find a Way Through the Dark

“This is it,” Harry announced as he pulled up in front of a small bungalow and cut the engine to the vehicle. 

Rory took a deep breath, double checking that the house number on the house matched the one on the envelope. “Thank you, for everything.”

Harry tried to smile, but it didn’t feel like a smiling kind of moment. “Are you sure you’re going to be alright? I can come in with you.”

“It’s okay, I’ll be okay.”

Harry wasn’t convinced and held his hand out, palm up. “Let me put my number in your phone, that way if you need anything at all you can call me.” 

She didn’t know if he was just using this as a way to get her number or if he was genuinely concerned that she wasn’t going to be okay. Regardless, Rory put her phone in his hand and watched as he saved his number as a contact and sent himself a text message so that he would also have her number. 

“Text or call me and I’ll come get you, okay?”

Rory nodded her head as they both climbed out of the Rover. She met Harry at the back of the vehicle as he opened the hatchback and pulled out her luggage. “Thank you.”

Harry ran a hand through his curls. “Stop thanking me,” he took a deep breath as he gained the courage to pull her into an embrace, his arms wrapping around her small frame. He made a mental note of the fact that she was a good foot shorter than he was. “I’m glad you hit that deer,” he spoke into her hair. “I’m glad I got the chance to meet you.”

“Me too,” she whispered, trying to memorize how it felt to be near Harry, not so much in the physical sense but in every way. Rory hadn’t felt more herself than she had while sitting in Harry’s car. He had given her something that she couldn’t quite describe. They barely knew each other, but in a way it felt like maybe Harry knew her better than anyone else did. She’d shared her secrets and her pain with him, and she needed to memorize what it felt like to be able to share those things with another breathing entity. She doubted she’d ever see Harry again, and she was shocked by the way that the very thought of never seeing his face again made it hard for her to breathe. 

“I’ll wait out here until you go inside, just in case it’s not the right place,” Harry said as he finally let her go. 

“Goodbye, Harry,” Rory stood up on her tippy toes and placed a single kiss on his cheek. It was a thank you and a goodbye all in one. 

Harry watched as she walked towards to the house, her luggage rolling behind her. A part of him hoped that this journey worked out for her, but the selfish part of him hoped that his phone would be ringing at some point later that day and that it would be her name lighting up the screen. He sat in the driver’s seat and watched as Rory rang the doorbell and waited. He felt his chest deflate when a small woman with grey hair answered the door and let Rory inside. He made sure the sound was turned on on his phone before he pulled away from the curb and drove in the direction of his family’s home. 

* * * *

Rory rang the doorbell and looked back at Harry’s Range Rover one last time. He was keeping to his word and waiting until he knew she had the right address. Her heart was beating a million beats per second as she waited for someone to answer the door. She needed to get this over and done with. She needed this chapter of her life to be complete. She inhaled sharply as she heard the lock being turned from the other side of the door. She tried to remember the lines she had rehearsed for the last three weeks, but her mind was going blank as the door slowly opened and an older woman with grey hair smiled at her from the other side of the threshold. 

“Can I help you dear?” the thick British accent interrupted her thoughts and Rory was brought back to reality, the reality that she was possibly standing in front of her estranged grandmother. 

“Um...,” Rory struggled to find the right words, if there were even any right words. “Are you Margaret Walters?” she was fully aware of the fact that she seemed like a downright insane person. 

The woman’s eyes narrowed in confusion as she searched Rory’s face and tried to decide whether she looked familiar. “Yes, can I help you?”

Rory took another deep breath and decided to just dive right in, there was no point in wasting any more time. “I’m Aurora,” she watched as recognition spread across her grandmother’s face. “I’m your granddaughter.” 

Margaret’s mouth fell slightly at Rory’s words, but she was quickly stepping aside and urging Rory inside of the house. Rory slowly walked inside, not even having a chance to look back one last time before she could hear Harry’s car drive down the road. Her stomach was doing somersaults and she didn’t know if it was because she was currently standing in her grandparents’ house for the first time in her entire life or if it was because Harry Styles was gone and she’d probably never see him again. 

“Come in and sit down,” Margaret took the handle of the luggage from Rory and set it down in the hallway. “Would you like something to drink? Something to eat?”

Rory shook her head as she followed her grandmother into a small kitchen. As a little kid she’d fantasized about what her grandparents’ house would look like, and it was strange just how well the real thing had matched her expectations. It was clean yet cluttered, there were pictures hanging on the walls and trinkets sitting on shelves. It was something she would have loved as a kid, but it was something she’d grown to resent as an adult. She’d missed out on all of this, and she had no one to blame but the people who owned this very house.

“Nicholas, come see who’s here,” Margaret called as she turned a kettle on. “Take a seat, dear. How do you take your tea?”

Rory burrowed her eyebrows in confusion. She’d just taken a seven-hour flight, had hit a deer, had spent three hours in a car with a famous person and now her estranged grandmother was asking her how she took her tea? She wasn’t even going to bother to ask her why she’d travelled across the ocean to see people she didn’t even remember? “Black is fine,” she replied as she tapped her fingers on the kitchen table. 

Just as Margaret was placing three mugs of tea on the kitchen table, a tall man entered the kitchen and looked at Rory curiously, but he didn’t say anything. He took his usual seat at the table and waited for his wife to sit down and explain what was going on. 

“Nicolas, it’s our Aurora,” Margaret announced once she’d sat down and placed tea cups in front of everyone. 

_Our_ Aurora? What the hell was that even supposed to mean, Rory thought to herself. She’d only ever belonged to one person, and that had been her mother. These two people sitting at this wooden table with her knew absolutely nothing about her. They hadn’t sent a single card in the mail or made a single phone call in the last seventeen years. She didn’t feel connected to them in any way at all, except for maybe the blood running through her veins. But they weren’t her family, and they had no right to make it seem like they were. 

“Aurora?” Nicolas’ voice was low and rough, a definite sign of his aging self. Rory remembered her mom handing her the letter and telling her she had to get it to them as soon as soon as possible because they were already 75-years-old and she didn’t want to run out of time. Rory laughed internally. Age was no sign of death, that much she knew. Her mom had only been 40, and yet she was still gone. 

“Don’t be ridiculous, Nick. Aurora, Lillian’s girl,” Margaret explained when her husband didn’t immediately make the connection. Rory had to wonder if he even remembered who Lillian was, if he even remembered that he’d had a daughter once upon a time. 

“Oh, oh my!” Nicolas’ face lit up with a smile once he realized he was sitting beside his grandchild. 

Rory tried to smile. She wanted to pretend like she was somewhat happy to see them, especially considering how excited they seemed to be, but she just couldn’t bring herself to fake the emotion. She didn’t understand anything. They’d actively chosen not to be a part of her life and yet here they were, sitting around and acting perfectly happy to be reunited with their estranged granddaughter. Nothing made any sense. 

“Lillian finally changed her mind?” Nicolas looked between Rory and his wife. “Where is she?”

“Where is who?” Rory asked cautiously. “What do you mean she changed her mind?”

Margaret put her hand on top of the one Rory had resting on the table. “Your mother hasn’t returned our calls or letters or anything in years. She’s made it perfectly clear she doesn’t want us in her life. But dear, we’re so happy you’re here. We’re so happy you’re here despite everything that’s happened all these years.” 

“Lilly didn’t come with you?” Nicolas asked again. There was genuine disappointment in his blue eyes, which Rory realized was where her mother had gotten her beautiful eyes. Nicolas and Lillian had the exact same ocean blue irises. 

Rory shook her head, pulling her hand away from her grandmother’s. “What do you mean she hasn’t returned your calls or letters? You haven’t even tried to contact us. There wasn’t one phone call or one letter in the mail. There was nothing at all.”

It was Margaret’s turn to shake her head, her eyes wide in disbelief. “No, dear, that’s not true. We tried for years. Even after that visit all those years ago when she told us she never wanted to talk to us again. We called and we wrote and we emailed, but we never heard back from her. She couldn’t accept the fact that we didn’t agree with her life choices. She thought we were being cruel. But we just wanted what was best for her.”

“What are you talking about?” Rory demanded. 

Margaret sighed and sat back in her chair. “Your mother hasn’t told you the story?” when Rory shook her head she continued. “Your mum met your father when she went on a trip to America with her friends after she finished school. Surely she told you that’s when she got pregnant?”

The truth was, Rory’s mom never talked about the man who got her pregnant. Rory had spent her entire childhood asking questions about her father but never got any answers. The most her mom would tell her was that he bailed when Rory was really young and had never looked back. Rory eventually gave up trying to find out more, because the truth was, her mom never made her feel like she was missing out on anything. Her mom had been everything she’d ever needed.  
“All I know is that his name was Marcus and he left when I was little,” Rory answered truthfully. 

“Well, dear, I suppose it isn’t my place to say anything more. Your mum really should be the one to tell you the story of your father.”

“And the bastard he is,” Nicolas piped in. 

Rory was desperate for more information. She’d craved for more information her entire life, whether she’d realized it or not. “Please tell me.”

Margaret looked at Rory curiously. “She didn’t come with you? I suppose she’ll never get over all of the fights we’ve had over the years.”

Rory didn’t want to tell them the truth until she had the information she wanted. She knew if she told them that her mother had died that they wouldn’t be in any position to sit down and talk. They’d act like the worst thing in the world had happened to them when the truth was that her mom’s death didn’t change a single thing in their lives. They hadn’t been practicing parents for seventeen years. They had no right to be devastated. 

“She couldn’t come,” it wasn’t a lie.

Margaret laughed lightly. “I’m sure she didn’t want to come either,” she took another look at her granddaughter and tried to picture her as the little girl she’d been the last time she saw her. “Anyways, your mum graduated from school and wanted to be a big girl and go on a trip with her friends. They went to California where she met your father. When she came home six weeks later she brought him and told us she was pregnant. We didn’t like him from the start. He was older, I think he was twenty-three and he was a spoiled brat of a rich kid. Lillian told us that she was going to move to California to be with him and that his parents were going to take care of them. We tried to stop her, but she was an adult and thought she knew what was best. When she left we were barely speaking. She thought that we were against everything she was doing. Obviously we weren’t thrilled that she was having a baby at eighteen, but we just wanted her to stay here where we could make sure she was okay and that you were both healthy. We didn’t think Marcus was what was best for her, and sadly we were right.”

Rory’s mind was reeling. She’d obviously known her mother had barely been an adult when she got pregnant, and she knew that her father had left when she was pretty young, but she didn’t know that her mom had gone off to a foreign country and had met a random guy and gotten pregnant. 

“I have a picture of you guys in San Diego, I was about five in the picture. What happened after that visit?”

When Margaret started talking again Rory realized that Nicolas was a lot like her mom – quiet and thoughtful. “We came to visit hoping to convince her to move back home. Your father had left three years before that and she was living all alone with you and we wanted to help her. But it somehow turned into this big fight and she told us she never wanted to hear from us again.”

Rory was shaking her head, immediately knowing that Margaret was telling the story wrong. Her mother would never have actively chosen to alienate her from every single family member she had. Her mother had worked so hard to make Rory happy, she wouldn’t have cut her off from her grandparents. “She wouldn’t have done that.”

“I wish she hadn’t kept you from us, we’ve missed out on so much,” Margaret continued. 

Rory was just plain mad now, her blood beginning to boil. “She didn’t keep me from you, you chose to not be in our lives. Don’t blame this on her.”

“Ask her yourself, dear. She hates us so much that she couldn’t even come here with you,” Nicholas finally spoke up. “That boy brainwashed her years ago.”

“I can’t ask her myself,” Rory’s voice and hands were shaking as she pulled the envelope from her bag. “She asked me to bring this to you,” she announced as she put the envelope on the table and rested her hand on top of it, keeping it in her possession until she could tell the whole story. “I didn’t come here to catch or to make up for lost time or anything like that. I came here to do the last thing she asked me to do.”

She’d thought about these words for so long, trying to choose the best ones possible. She’d tried to come up with a speech and stick to it, but her mind was blank now. There was no easy way to tell someone that their estranged daughter had passed away, but she needed to do it, she needed to finish this simple task so she could start rebuilding her life again. 

“My mom, she…” Rory thought of Harry in that moment and how he’d told her she was a good person. She thought of the way his eyes washed over her in calming waves, making her feel like she could do anything in the world. “She wrote you this letter before she died.”

The room was filled with silence as Margaret and Nicolas looked at Rory with blank expressions, not believing the words that came from her mouth. When it became obvious that they weren’t comprehending what she was saying, Rory continued. “She had breast cancer that spread to her brain. She died three weeks ago.”

“What are you talking about?” Margaret’s voice was a whisper, barely even audible.

“She’s dead,” it was blunt and possibly the wrong way to word it, but it was the truth. 

Nicolas sniffled, wiping a finger under the lens of his glasses. “Why are we only finding out now? Why didn’t someone call us when she got sick? Why didn’t you call us when she died?”

Rory couldn’t help but snort at his words. “It had been two decades since you last talked to her, why would she call you to tell you she had cancer? Why would she think you’d even care?”

“Of course we care! She’s our daughter,” Rory could see the emotions coursing through Nicolas’ veins. “We would have wanted to be at the funeral.”

“There was no funeral.” Rory didn’t want to talk to them about this. Her mother’s illness and death had been her burden to carry and no one else’s. her grandparents didn’t have the right to know the intimate details of her life with her mom. She slid the envelope towards the family she didn’t know at all. “She wrote you this. I don’t know what it says but she wanted you to have it.”

“Where are you going?” Margaret asked as Rory stood up from the table and began to make her way towards the front door.

Rory turned around, annoyed with the sadness in her grandmother’s eyes. “Back to London so I can go back home.”

“Stay,” Margaret stated, holding the envelope to her chest as if she was afraid it might blow away. “It’s Christmas, you should be with family.”

Rory felt her chest tighten. She didn’t need someone telling her what she needed. What she needed was to check this off her list and never step foot in England again. “I lost my family three weeks ago.”

“Don’t do this,” Nicolas said, his voice almost begging. “Don’t make the same mistakes she did.”

Rory couldn’t take it any longer. With every word that came out of their mouths her chest tightened more and more, and the last thing she wanted was to have a panic attack in front of strangers. She needed to get out. “You’re not my family. DNA doesn’t make someone your family,” she took a deep breath before taking another step towards the door. “I hope you get whatever you need from that letter.”

They didn’t even bother to fight her further. They just watched her with wide eyes, marvelling at how much she was just like their Lillian. She was defiant. She was independent. She was stubborn. 

Rory was basically running down the sidewalk, thankful that her luggage was light. She had no idea where she was going – all she knew was that she had to get as far away from that house as possible.

Right on cue her phone buzzed, letting her know she had a new message.

 

**From: Harry <3  
Hi love. I just wanted to check on you. Hope you’re doing ok. I’m here if you need me x .H. **

Rory wanted to roll her eyes at the way Harry had saved his name in her phone, the red heart standing out among all of her other contacts. But no matter how much she wanted to hate it, she felt a sense of calm and relief wash over her. She didn’t know what she was supposed to say to him. She didn’t want him to think she was a walking black cloud. She wanted him to see – to know even – the person she used to be. The only problem was, she needed to find that girl again, she’d been missing for so long.

**To: Harry <3  
Hi Curly. The deed is done. Just trying to find the train station in this stupid town (no offense) **

Her phone buzzed again right away

**From: Harry <3  
Where are you? I’ll come get you **

Rory didn’t even question whether or not she should accept his offer, she just looked at her surroundings trying to figure out where she was.

**To: Harry <3  
I’m across the street from some sort of park? **

She stayed put, waiting for Harry to text her back. She was worried that if she wandered off too far that she’d get lost and Harry wouldn’t be able to find her, even though there was no possible way to get lost in a town this small. A couple minutes passed without another message from Harry, which Rory found odd since he’d messaged her back so quickly before. She wouldn’t blame him if he’d changed his mind – there were probably a million better things he could do with his time than save her for the second time that day. 

Rory watched as a black Range Rover drove up the street, slowing and stopping along the curb of the sidewalk she was on. She rolled her eyes when the window rolled down to reveal Harry sitting behind the wheel. “You know, “park” is kind of really vague,” he drawled as his face broke out into a grin, his dimples on full display.

“Shut up,” Rory feigned annoyance when really, she was overjoyed at the sight of him. Harry laughed as he got out of the car and put her luggage in the back hatch before opening the passenger door for her. “If you’re trying to kill me with chivalry, it’s working.”

He laughed again as he got into his own seat and started to drive down the road. “I guess I better practice being an arsehole for when I’m touring in America.”

“Thanks, by the way,” Rory said genuinely. She looked out the window, trying to put the conversation she’d had with her grandparents out of her mind. “Your house is either freakishly close or you were lingering nearby waiting,” she added as she eyed him suspiciously.

Harry took a hand off the wheel to move his hair out of his eyes. “Neither, actually. I was just in the neighbourhood picking up some stuff from the shop for my mum.” He hoped she’d missed the way his cheeks reddened at being caught. He had been driving around aimlessly since dropping her off, waiting – hoping – that she’d text or call him asking for him to come pick her up. 

“Where are the bags?” Rory interrogated as she looked around the vehicle, not finding a single grocery bag in site. 

“They didn’t have what she needed.”

She laughed then, whole heartedly, for the first time in what felt like a long time. “It’s kind of scary how good you are at lying.”

“I’m not lying!” but Harry’s face said it all – he couldn’t wipe the smirk off his face. 

They fell into comfortable silence as Harry drove down the streets of Holmes Chapel. Rory couldn’t deny the fact that the town was somewhat beautiful. It was old and quaint and she’d probably like it if it wasn’t also the town her grandparents lived in. she could imagine her mom growing up here, running around in the parks and walking up and down the main streets, shopping in the little stores. She wished she had pictures of her mom as a kid, but she hadn’t brought any of them with her when she’d moved to California and Rory wasn’t about to ask her supposed family to give her any. She always just imagined she’d looked just like she did when she was little – light blonde hair, small frame, except her mom would have beautiful blue eyes instead of Rory’s boring brown ones. She liked to think she’d inherited all of her best features from her mom, and that the brown eyes had been a curse from her deadbeat dad who could give her nothing else except for his average and mundane eye colour. 

“This doesn’t look like a train station,” Rory observed as the car came to a stop in the driveway of a three-storey brick home. 

“That’s because it’s not,” Harry replied as he undid his seatbelt and turned to face her. “No one should spend Christmas alone.”

She was shaking her head before he could say anything else. He was supposed to pick her up and drive her to the train station. He wasn’t supposed to bring him to his family’s house and try to convince her to stay for the holidays. “Harry, I told you I’m not doing Christmas this year.”

He didn’t even have time to register his actions before his hand was gently falling onto her knee. He tried to ignore the fact that his hand was big enough to cover her entire kneecap and the way his fingers danced on the fabric of her jeans. “Whether you like it or not, love, Christmas is going to happen and it would be so much better for you to be here than all alone.”

Rory wanted to yell at him for being just another person who told her what was good for her, but instead she closed her eyes and counted to five in her head. She had just met him, but she didn’t want to drive him away already. “How about I come in for a little bit and I’ll think about it?”

Harry smiled, his thumb moving in circles on her knee absentmindedly. “I’ll take what I can get.”


	4. Pages Between Us Written With No End

Rory watched as Harry’s mom wrapped her arms around her son and kissed his face over and over again. It had clearly been a long time since they’d seen each other and Rory couldn’t help but smile at what seemed to be their great relationship. A part of her heart ached as she realized she’d never have this with her mom again, but she pushed it aside, trying to forget about everything and just live in the moment, at least for right now. 

When Harry’s mom finally let go, Harry put his hand on the small of Rory’s back and encouraged her to move forward. “Mum, this is Rory, the girl I mentioned on the phone.”

Rory barely had time to register the hug that the woman was now pulling her into. All she could think about was the fact that Harry had called his mom and talked about her. She wondered what he’d told her, if he’d kept her story his secret or had shared it.

“Mum, leave her alone,” Harry whined. Anne always managed to embarrass him, especially if there was a girl involved.

“Sorry, sorry,” Anne laughed as she let go of Rory. “Harry told me you’re stranded out here for the holidays. I really hope you’ll stay with us.

Rory shot Harry a look, her eyebrows raised. Of course he was going to use his sweet mother to convince her to stay in Holmes Chapel for Christmas. “I don’t want to impose.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Anne countered as they moved further into the house. “We love meeting Harry’s friends and Gemma will be so happy to have a girl around. You can stay in Harry’s room if that’s okay?”

Rory’s mouth went dry as she realized that Anne was under the impression that her and Harry had been friends for longer than just several hours. All she could do was nod her head in agreement and follow Harry up the stairs, her luggage in his hands. 

“Don’t worry,” Harry laughed once they’d reached his room. “I’ll take the floor.”

“You didn’t tell her we just met?”

He shrugged as he sat on the edge of his bed. “Doesn’t really matter. It feels like I’ve know you forever.”

Rory felt her cheeks flush at his words, even though she felt the exact same way as he did.

“Besides, she probably wouldn’t be okay with us sharing a room if she knew we’d just met,” Harry wiggled his eyebrows, a smirk on his face. “I don’t want my mum to think I sleep with girls on the first date.”  
Rory rolled her eyes. “First off, this is the furthest thing from a date. Secondly, fuck no.”

Harry threw his head back in laughter. He wasn’t used to girl not drooling over his attempts at flirting. Ever since the X Factor he had girls screaming his name anywhere and everywhere. If he was lonely it was never hard to find someone to share a bed with. Rory’s refusal to flirt back only made him want to flirt with her more. He found her attitude towards him was refreshing. It was almost as if he was the awkward kid he’d been all over again, before fame and puberty hit him hard.

Harry stood up from his spot on the bed and walked towards Rory, stopping only inches away. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep my hands to myself if you will,” He smirked, showing his dimples again. “I’m joking, love. I’m a good boy, I promise.”

“Your girlfriend probably has serious trust issues,” she was half joking and half being serious. If god forbid she ever had a boyfriend like Harry she’d never let him out of her sight.

Rory felt a small pang of guilt when the smile fell from Harry’s face. “I was joking, Rory. Anyways, let’s go back downstairs.” She hated the shift in Harry’s mood, wishing she could take back her stupid words. She hadn’t meant to hurt or offend him, not really anyways. 

Rory couldn’t help but enjoy the night as she got to know Harry’s family. Anne and Robin were warm and welcoming, making her feel like she almost belonged there. Harry and Gemma’s relationship rekindled the emptiness she used to feel as an only child. They got along so well and she couldn’t help but be in awe of how their entire family dynamic worked. She was jealous, and she was violently reminded of the fact that she was completely and utterly alone. 

“I’m so happy he brought you home for Christmas instead of Taylor,” Gemma said to Rory as they made a trip to the kitchen to refill their wine glasses.

Rory laughed as she took in the sour expression on Gemma’s face. She finally had the confirmation she’d been looking for. “She can’t be that bad.”

Gemma rolled her eyes as she poured the red liquid in each of their glasses. “I’ve actually never met her,” she giggled at her confession. “I just don’t like the idea of my little brother being another check off her list of celebrities to date. He should be with someone like you. You’ve be good for him.”

Rory choked on the mouthful of wine she’d just taken from her glass. “I highly doubt that. I’m far too cynical and sarcastic for him.”

The rest of the night passed by quickly. Rory didn’t even notice the time until everyone started heading off to their separate bedrooms. All of a sudden she was standing beside Harry’s bed, watching him pump air into a tiny air mattress.

“You’re way too tall for that thing,” Rory observed. “Just let me sleep on it.”

Harry shook the hair out of his eyes. “Do I seem like the kind of guy who makes the girl sleep on the floor?”

She rolled her eyes, which was quickly becoming her signature trademark. “It really isn’t a big deal. I’m like a whole foot shorter than you, I’ll be more comfortable.”

“Not gonna happen, little one.”

Rory couldn’t help but smile at the pet name he’d used. She was little and usually she hated when people commented on her 5’1 frame, but it was somehow different coming from Harry’s lips. It was comfortable and almost adorable – almost. 

“Why don’t we just share the bed?” she suggested, the wine she’d drank that night obviously affecting her decision-making skills. 

Harry’s hands froze, the pump stopping as he looked at Rory with surprise in his eyes. “Really?” that was the very last thing he’d expected her to say, especially since she’d been dodging his attempts at flirting all day.

Rory shrugged. “It makes more sense. It’s big enough for the both of us.”

“You don’t think it’ll make my girlfriend too jealous?” he had a wicked smirk on his face, using her line from earlier against her. It had pissed him off so much when she’d said it. Everyone was always calling him a flirt or a womanizer. Sure, he enjoyed flirting with the odd girl from time to time, but he would never treat a woman badly, and he would never do something to intentionally hurt anyone. 

Rory rolled her eyes yet again. “If it’s such a big deal just sleep on the floor. I was just trying to be nice.”

It wasn’t a big deal, not to Harry at least. It wasn’t like sharing a bed with a different girl was cheating, no matter how attracted he was to her. He could keep his hands to himself. “I sleep on the right side,” Harry winked as he jumped onto the bed. “Uh, is it alright if I sleep in my boxers? I get really hot in my sleep.”

“I don’t care,” Rory responded as she climbed into the bed, pulling the duvet up to her chest. 

Rory lay awake long after Harry’s breathing had slowed down and evened. She could feel the heat radiating from his skin. She stared at the ceiling for what felt like forever, replaying the day over and over again in her mind. It had been one of the longest days of her entire life. She wondered if Margaret and Nicolas had read the letter yet, and if they had what they were thinking. She almost couldn’t believe she’d managed to deliver the letter at all, that she’d completed the one job her mom had given her. What was she supposed to do with her life now? She’d go back to a lonely condo, a job she hated and a city that barely felt like home anymore. She was angry. This wasn’t the way life was supposed to go, not even a little bit.

* * *

He couldn’t help but watch her sleep. He knew it was creepy, but the way her nose twitched and her hair fanned against the pillow made it hard to look away. She was beautiful in a way he wasn’t used to. He was used to being surrounded by models and celebrities, but Rory was just so naturally beautiful. She was gorgeous really.

Harry quickly diverted his focus when Rory began to open her eyes. The last thing he wanted was for her to think he was some sort of psychopath who liked to watch girls sleep. 

“Good morning,” Rory’s voice was groggy and quiet, which Harry couldn’t help but enjoy.

“What’s your middle name?” he’d meant to say good morning back, but apparently had no filter whatsoever.

Rory was taken aback for a minute. “Delilah, why?”

Harry smiled as he fought the urge to reach out and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “Just thought I should know my best friend’s middle name.”

She laughed at his ridiculous response. “What’s yours?”

“My biggest fan doesn’t know my middle name? I’m offended!”

Rory swatted at him, her hand landing on his bare chest. She pulled it away as fast as she could, feeling the heat from his skin pour into her own. “I’m the furthest thing from your biggest fan, hate to break it to you.”

Harry smiled wide, displaying his dimples that Rory already loved looking at. “It’s Edward,” he told her. He wanted to lay in bed with her all day just asking her questions. He wanted to know everything there was to know about her. “Are you okay?” he asked quietly when he noticed the far away look in Rory’s eyes. 

She nodded her head and sat up slowly. “Yeah, I just remembered that it’s Christmas Eve.”

Harry didn’t think twice about sitting up and putting his arm around her shoulders. All he wanted was to be able to comfort her in any way possible. “I don’t even know what to say. It must be so hard.”

Rory tilted her head so that it was resting on his bare shoulder. She was actually glad he didn’t know what to say. She was so tired of people pretending like they understood what she was going through, what emotions were constantly coursing through her body. 

“We have this tradition where we decorate the tree and stuff today,” Harry explained as his fingers drew circles on her shoulder. “Is that okay? If you’d rather do something…”

Rory stopped him before he could finish his sentence. The last thing she wanted was to keep him from his family. “It’s okay, Harry. If you don’t mind me hanging around then I’d love to join.”

“Of course I don’t mind, love. Christmas will be a million times better with you.”

Rory decided during breakfast that she could easily watch Harry’s family interact for the rest of her life and never get bored. They were hilarious and she couldn’t get enough of the stories Anne and Gemma told about Harry. She tried to stay as present in the moment as she could, trying not to seethe with jealousy at the family she’d never have herself. She tried to push the thoughts of her mom to the back of her head and ignore the fact that this was the first of many firsts that she’d have to go through without the most important person in her life. She tried to be grateful that some stranger had stopped by the side of the road and had saved her from being alone and miserable during the holidays. But as hard as she tried she just couldn’t do any of those things. She wasn’t alone, but she felt as if she was. She just hoped that the smile she had plastered on her face was convincing enough to the kind people who had taken her in. 

Rory stayed stationed at her spot at the table as Harry and Robin went outside to bring the tree inside. They’d gone to the tree farm the day before and had picked out the best one they could find. Rory had never had a real Christmas tree before, California weather didn’t exactly make for the best trees. She watched as Anne pulled down 5 mugs from the cupboard and started to make hot coco, one of the many Christmas traditions the family seemed to have. Rory lost herself in her mind while she tried to remember all of the traditions her and her mom had had over the years. They’d always put the tree up ridiculously early, usually the very first weekend of December, and they’d decorate it while watching reruns of Gilmore Girls, the show that seemed to be written about their very own lives. They’d order take-out from their favourite Chinese food restaurant and binge on way too many items from the menu. On Christmas morning Rory would wake her mother up like she always had as a child, except the time got later and later as the years went on. They’d open presents while drinking cups of coffee and listening to Christmas music on the radio. They’d spend the day doing at home facials and each other’s nails. It had always been perfect. All Rory wanted was to go back to those days and spend the rest of her life living them over and over again. 

“Hey, little one,” Harry put his arm on her shoulder, shaking her from her thoughts. “The tree is up and the coco is ready. Are you still up for decorating?”

Rory smiled softly as she looked up at him, his green eyes piercing through her as they tried to read her mind. She nodded her head and stood up from the chair, following Harry into the living room. She couldn’t help but gasp when she took in the site of the tree. It was massive, probably seven feet tall. It was full and the perfect shade of deep green, and the smell was almost intoxicating. The smell of the pine was consuming and amazing, and she never wanted it to fade. 

“It’s beautiful,” it was barely a whisper but loud enough for Harry to hear and smile down at her. “Mum and Robin always find the perfect tree.”

Rory couldn’t help but feel awful the entire time she helped Harry’s family decorate their Christmas tree. She wanted nothing more than to feel perfectly natural, as if everything was more than okay – more than normal. But every time she found herself smiling she felt an immense amount of guilt. She felt guilty for even being remotely happy. Her mom would never decorate a Christmas tree again, she would never drink hot chocolate or listen to Christmas carols. Rory had no right to enjoy the holidays. She had no right to smile or find any sort of peace or enjoyment. She should be miserable and alone. She shouldn’t be surrounded by these wonderful people.

“She’d want you to be happy, you know that right?” Harry had somehow materialized beside her while she was lost in her head. He hadn’t known her for a long time at all, but he was already so used to the way her face became clouded over every time she let herself get lost in her head. All he wanted was to save her from the pain she was going through. He wanted to keep her afloat, maybe then he would survive too.

Rory felt grounded the second she made contact with his green eyes. It almost scared her how comforting she found him. 

“I have an idea!” Harry’s face lit up with excitement. “There’s this outdoor rink at the park down the road. Let’s go skating!”

Rory’s eyes widened, both with fear and excitement. “I grew up in California, curly. I’ve never been skating before. I’ll probably break my ankle.”

Harry laughed, taking her hand and pulling her to her feet. “Don’t worry, little one, I’ll hold your hand the entire time. I won’t let you fall.”

Somehow Rory was now sitting on a park bench with Harry knelt in front of her, lacing up a pair of skates they’d borrowed from Anne. She was terrified, but full of excitement. She could remember watching the Olympics with her mom as a kid, and how she’d always wished she could be as graceful as the figure skaters. But she knew now that the second she tried to stand on the skates that she’d fall flat on her face and embarrass herself.

“I can’t do this,” Rory announced just as Harry finished tying up the skates.   
He laughed as he stood up, holding out his gloved hands for hers. “You’ve got this, love. I promise.”

“You better not let go of me.”

Harry’s smile widened as he pulled her to her feet, his hands moving to her waist to keep her from falling. “Oh, I wouldn’t dream of it.”

It was awkward at first. Harry skated backwards, his hands never leaving Rory’s waist as she stumbled on her skates. She clutched onto his arms, terrified that she’d fall if she let go. Harry’s arms were strong under her hands, and she couldn’t help but feel perfectly safe, as if he’d never let her get hurt. Once she became more balanced, Harry begrudgingly moved his hands from her waist and took her small palm in his own. There was no way he wasn’t going to use this time to make physical contact with her. He’d be an idiot to let the opportunity pass.

“See, you’re a proper natural,” Harry announced, smiling at Rory as they skated hand in hand.

Rory rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t wipe the smile from her face. She was the opposite of graceful, but she was happy. She loved the way the wind nipped at her face and the way her legs burned from using muscles she hadn’t used in a long time. It was perfect.

“Thank you so much,” she breathed as she closed her eyes and continued gliding along the hard surface.

Harry couldn’t help himself. He stopped and pulled on Rory’s hand so that her body was forced to turn towards his, not stopping until their chests were flush against each other and Harry’s hands were on her waist once again. He willed every ounce of inner strength to fight the urge to dip his head down and connect his lips to hers. As bad as he wanted to close the gap, he knew it wasn’t the right thing to do. Rory didn’t need some guy falling all over her. She needed a friend, a support system. It didn’t matter what Harry wanted, all he truly cared about was being there for her, in whatever way possible.

“What?” she was looking up at him with wide eyes, her breath hitched in her throat as she tried to predict his next move. 

Harry shook his head, trying to rid his mind of any selfish thoughts. “Nothing, love,” he spoke softly. “Was just enjoying the smile on your face. It’s beautiful. You should do it more often.”

Rory wasn’t sure if she was feeling disappointment or relief. For a split second she’d been almost positive that Harry was going to kiss her. She wasn’t entirely sure if she’d even remotely like it, but she was desperate to feel something other than the empty, depressed feeling that had been following her for the past several weeks. She wanted to get lost in something other than the feeling of her chest being ripped open and shredded into a million pieces. And a stupid, and rather small part of her thought that maybe Harry’s lips could provide the escape she needed.

“Thank you for giving me a reason to smile,” she was attempting to flirt, but she wasn’t even sure if she knew how to do that anymore. She wasn’t even sure if she wanted to flirt with Harry. All she knew was that she wanted to feel something – anything. 

“What are you doing for New Year’s?” Harry didn’t care if he’d just met her, he wasn’t ready to say good-bye to her, not now, not in a couple of days. He wanted to hold on to her for as long as possible.

Rory hadn’t even realized that they were still standing perfectly still, Harry’s hands on her waist and hers on his shoulders. They were alone, the sun starting to set. “Nothing.”

Harry smiled. “Perfect. You should spend it with me in London,” his smile grew wider when she didn’t immediately reject his invitation. “My friend’s having this big party, I promise it will be amazing.”

Rory cocked an eyebrow at his words. “You’re full of promises today.”

Harry giggled, producing a beautiful sound. “I haven’t let you down yet, have I?”

She rolled her eyes, but he was right. He’d promised not to let her fall and her feet had never left the ground. He’d promised she’d have a good time skating, and she’d had a wonderful time. Why shouldn’t she believe him about New Year’s too?”

“New Year’s is a week away,” Rory mused out loud. Even if she wanted to spend it with Harry and his friends she couldn’t afford to stay in a hotel in London for a whole week.

Harry nodded his head. “It’ll give me plenty of time to show you my favourite places in the city. And I’ve been told my guest bed is quite comfortable. What do you say?”

Rory couldn’t deny the fact that she didn’t want to be alone for the rest of the holidays. She couldn’t deny the fact that being around Harry made her smile. The pain was still there, it was always going to be there, but she wasn’t quite ready to be alone with it. “Count me in.”


	5. I Know We Only Met But Let's Pretend It's Love

Christmas Day flew by, and before Rory knew it her and Harry were pulling up the driveway to his house in London just as the sun was setting on Boxing Day. She’d more or less made it through the dreaded holiday. She’d tried to push her emotions back as far as she could and enjoy the day with Harry’s family, but there were moments when she wasn’t able to hold anything in. Harry had walked into his bedroom after dinner, just as she was in the middle of a breakdown. She didn’t even have a chance to be embarrassed before he sat down on the bed beside her and held her until her crying stopped. She’d sat in his arms for over half an hour, her tears soaking into his white t-shirt. He didn’t need to say anything, just being there was enough. She never thought, not in a million years, that some famous eighteen-year-old would be the one to hold her broken pieces together. 

“This isn’t really what I imagined,” Rory stated, following Harry on his tour of the house. 

He turned around, curiosity etched on his face. “No? And what exactly did you imagine?”

Rory shrugged as she followed him into the last room, the master bedroom. “Posters of naked chicks on your walls, fur rugs, vinyl furniture.”

Harry couldn’t help but burst out in laughter. “So you thought my house was going to be the set of some sort of porno?” 

In actuality, Harry’s house was modern but classic. He had shelves of records lining the wall in his living room and instruments set up. He had a grand piano and a row of guitars. Rory had never really imagined him even being capable of playing a musical instrument, she’d always assumed his one talent was the voice that helped One Direction get as famous as they were. She felt bad for thinking so little of him, for doubting his talent and for chalking him up to just another celebrity who had everything in life handed to them. She realized she didn’t really know Harry. The few days that they’d spent together had been so focused on her that she hadn’t really gotten to know very much about him at all. She wanted to change that. 

“You play all these?” she asked as she sat on the piano bench, running her fingers along the keys softly.

Harry sat down beside her, his knee lightly brushing against hers. “Yeah, I’m not like the greatest at them or anything. Niall’s still teaching me the guitar.”

“Do you write songs too?” 

He smiled at her question, at her obvious interest in getting to know him. He was so used to the people he met already knowing everything they thought there was to know about him, but Rory wasn’t like that, Rory knew nothing and wanted to know everything. “Yeah, I helped write a couple of the songs on the first album. I got to write more for the one that just came out. I kinda wish I could be more involved in the writing process, to be honest. It’s one of my favourite parts.”

Rory watched as his big hands moved along the keys of the piano, playing a melody she’d never heard before. “Why can’t you be more involved?”

Harry shrugged as he continued to play the melody of a song he’d been working on. “It gets kind of complicated with management and stuff. We all take part in the writing process, but management has to agree on the songs and there just isn’t a lot of room for personal stuff. I love it though, I really do. I have so much fun with the guys, it’s kind of just working with your best mates.”

Rory couldn’t help but think of her own group of friends back in California. She’d drifted away from everyone when her mother got sick, and as time went on they came around less and less often. When her mom had passed away they’d all come around to offer their condolences but never stayed very long. She wasn’t sure if it was because they felt awkward being around someone so depressing as her, or if it was because they were afraid of saying the wrong thing. Death was an uncomfortable subject for many people, but she’d always assumed her friends would be there for her when it mattered the most. She’d been wrong. 

She hadn’t realized Harry was still speaking until he was nudging her with his shoulder, trying to get her attention. “Sorry, I zoned out there for a minute.”

He laughed. “I was just saying that you’ll probably be able to meet the guys if you want. They’re all supposed to be back in London this week. We could have a little thing here, they’d love to meet you.” 

* * *

Rory felt alone for the first time in days as she lay in Harry’s guest bed. After sharing the bed with Harry in Holmes Chapel for the past three days, she couldn’t help but feel lonely, as if the bed was too big for just her. She had spent the weeks leading to her mother’s death crammed in a little chair in the hospital room. She wasn’t used to having so much space to herself, and the emptiness encompassing her made her stomach tie into knots of anxiety. She tried to calm herself, breathing in and out slowly, focusing on the expansion of her diaphragm, but she was quickly and easily distracted when her cellphone lit up with a message. 

**From: Riley  
Hey…I know it’s been a while, but I just wanted u to know that I’m thinking about u. I’m always thinking about u. **

Rory stared blankly at her screen. He hadn’t texted her for two weeks. He hadn’t attempted to making any sort of contact at all. He’d been giving her the space she’d asked for, but apparently that was over now. They’d been together for a year when she mom was diagnosed with cancer, and as that horrible year stretched on, Rory distanced herself from their relationship. She was mad at herself for spending so much time with Riley when she could have been taking advantage of the last healthy year of her mom’s life. The day Lillian died, Riley was the first phone call Rory made. She was sitting in the chair in the hospital room, her mom’s quilt pulled tightly around her, and she dialled his number just as they were wheeling her mother’s body away. She ended their two-year long relationship in a 40 second phone call. She didn’t know how she was supposed to stay in a relationship with Riley in a world where her mother didn’t exist. He’d always known the Rory that had existed before her life fell apart, and she didn’t think he’d like the girl she knew she was about to become. He’d tried to mend things the first week. He’d shown up with food and would sit silently beside her as she stared blankly ahead. But when she’d begged him to give her space he backed off, thinking that maybe time was all she needed and then everything would just go back to normal. He didn’t seem to understand that Rory had no idea what normal even was anymore. 

His timing was dangerous. She was sad and lonely and didn’t even have time to think as she unlocked her phone and started tapping her fingers on the keyboard. 

**To: Riley  
Hi **

His response was immediate, as if he’d been impatiently waiting for her to reply. 

**From: Riley  
I miss u so much bby. Can I come see u? **

A text like this would usually make Rory roll her eyes into the back of her head, but the emptiness was getting the best of her. She had no idea what she wanted or needed in her life anymore. She was lost and she needed someone or something to make her feel something. 

**To: Riley  
I’m actually in the UK right now **

She wondered if she was in California if she would have let him come over to her condo, if she’d let him back into her life. She didn’t have time to really sort out her head before her screen was lighting up again, only this time it was with a phone call instead of a text message.

“Hello?” she tried to keep her voice as soft as possible, afraid she might wake up Harry.

“Baby,” Riley’s voice worked its way across the line. “God, I fucking miss you.”

Rory knew she shouldn’t enjoy hearing him say those words so much, but she was lonely and sad and way too weak for her own good. She knew she should have ignored the call, she should have sent him straight to voicemail, but she was officially just desperate enough to start making mistakes.   
“You there?” Riley asked, breaking her frantic thoughts. 

“Yeah,” she whispered.

“Why are you whispering?”

“Because it’s after midnight and I don’t want to wake people,” she was purposely being vague. Riley tended to run hot when it came to jealousy, and even though they weren’t together anymore she didn’t want to deal with how he’d react if he knew she was staying with Harry Styles.

“Where are you?”

She hated that he had to be this way, that he needed to feel as though he had some sort of right to know bits and pieces of her life anymore. “London.”

“Did you drop off the letter?”

she hated even more that he knew about the letter, but when he saw it that day at the hospital he wouldn’t leave her alone until she told him. When she’d planned the trip he had begged to come along, but she refused and he eventually gave up. She’d known from the start that going to Holmes Chapel and delivering the letter was something she needed to do on her own. Meeting Harry had been mere chance, but she’d be lying if she said it had been a bad thing. 

“Baby?”

Rory shook her head, trying to bring herself back into the present moment. “Sorry, yeah, I dropped off the letter.”

“When are you coming home?” he didn’t even bother asking her how it went or how she was, and sadly, she wasn’t a bit surprised.

“After New Year’s.”

Rory listened to him whine about how her lips were the only ones he wanted to kiss at midnight on New Year’s Eve. She felt needed and wanted in a way she hadn’t felt in what seemed like forever. She hated herself for being so weak and for letting herself almost feel sad that she wouldn’t be kissing Riley at midnight. They talked for over an hour, until Rory could barely stay awake. 

“I love you,” Riley reminded her.

Rory sighed. “I know, Ry, I love you too,” she ended the call as soon as the words left her mouth.   
* * *

“Good morning, little one,” Harry said as he watched Rory enter the kitchen the next morning. He was standing by the sink, patiently waiting for the pot of coffee to finish brewing. He couldn’t help but stare at the mess of hair that was pulling onto the top of her head. 

“Stop staring at my terrible bedhead,” Rory groaned as she perched herself on a stool at the island.

Harry smiled at her as he poured coffee into two mugs. “I quite like it, it’s rather cute,” he was still grinning as he placed one of the mugs in front of her. “I’m beginning to think you’re not a big fan of mornings.”

Rory shrugged as she took a sip of the hot drink. She didn’t fail to notice the fact that Harry had memorized the way she took her coffee in just the few days they’d known each other. “I’m just tired.”

“You didn’t sleep well?”

She smiled internally at the concern etched across his face. “I slept great, just stayed up a bit too late is all.”

Harry moved so that he was sitting on the stool beside her. “You were on the phone pretty late,” he hadn’t planned on admitting that he’d overheard part of her conversation. He’d had a hard time falling asleep, which he’d assumed was because he’d gotten so used to sharing a bed with her. At one point he decided to make himself a cup of tea and he could hear her talking to someone as he walked past her bedroom door. When he’d heard her say the words “I love you too” he’d stopped dead in his tracks, but he’d seemed to have caught the end of the conversation because he didn’t hear her voice again after that. He’d tossed and turned the rest of the night, burdened with the realization that he really didn’t know Rory at all. 

Rory could feel her face flush. She’d tried so hard to keep quiet, to not wake Harry, but apparently she’d failed. “Yeah, a friend from called to check up on me. I’m sorry if I woke you.”

Harry ran his hand through his hair, moving it out of his face. “I couldn’t sleep and just heard your voice when I came out to make tea. No need to worry, love.”

Rory couldn’t help but wonder how much he’d heard, if he’d even really caught any pieces of her conversation with Riley at all. She’d woken up feeling weighed down with guild and regret. She wasn’t sure if telling Riley she loved him had been the right thing to do or if it had been a mistake. She hadn’t meant to make it seem like there was a guaranteed chance of them getting back together. She knew better than to think anything in life was guaranteed. 

“So,” Harry put his cup down, finally breaking the silence. “The guys all texted me back and they’re all in the city, so we were thinking of hanging out tonight.” 

Rory smiled. “Sounds great, I’ll try not to hyperventilate when I finally get to meet the rest of One Direction.” 

Harry rolled his eyes at her sarcastic comment. “You better watch yourself, little one. We’re going to blow you away when we serenade you with What Makes You Beautiful.” 

* * *

Rory had no idea why she was nervous. She wasn’t a One Direction fan and she honestly couldn’t care less about meeting famous people, but for some strange reason her stomach was swarming with butterflies as she finished getting ready for a night with Harry and his fellow band members. Harry had quickly become a good friend, much to her surprise, and she wanted those closest to him to like her and approve of their friendship. She never thought in a million years that she’d be hoping to win over a bunch of boy banders, but here she was, applying mascara and making sure her hair was just right. Now all she had to do was keep the sarcasm to a minimum and remember that they were actually serious about their career. 

Harry was waiting for Rory to finish “perfecting herself”, which he didn’t understand because she already looked perfect, not that he would ever admit that out loud. He knew the guys were going to love her, which for some reason didn’t sit well with him. The past few days had almost been like a dream. They’d been safe in their own little bubble of this new-found friendship with no one bothering them, except for maybe his family. He’d been able to keep Rory a secret, safe from the overbearing smothering that he too often experienced from the rest of the world. Introducing her to the rest of the guys felt as if he was popping the bubble, as if he was taking away the only safe and pure thing he had left. His friendship with Rory was going to become tainted by his fame and all of the good and bad things that tended to come along with it. He could only hope that she would stick around through it all. 

Harry jumped in surprise when the banging started on the front door. He knew he should never have given the code to the security gate to Louis. Rory had still not emerged from her bedroom, which he was happy about because it would give him the chance to remind the guys to not be complete assholes. 

“Mate!” Louis was the first one through the door once Harry opened it, pushing his way through and throwing his arms around Harry’s shoulders. 

Niall, Liam and Zayn filed through after him, each taking their turn to greet Harry. They hadn’t even been apart for a week, but with recording and promoting the new album they’d grown accustomed to seeing each other every waking hour of every single day. They’d become a family, and although they sometimes hated each other and wanted nothing more than time to themselves, being apart for an extended period of time always felt unnatural and sometimes even lonely. They were brothers, best friends, and each other’s pet peeves all wrapped into one. 

“Where’s Rory?” Liam asked as he walked further into the house. Harry had told them about her in their group chat. He hadn’t gone too far into detail, he didn’t want to share the intimate parts of their friendship, like the things about her mom or the way her hair smelled like peonies. But he’d told them about finding her on the side of the highway and how she’d spent Christmas with his family. 

Harry gestured down the hallway as they settled into the living room. Niall took the opportunity to unload the bag he’d been carrying, placing cans of beer and a bottle of whiskey on the coffee table. “Haz, got any glasses?”

“Obviously I have glasses, you twat,” Harry rolled his eyes at his Irish friend as he made his way to the kitchen. 

“While you’re in there, grab that bottle of tequila I know you have stashed in the freezer,” Louis called out. 

“Hey,” he didn’t notice her enter the kitchen until her soft voice penetrated his ear drums. She was leaning against the counter, watching Harry pull 6 glasses from the cupboard and move to the freezer to get the bottle of tequila that had been requested. “I’m kind of nervous,” she admitted, a small smile on her face. 

Harry took a large stride until he was standing right in front of her, his hand instinctively moving to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “Don’t be, little one. They’re harmless. Rowdy and annoying, but harmless,” he grabbed four glasses from the counter before turning back to smile at her. “Now, grab those two and the tequila and come meet these crazy motherfuckers.” 

Rory’s stomach was doing somersaults. It was now or never. She held the glasses in her hands and tucked the bottle of tequila under her arm and followed Harry into the living room. She hadn’t expected them all to look so…normal. There was a blonde guy sitting on the floor, a can of beer in his hand. Two guys with brown hair, who she knew she was never going to be able to tell apart were sitting on one of the sofas, and then her attention fell to the last member of One Direction. He was wearing ripped, black skinny jeans and a white t-shirt that showed off his countless tattoos. She couldn’t help but think that he didn’t truly fit in with the rest of them. Sure, they were all attractive enough, but this guy with his jet-black hair and perfect stubble looked like he belonged in a god damn Vogue magazine. 

“Someone asked for tequila?” Rory found her voice. Her eyes were still locked on the sex god who had been absent-mindedly playing on his phone until he heard her voice. Rory inhaled deeply once she took in his thick eyelashes and perfect hazel eyes. This guy didn’t belong in some stupid boy band, he belonged in her bed. 

“Haz already has you doing all the hard work I see?” one of the brown-haired twins broke Rory’s intense stare down with the guy who’s name she still didn’t know. “I’m Louis, by the way,” he took the glasses and tequila from her hands, putting them down before he wrapped his arms around her. “You ready to get proper drunk?” 

Rory couldn’t help but laugh as she nodded her head. Harry had told her a lot about Louis and how he tended to be the clown of the group. “Absolutely.”

“Guys, this is Rory,” Harry put his hand on the small of her back as he began to introduce her to the rest of the group. “The Irish fucker right there is Niall,” he said as he pointed to the blonde who was sitting on the floor, drinking his beer. 

“Hey,” Niall protested as he stood up and gave Rory a hug. “It’s lovely to meet ya, Rory.” She couldn’t help but love the way her voice sounded in his thick Irish accent. 

“I’m Liam,” the other brown-haired boy said as he stood up from his spot on the sofa and took his turn hugging her. 

Rory’s eyes fell on the hazel-eyed god who was still sitting in the chair, his eyes fully focused on her. He took a moment to scan her, starting at her blonde hair and slowly making his way down to her sock covered feet. Harry had been right, she was fucking fit. “Zayn,” he drawled out his name in his thick accent as he stood up and walked towards her. Rory thought she saw him lick his lips before he wrapped his arms around her and pulled him towards him. “It’s nice to meet ya.”


	6. She's a Good Girl

Niall was a terrible influence, that much Rory knew. The guys had barely even been over for an hour and Rory had already consumed two shots of tequila and one whiskey with gingerale. She’d barely drank alcohol since her mother’s diagnosis, and to say she was buzzed would be an understatement. She couldn’t deny the fact that she was having fun. She would never have thought it, but somehow the members of One Direction were some of the funniest guys she’d ever met. Louis and Niall had basically kept her laughing for the entire hour, telling her ridiculous stories about Harry and the others. Between laughing hysterically at Louis and Niall’s jokes and making rather flustering eye contact with Zayn, Rory decided that meeting a stupid little boy band wasn’t so bad after all. 

“Haz, can I use your balcony?” Zayn’s voice caught Rory’s attention. He hadn’t talked much, she decided he must be the quiet one in the group, but when he did she couldn’t help but love his accent. 

Harry was about to ask what for, but the joint and pack of cigarettes that emerged from Zayn’s pocket answered his question. “Go ahead, just make sure you close the door. I don’t want your nasty habits stinking up my house.” 

“Anyone care to join?” Zayn was asking the entire group, but his eyes were on Rory, begging her to say yes. 

She was just drunk enough to find the courage to nod her head, silently thanking whatever god had made the rest of the group turn down Zayn’s invitation. She looked back at Harry as she followed Zayn to the balcony door, she thought maybe she saw a hint of disappointment in his eyes, but she couldn’t be too sure. Who was he to judge her for smoking a little bit of pot? She’d had a rough past year and if anyone should understand that she needed to let loose it would be him. But how would she feel if he was going off to smoke drugs with a girl as mouth-watering as Zayn? 

He pulled the french doors to the balcony open and waited for Rory to walk through them before following her and closing them behind them. “Do you want one?” he asked as he took a cigarette from the carton. Rory had never found smoking particularly attractive, but the way Zayn held the white stick in between his lips was damn well sexual. 

She shook her head. “I’ll wait for the good stuff.” 

Zayn smiled and pulled the joint out, extending it towards her. “What wait love?” he said as he placed the joint in between her lips and lit it with his lighter for her. “I’m more about instant gratification.” 

Rory inhaled, letting the chemicals burn her throat. “Thank you.” 

She took a few more hits from the joint, waiting for Zayn to be done with his cigarette before passing it off to him. She watched as he smoked it expertly, barely even coughing. She decided she could watch him all night long. She could stand on that balcony for forever and just stare at his perfectly chiseled face. 

“You’re staring,” Zayn smirked as he handed the joint back to her. 

She took another drag. “So are you.”

“Mmm,” Zayn moved closer, his body only a few inches away from Rory’s. “Can’t help it. Harry wasn’t joking when he said you’re fucking fit.”

Rory was intoxicated enough that she didn’t even blush at his words. She only had a second to process the fact that Harry had told his friends that she was hot before Zayn’s hand was on the back of her neck, holding her head in place. He took the last hit form the joint, holding the smoke in briefly before he slowly exhaled it in Rory’s face. She knew there shouldn’t be anything attractive about having smoke blown in her face, but the way Zayn’s eyes were getting darker by the second made her crave to feel more than just his hand on her neck. 

His eyes were zoned in on her lips as he imagined the sounds she’d make if he were to trace them with his tongue. “Is there anything going on between you and Haz?”

Rory arched an eyebrow. “Are you really thinking about Harry right now?” she asked as she hooked her forefinger into one of his belt loops and pulled, urging his body to move so that it was flush against hers.

“You’re a fucking dime,” Zayn breathed the words onto her skin, dipping his head down so that he could connect his lips to the soft skin of her neck. 

Rory couldn’t help the sound that escaped her mouth. The feeling of his lips connecting with her skin was causing her overly stimulated brain to drown her sensory receptors with pleasure. 

“Fuck, I want to do so many things to right now,” Zayn groaned as he trailed his tongue along her collar bone. Rory’s skin felt like it was on fire, despite the fact that it was winter and she was outside without a jacket. 

The alcohol and marijuana that was coursing through her bloodstream seemed to boost her confidence. “So do them.”

Zayn flashed her a wicked smile before crashing his lips against hers. His hands were everywhere all at once. They threaded through her hair and tugged. They roamed over her back and then over her backside, squeezing as they went. Rory’s hands clung to him in desperation. She had a hand on either side of his face, pulling him even closer to further deepen the kiss. She was losing herself to the way his tongue fought hers, and the way his mouth tasted was sending her into a frenzy. They separated only to catch their breath. 

“If we weren’t standing on Harry’s balcony right now I’d be fucking you so hard,” Zayn whispered, his mouth right against Rory’s ear.

She was beyond frustrated. Rory hadn’t noticed how much she’d been craving a physical connection with another human being. Kissing Zayn and having his hands all over her had been the distraction she’d so desperately needed. She wanted more. She needed more. 

“If we don’t go back in soon they’re going to get suspicious,” she didn’t overly care, but she also didn’t want the other guys to think she was a slut. 

Zayn groaned, obviously frustrated. “I really don’t to stop,” he admitted as he connected his lips to hers once again. He pushed his hips into Rory’s body as much as he could. She could feel his hardening length through his jeans, which only made her more frustrated with the fact that they couldn’t take this any further. She’d never thought that in some point in her lifetime she’d be pressed up against a balcony railing, basically grinding herself into Zayn Malik’s dick. It was impulsive and reckless and exactly what she needed. 

“We need to stop,” Zayn was breathless as he pulled away. He put some distance between them, but left his hands on her waist, digging his fingers into her skin to relieve some of the tension in his body. “I’m gonna end up fucking you right here if we keep going.” 

“I definitely wouldn’t say no.”

Zayn laughed and looked down at himself to check if the state he was in was noticeable. “I think I’m gonna need a minute,” he said as he winked and opened the door for Rory. “I’ll meet you in there.” 

She already missed having his hands on her body and his mouth on her skin. She could hear the rest of the boys the second she was through the door. She’d left her phone inside and had no idea how long she’d been with Zayn for, but from the loud voices she assumed it had been long enough for the others to get completely drunk. 

“She’s back!” Louis yelled as she walked into the living room. Her eyes immediately fell on Harry, who was watching her intently from his spot on the couch. His face was red, which she assumed was a side effect from the empty beer cans that were littering the coffee table.

“You’ve been busy,” she commented as she sat down beside him.

Harry shrugged, taking a drink from the can in his hand. “You were gone for a while.” 

Rory didn’t know why his comment made her chest tighten and her heart begin to raise. She didn’t understand why she was afraid that he’d somehow caught her and Zayn mid make out. 

“Drink up!” Niall commanded as he handed her a mixed drink. “You’re way behind.”

“I’m high as a fucking kite, Niall, I’m definitely taking the lead.”

Rory spotted her phone sitting amongst the empty beer cans. She scanned through the messages that were waiting for her, all of which were from Riley. He’d sent several texts proclaiming his love and whining about how much he missed her. All Rory could do was sigh and put the phone back on the table, and take a large drink from her glass.

“You should probably respond,” Harry said as he stared at the phone, refusing to make eye contact with her. “Your boyfriend obviously really misses you.”

Rory turned to him, her eyebrows raised in surprise at the tone of his voice. She’d gotten so used to the lighthearted side of Harry in the last few days that she hadn’t even realized that there could even be an ounce of bitterness or anger inside of him. She was annoyed that he still refused to look at her. His eyes were still focused on the cellphone as he continued to drink his beer in silence. 

“Actually, I don’t have a boyfriend,” she said defensively. 

He finally turned to face her, his eyes were glossy from the alcohol and there wasn’t a trace of humour on his face. He didn’t look anything like the Harry she’d gotten to know. “You might want to tell him that.” 

Rory was beyond done with his attitude, she had nothing to prove to him, she didn’t owe him any explanations over who Riley was and what he meant to her. “Don’t you have a girlfriend to control?”

Harry’s top lip curled up in a snarl at her comment. He opened his mouth to counter her words, but didn’t have the chance to say anything before Zayn was dropping himself on the other side of Rory. “Make me a drink, Nialler!” he called over as he turned in Harry and Rory’s direction. “What’s happening?” 

Harry narrowed his eyes as he watched Zayn throw an arm across Rory’s shoulders. “We were just talking about Rory’s non-boyfriend.”

Zayn looked back and forth between Harry and Rory, confused at the sudden tension. “Oh okay, I think came at a bad time.” 

Rory shook her head and placed a hand on his knee, not caring about what it looked like to Harry. “No, you came at the perfect time.”  
* * *

“It was lovely to meet you,” Liam said as he hugged Rory goodbye later that night. 

She said goodbye to the other boys, promising to see them when they stopped in San Diego on their tour. Zayn was the last one to hug her, leaving a small kiss on her neck while the others were too preoccupied to notice. “I’ll text you,” he whispered in her ear. 

“See you in a week, mate,” Zayn said as he put an arm around Harry and shuffled towards the door. “Thanks for tonight, it was great. Rory is great,” he added, turning to wink at Rory as the words left his mouth. Harry looked between the two of them, noticing how Rory’s face flushed at the wink, his eyes trailing to the mark on her neck he should have noticed an hour before. 

“What was that about?” Harry asked as he closed the door and turned to face Rory. 

“What was what about?”

He rolled his eyes. “Come off it, Rory. You and Zayn, what was that about?” 

She couldn’t help but notice the way Harry’s eyes lacked any sense of kindness or humour. He seemed actually upset, maybe even mad, and none of it made any sense to her at all. “I’m single, Harry, I can kiss whoever I want.” 

He laughed, but it was full of sarcasm. “So, you just have a long list of guys to fool around with? You’ve got the Riley bloke from back home who is obviously so fucking in love with you, and then you come here and fool around with one of my best mates just for fun?” he felt slightly guilty for the obvious pain that crossed over Rory’s face, but the alcohol he’d consumed wouldn’t let him stop talking. “Hate to break it to you love, but Zayn’s as big of a slut as you are.”

Rory could feel tears starting to form, and the last thing she wanted was to let Harry see the impact his words had on her. “You know what? I’m just going to pack up my things and leave. Obviously thinking we could be friends was a mistake.” 

The anger faded slightly from Harry’s face. “You’re not going to go out there in the middle of the night. I’ll drop you off at the airport in the morning and you can catch the first flight home.” 

* * *

Memories from the night before flooded Harry’s brain as he slowly awakened the next morning. He wasn’t sure if he felt nauseous because of the terrible hangover he had or if it was because of the immense amount of guilt he was feeling. For the first time ever he wished he’d blacked out, that he’d forgotten all of the events from the night before. He was ashamed, embarrassed and terrified that he’d lost Rory completely. He’d been jealous, jealous of the way she’d looked at Zayn the second she’d laid eyes on him, jealous of the text messages that had popped up on her screen from whoever the hell Riley was, and jealous of the love bites that Zayn had left on her neck. He wished he could take back every awful word he’d said to Rory, but since he didn’t own a time machine all he could do was hope an apology would suffice. 

Once he’d put on a pair of joggers and a t-shirt, he made his way towards the spare bedroom; the door was open and he could see Rory’s suitcase laying open on the bed, but she was nowhere in sight. He walked into the room and stood at the foot of the bed, absentmindedly grabbing a shirt that was lying beside the suitcase. He didn’t want her to leave, god, the last thing he wanted was for her to leave. He started pulling the folded clothes out of the suitcase, tossing each article on to the bed. 

“What are you doing?” Rory’s voice was small and faint, barely audible as she stood in the doorway and watched as Harry unpacked her suitcase.

Harry turned around, a sweater in his hands. His heart sank when he took in her complexion. Her skin was pale and blotchy, her eyes red from crying. He hated himself for doing this to her, he hated himself for making her feel anything other than happiness. He’d wanted to be her lifeline, and he’d only made her life worse. 

“Little one,” the nickname came out in a whisper, he couldn’t even find his voice. He dropped the sweater and walked towards her, not able to stop his feet. He extended a hand and brushed his thumb under her eye, wanting to remove any moisture that was still there. 

“Harry,” Rory’s voice was a warning, telling him he was crossing a line, telling him she didn’t want him near her. 

“I’m so sorry.”

She searched his eyes for sincerity, but she didn’t need to look very far because his emerald irises were drowning in it. “For what?” she needed to hear him say it, she needed to know that he knew what he’d done. 

He left his hand on her face, his big palm consuming her cheek. “For everything, fuck, for absolutely everything,” he took a deep breath as he removed his hand from her skin. He sat down on the edge of the bed and ran his hands over his face. “I’m an idiot, I was a drunken idiot. I was drunk and jealous and said shit that I never should have said.” 

Rory didn’t move. She leaned against the doorframe and watched him closely. “Jealous of what exactly?”

Harry became extremely interested in the rings on his fingers, spinning them as he chose his next words carefully. “The way you looked at Zayn,” he looked up to watch her reaction. “Thinking of you with Riley, you with Zayn. That mark on your neck,” he nodded his head in her direction as he mentioned the blueish bruise by her collarbone. 

Rory sighed as she touched the hickey with her fingertips. “You have a girlfriend Harry, you shouldn’t be jealous of any of those things,” she watched as he ran a hand through his hair. “You’re just a kid, you have no idea how these things work.”

He couldn’t help but roll his eyes, he hated that she saw him as ‘just a kid’. He hated that she was right – he had no idea how these things worked. “I realized yesterday that I don’t really know you at all. And maybe that’s what was bugging me the most,” he took a deep breath before continuing. “The last few days have been amazing, and I, I don’t know, I feel like we’ve gotten really close. But we don’t really know each other, not really.”

“I’ve shared a lot,” Rory stated as she made her way into the room at sat beside him on the bed. “What more do you want to know?” 

“Whose Riley?” he was ashamed that he needed this answer, but he knew he needed to know. 

Rory fell backwards onto the bed with a sigh. “He’s my ex.” 

Harry laid back so that they were lying side by side, their fingers brushing against each other’s. “What happened?”

She stared up at the ceiling. How could she go from being so hurt and mad because of him to telling him about her life in mere seconds? Why did Harry have the ability to make her want nothing more than be close to him? “I don’t know, we were together for two years, I ended things the day my mom died.”

“Why?”

Rory sighed and turned her head to look at him. She hadn’t noticed how sharp his jawline was before, it was daunting and mesmerizing at the same time. “I just, it didn’t feel right, being with him after she was gone. I’m not the same person I was before, and I just,” she was struggling to find the right words. “I didn’t really know if he could love me for who I am now.” 

“You’re amazing, little one, he’d be stupid not to.” 

She couldn’t help but smile at his words. “Thank you.”

“Besides, it seems like he’s very much still in love with you,” he wasn’t quite sure if he wanted the answer to his next question, but he decided to ask anyways. “Do you think you’ll get back together?”

“I honestly don’t know,” Rory admitted. “I feel like I’ve kind of lost all control of my life right now, if that makes any sense at all.” 

Harry chuckled, because if anyone understood that feeling it was Harry. Ever since the X Factor and the forming of One Direction, he’d felt like he was out of control of his own life. He felt like he didn’t have a single say in anything that was happening to him or around him. He turned on his side so that he could look down on to her, drinking in every ounce of her while he could. “There’s a very selfish part of me that says to move on and let the guy go,” he loved the way she was staring right at him, the way his eyes were connecting with her blue ones. “But then the friend in me is saying that if you still have feelings for him, then maybe you should let him try to love you.” 

They fell into a comfortable silence, which was something that Rory loved about their new friendship. She loved that she could sit with Harry and not say anything at all and still feel like they were sharing a moment in some sort of way. She loved that she could be herself, so raw and honest and that he still wanted to be around her. She loved not being alone. 

“Hey, Harry?” she broke the silence with her soft voice, meeting his eyes that were still looking down at her. “I accept your apology, by the way.”

* * *

New Year’s Eve came quickly, the week speeding by as Harry showed Rory all over his favourite little places in London. They’d visited his favourite coffee shop, a little bakery that made his favourite blueberry scones and a record store where he bought most of his vinyl collection. Rory couldn’t deny that she felt somewhat special – she couldn’t deny that following Harry to all of his favourite, top secret places made her feel that much closer to him. She loved the way he stopped to take pictures with fans along the way, she loved the way all of the little shop owners adored him and called him their “favourite customer”. It was so obvious that it was easy to admire Harry, to be captivated by his smile, his dimples and his kindness. After everything that had happened in her life, she felt lucky to have at least crossed paths with him. She felt lucky to have him be a part of her life. 

Rory pulled the dress she’d bought for the New Year’s party out of the shopping bag. She’d gone out while Harry was busy doing some promotional work, knowing she hadn’t packed anything with her that was suitable for a holiday party. She looked at the sparkly, light pink dress she’d selected. She was afraid it was too much. Its spaghetti straps and deep neckline didn’t really leave much to the imagination. She decided she had nothing to lose as she slipped the thin material over her head, watching her reflection in the full-length mirror as the dress fell just right under her bum. Damn, it was short. She checked her reflection one last time, running a hand through her long blonde hair and making sure that her makeup hadn’t smudged. She grabbed the small purse that was laying on the bed and took a deep breath as she made her way down the hallway where she knew Harry was already waiting for her. 

“God dammit woman, could it take you any longer…” Harry’s sentence fell short when his eyes landed on her. He couldn’t help the way his eyes trailed from her head to her feet, pausing at the fair amount of cleavage that the little, pink dress she was wearing was showing off. “Where did you buy that dress?” 

Rory shivered under his stare. “Topshop, why?”

Harry shook his head, a low whistle coming from his lips. “Just needed to know where to send the thank you letter.” 

Rory laughed at his joke but couldn’t stop the blush from taking over her face. “Is it too much?” 

He shook his head again, holding her coat out for her. “Oh, not at all, little one. It’s perfect,” he opened the door and watched her walk towards the car that was waiting for them in the driveway. He couldn’t not stare at her legs. They were beyond perfect. 

The drive to the club was fairly silent. If Rory thought she’d been nervous to the meet the rest of One Direction, she had no idea what she was feeling now. There was something about meeting Harry’s rich, a-list friends that had her head spinning and heart pounding. She was nothing like these people. She was wearing a $50 dress and a pair of heels that she’d found in a second-hand store. She was nothing but an imposter, pretending as though she belonged in the backseat of a limo where she was sitting beside the infamous Harry Styles. 

“It’s going to be great,” Harry reassured her, covering the hand she had resting in between them with his own. “Stop worrying.”

Rory wondered when he’d learned how to read other people’s thoughts, because it seemed as though he always knew what she was thinking and how she was feeling. “I’m just nervous,” she admitted. 

Harry squeezed her hand. “Don’t be, my friends are great. They’ll love you and we’re going to party like it’s 1990.” 

Rory threw her head back in laughter. “You’re a dork. You weren’t even alive in 1990.” 

He laughed along with her, the sound of her giggles absolutely contagious. “No, but you were born that year, so it was basically the best year ever.” 

“For fuck sakes,” Harry seethed when the limo stopped in front of the club. There were paparazzi everywhere. He should have assumed that Nick Grimshaw’s a-list New Year’s Eve party would be loaded with flashing cameras and overly curious people, but he’d thought nothing of it. It had never been a big deal before; he’d always shown up to these parties alone. He knew that the second he got out of the car with Rory that the paps would assume they were together, and that her picture would be plastered on every magazine and website within minutes. 

“Uh,” Rory was staring out of the dark windows of the limo, her heart pounding a million times harder than it had been just moments before. “Harry, I don’t, I don’t think I can do this.” 

Harry squeezed her hand even harder as he leaned over her and used his other finger to point out the window. “You see those guys over there? That’s security. They’re going to keep us safe,” he felt her pulse slowly start to decelerate under his touch. “I’ll hold your hand the entire time. We’ll be inside before you know it.” 

The questions and flashes started the second Harry’s first foot was out of the car. He held out his hand and helped Rory climb out of the limo, her blue eyes wide and scared as she kept her head down as much as she could. Harry held her hand tightly as he led the way, walking as fast as he could to the door of the club. 

“Harry! Harry! Who is she?” one of the paparazzi asked as he took photograph after photograph of them.

“Is she your girlfriend? What happened to Taylor?” another yelled behind his camera. 

“Are you cheating on Taylor Swift?” 

Harry let out a sigh of relief when they were finally inside of the club and safe from the flashing lights of the cameras and the yelling of the paparazzi. It didn’t matter how many times he experienced it, he was still wasn’t used it, he still didn’t even remotely enjoy it. He looked over at Rory who was already shrugging out of her coat and handing it to the doorman of the club.

“Are you alright?” Harry’s hand was on her shoulder in seconds. The stunned expression was still written all over her face, and he couldn’t help but hate himself just a little bit for knowing that it was his fault that she seemed so afraid. 

Rory nodded her head slowly, allowing her lips to spread into a small smile. “Let’s go get a drink and I’ll be as good as new.”

They made their way across the club towards the bar, Harry guiding her with his hand on her lower back. He couldn’t take his eyes off of how low cut the back of her dress was, giving him full access to admire the perfection of her spine and soft skin. He had no idea how a human being could be so goddamn perfect. There wasn’t a single thing he didn’t like about her. All of her imperfections, even the way she bit her fingernails called out to him. He was brought back to reality when they were stopped by Nick Grimshaw himself, two glasses of white wine in his hands. 

“Harold, you made it!” Nick exclaimed as he handed one of the glasses to Harry before turning his attention to Rory. “And you must be Rory! It’s wonderful to meet you!” he handed her the other glass as he kissed her on the cheek. “I’m so happy you could come out tonight with Styles, here. It would’ve been a shame to see him dateless.” 

Harry rolled his eyes. Nick had been against his relationship with Taylor from day one, which was one of the countless reasons why he wasn’t spending New Year’s Eve with his girlfriend in the first place. “Rory, this is Nick, that twat I was telling you about.” He truthfully loved Nick, they’d become quite close ever since Harry’s rise to fame, and every time Harry was lucky enough to be at home in London Nick was easily the person he spent most of his time with. 

“Harold here has told me so much about you,” Nick said to Rory with a wink. 

It didn’t take Rory long to realize she’d been wrong yet again. Harry’s friends made her feel welcome and as if she’d been a part of the group for forever, and Harry didn’t once leave her side. She was comfortable and content, two things she seemed to only manage to feel around Harry, but maybe it was also the constant stream of alcohol Nick was ensuring she had access to. 

“She’s gorgeous,” Nick whispered in Harry’s ear, moving his in Rory’s direction. 

Harry was watching her talk with his friends. Nick was right, she was absolutely beautiful. The way her eyes lit up when she smiled was exceptionally breathtaking. Harry shook his head; he didn’t understand what was wrong with him and why he constantly needed to remind himself that he had a girlfriend. 

Rory was drunk, there was absolutely no way she could deny that fact. She was drunk and she was happy, and for the first time in weeks she didn’t feel guilty for the smile that was on her face. She met Harry’s eyes from across the group of people and knew instantly that it was all because of him. Harry Styles had become a necessary part of her life. He’d become the friend she hadn’t even known she needed. Even though she still felt terrible for being responsible for killing the deer, she would always be thankful for the situation it had put her in – she would always be thankful that the accident had led to Harry being brought into her life. 

Rory made her way back to Harry, snaking he arms around his waist as she stood behind him and tried to rest her chin on his shoulder but failed because of their height difference. “Curly, come dance with me.” 

Harry rolled his eyes at the wink Nick sent his way. “Of course, little one, let’s go get our groove on!” 

He let her lead him to the dance floor, her fingers intertwined with his own. Once she found the spot she liked, she turned around and wrapped her arms around his neck and brought her body flush against his. Harry knew that it was all the alcohol talking, and he hated the fact that that disappointed him. He hated that he wanted her to want him. He hated that he wanted her. He put his hands on either side of her waist, careful not to go too low, careful not to hold on too desperately. 

Rory looked up at him as he smiled down at her, she didn’t have time to process her movements before her finger was poking Harry in one of his dimples. “I love these,” she stated, admiring his face. “You’re really pretty.” 

Harry couldn’t help but laugh. She was adorable – drunk, but adorable as fuck. He let her force him into a rhythm as she moved her hips slowly at first until they fell in sync with each other. “I’m not made out of glass,” Rory laughed as she noticed the hesitance in Harry’s movements. “Dance like you mean it!”

He felt the breath hitch in his throat as Rory grabbed at his hands, forcing them to roam further down her back until they were firmly placed on her ass. He’d be lying if he said he’d never dreamt of touching her, but he hadn’t expected it to ever become a reality. He tried to refrain, he tried to hold himself back, but he no longer had control over his brain or the way his body moved. Before he knew it, he was grabbing at her toned ass, holding her body against his so that their hips were pushing into one another. It was heaven, hell, it was better than heaven. He wanted to keep touching her for forever; he never wanted to not have his hands on her body. He wanted this moment to last forever. 

“I probably should have worn underwear under this dress,” Rory’s mouth was against his ear, her hot breath sending his brain into a tailspin. 

Harry hissed at her words, his body reacting in ways that he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep secret. He spun her around so that her back was to his chest, his fingers splayed across the fabric of her dress, stretching dangerously close to the hem of the fabric. 

“You’re fucking killing me,” Harry growled in her ear, letting his tongue quickly touch her salty skin. He wanted more; he needed more. He let his fingers trail down her dress until they were touching her skin, his fingertips searing with heat from the contact. 

Rory responded to his touch exactly the way he’d hoped. She snaked one of her arms behind her so that it was wrapped around his neck, her head falling backwards so that it was resting on her shoulder. Her eyes were closed as she moved her body against his, perfectly in tune to the music. Harry was pretty certain he’d never loved clubbing more than he did in this very moment. They both ignored the fact that they could feel Harry’s phone vibrate from its place in his pocket. They both ignored the fact that they knew it was probably Taylor who was trying to get a hold of him. Harry felt guilty, somewhere deep down, but he also knew he wasn’t feeling guilty enough. Rory’s body was the perfect anecdote to guilt. The way she was pressed up against him had his mind going blank, all thoughts of his girlfriend in New York vanishing. He was only thinking about the girl he was dancing with. He was only thinking about the way her skin tasted as he pressed his lips to her bare shoulder. Harry couldn’t hold back any longer; he threw caution to the wind as he moved his lips up Rory’s neck, his tongue trailing along her sweaty skin. 

The music stopped abruptly as Nick climbed on top of a table and addressed the crowd. “One minute to midnight!” 

Harry spun Rory back around so that they were facing each other once again, their arms still around one another. They stared into each other’s eyes as the people around them started counting down to the New Year. Harry wasn’t even thinking about how he’d promised to call Taylor when it struck midnight in London; truthfully, he’d forgotten about absolutely everything except Rory. As the countdown reached the last 15 seconds, Harry cupped Rory’s face with his large hands. He hadn’t planned any of his actions, but now that the moment was here it felt completely natural. As cheers and confetti erupted around them, Harry smiled and brought his lips millimetres away from Rory’s. 

“Happy New Year,” he said as the words and then pulled her face forward so that their lips finally collided.


	7. Spaces Between Us Hold All Our Secrets

His lips were perfect, that much Rory knew. The way they moved against hers with just the right amount of pressure, the way they were the perfect amount of both moist and chapped. The alcohol was still running through her system, but Harry’s kiss only made her more intoxicated. It ended all too soon as Harry pulled his lips off hers to catch his breath.

 “Happy New Year,” Rory giggled as she stared at the full, pink lips that had just been on her mouth.

 Harry smiled widely. “What do you say we ditch this party?”

 Somewhere under the alcohol and the fire Harry’s kiss had ignited inside of her, Rory knew the right answer. She knew they should stay at Nick’s party, that she should stop drinking and sober up so that she didn’t do anything else she may regret in the morning. But she was still drunk, and Harry was holding her hand, begging her to leave with him. So instead of using any sense she had left, she let him guide her out of the club, not even bothering to say goodbye to his friends as he called the driver to tell him to meet them at the back of the club. Harry stole a quick glance at his messages before he stuffed the device back into his pocket. He had over ten unread texts and five missed calls from Taylor. She was pissed and he couldn’t really blame her. But any amount of guilt he was feeling didn’t stop him from climbing into the back of the limo after Rory, grabbing at her perfect ass as she was bent over and trying to get into the seat.

 The second they were seated in the limo, Harry’s hands were all over her, pulling at her body so that she was straddling him. He was holding her face in his hands again, admiring her deep blue eyes and the way her pink lips were turned up in a smile.

 “You’re beautiful.”

 Rory giggled as she tapped his nose. “You’re drunk.”

 Harry shook his head before placing a single kiss to her bare shoulder. “I’m not, actually. I’m perfectly sober.”  
  
“Oh,” she whispered as she realized she’d only seen him drink that first glass of wine. The realization that all of his actions had not been the direct result of alcohol hit her hard.

 Harry pulled her attention back to him, kissing along her jawline. He wasn’t ready for this dream to end; he wasn’t ready for reality to set in just yet. Rory meant to pull away, she meant to stop him, but the second his lips were on hers she was done for. She was still too drunk to make the right decision and his tongue was too perfect to ignore. She moaned into his mouth, grinding her hips deeper into him.

 “Baby,” Harry whined as his jeans became far too tight. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d been this hard.

 Rory couldn’t help but grind on him even harder at his response. She let her head fall backwards as Harry attached his lips to her neck, his hands taking the opportunity to caress her breasts over the fabric of her dress.

 “Are you really not wearing anything under this?” he asked, each word coming out slowly in between his lips and teeth brushing against her skin.

 Rory nodded her head. “Didn’t want underwear lines.”

 Harry whined again, one of his hands trailing down her body until it met her bare thighs, the other tugging on the neckline of her dress and exposing her breasts. He wrapped his lips around one of her nipples, flicking his tongue against her sensitive skin. His hands were shaking as they skated up her thighs until they were under her dress and gripping her hips. He looked down between them, where Rory was now exposed and he gulped hard. He knew if he touched her where he wanted to the most that he’d be crossing a much bigger line than he’d already had. He knew that if he crossed that line while Rory was drunk that he’d regret it – they both would, and being with her wasn’t something he wanted to regret.

 He took the chance to kiss her one last time, connecting his lips to hers briefly. “We should stop.”

 Rory opened her eyes and met his intense gaze. She felt as though she was sober in an instant. “I’m sorry,” she stumbled as she climbed off his lap and returned to her own seat.

Harry ran a hand through his hair, trying to even his breathing. “Don’t be sorry, little one,” he tried to reach for her hand but she moved it away. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”  
  
Rory chuckled humourlessly. “You have a girlfriend, Harry. I just helped you cheat on your fucking girlfriend.”

 He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. She was right, of course she was right, but the thing Harry didn’t understand was that it hadn’t felt like cheating. Kissing her and touching her had felt like the most normal thing ever. But it was cheating. He’d ignored his girlfriend’s attempts to reach him all night. He’d kissed another girl, he’d almost done so much more than that. How could he have been so reckless?

 The car pulled up outside of Harry’s house, breaking the silence between them. Harry followed Rory to the door. He wanted nothing more than to pull her close and hold her. He wanted to tell her he wasn’t sorry for any of it, that if he could turn back time he still wouldn’t take back a single thing that had happened.

 “I’m sorry,” he told her softly as he tried to steady his hands enough to unlock the front door.

 Rory sighed. She didn’t want him to be sorry. He was the one who’d had enough common sense to stop before things had gone too far. But they’d already gone too far. “I know,” she whispered as she walked to the guestroom without another word.

 It was hard to fall asleep. Rory tossed and turned, wondering if Harry was doing the exact same thing or if he’d been able to fall asleep just fine. She was almost happy that she was leaving in the morning, her plane ticket booked days in advance, that way things wouldn’t remain awkward or uncomfortable for too long. She was shocked by the fear that ran through her. She was terrified that everything that had happened between them would ruin their friendship. She was afraid that he’d feel too guilty about cheating on his girlfriend to even look at her anymore. She didn’t want things to change. She wanted to leave London knowing that her and Harry had formed a friendship that could withstand something like this. She wanted to leave London knowing that the bond she had with Harry would last a lifetime.

 

*         *         *

 Rory woke up the next morning with a pounding headache, a reminder from the night before – not just the alcohol she’d consumed, but the choices she’d made as well. She was beginning to think that the time she’d spent in London the past week could be marked by consuming too much alcohol and making irrational, spontaneous and reckless decisions. She didn’t want to be the typical grieving person – the person who goes on a downward spiral after losing a loved one. But she needed to set herself free from the restrictions and constraints that she’d been living under for the past twenty-two years. She wanted to be less careful and more carefree. She wanted to find herself, whoever that was, and reunite with the spirit she’d lost a long time ago. Her mother’s illness hadn’t killed her life, she’d done that all on her own. She’d always been too careful and too plan-oriented. She’d never let herself live life day by day or just enjoy the moment she was in. She’d needed rules, plans and guidelines. But she didn’t want to be that person anymore. She couldn’t be that person anymore.

 It took her less than twenty minutes to pack her bag, she’d barely unpacked it since that one morning where she’d almost taken off because of the fight her and Harry had about Zayn. Her stomach was a ball of nerves as she carried it down the hallway. She didn’t know what she was supposed to say to Harry now. She didn’t know if he even wanted to talk to her – if everything was going to be different. She wished she could will him to just forget about everything and for nothing between them to change. She hadn’t realized how dependent she’d grown of their friendship until she was faced with the fear of losing it. She needed him in her life, and all she could do was hope that he felt the same way.

 Harry was standing at his stove, moving eggs around in a pan with a spatula. Rory put her bag down on the floor and cleared her throat as she perched herself on one of the stools at the island. “My flight is at noon,” she stated simply.

 Harry turned around at her words, jumping a bit from the sudden break in silence. He didn’t want her to leave, but he knew he couldn’t ask her to stay any longer. He’d already asked her that far too many times and he was sure he’d come off as way more than needy. It was time for them to say goodbye, no matter how much he hated the idea of it. “I’ll drive you to the airport,” he said as he took two plates down from the cupboard. He piled eggs onto both of them and then added a couple of slices of bacon. He walked over and placed one of the plates in front of Rory before sitting on the stool beside her.

 There was an obvious tension between the two of them as they both tried to determine whether or not they should broach the subject of the night before. Harry had never wanted to be telepathic as much as he did in this very moment. All he wanted was to be able to read her mind and say the right thing.

 “Look, Curly,” Rory said as she moved the eggs around her plate with a fork. “Is it cool if we just don’t talk about it? We can just chalk it up to a one-time thing and go on being friends?”

 Harry wanted to thank her for being the most straight forward girl he’d ever met. It probably would have taken him hours of stumbling to even get that question out of his mouth, but here she was just getting straight to the point. He was grateful. “For sure,” he agreed. Truthfully, if things were different, he wouldn’t want to just chalk it up to a one-time thing, and he really didn’t want to just forget about it. But his friendship with Rory was quickly becoming one of the most important things in his life, and he didn’t want to jeopardize it in any way. All he knew is that he would never regret kissing her or touching her, and he’d replay the feeling of her lips against his over and over in his head whenever he needed to remember how sweet she tasted.

 “One thing though,” Harry said through a mouthful of eggs. “Have you, uh, been on Instagram or anything today?”

 Rory shook her head, but pulled her phone out of her back pocket and opened the application. Her jaw dropped when she noticed she’d gone from having 100 follows to over 2000 thousand followers in just the past eight hours. She clicked on the last picture she’d taken, which was a selfie from the night before after she’d finished getting ready. There were hundreds of comments on it now. She scrolled through them quickly, gasping when she saw more than a fair share calling her a slut, a whore, a homewrecker, and various other nasty words.

 “What the fuck?” her voice was weak as Harry reached over and took her phone, locking the screen. He hated that she had to go through this like most of the girls he was ever seen out in public with. He truly loved his fans, but sometimes – a lot of the times – they could be cruel to anyone they saw as a potential threat to their make believe relationship with him.

 “I’m so fucking sorry,” Harry said genuinely as he put his one arm around her shoulder. “The pictures the paps took last night are all over the internet, and I guess the fans did enough investigative work and realized I followed you on Instagram last week and figured out it was you in the pictures.”

“Your fans are fucking crazy.”

 Harry sighed. “Not all of them, thankfully. You got a lot of comments calling you beautiful.”

 “How did Taylor take all this?” Rory asked curiously. She didn’t want to talk about last night, but she wanted to make sure she hadn’t completely ruined his relationship either.

 He sighed again, running his hand through his hair. “Uh, I mean, she’s mad, but I told her nothing happened between us,” Harry paused, wondering if Rory was going to call him out on his lie. He as relieved when she didn’t; he already felt bad enough.

 “I just hope these pictures don’t make anything worse between you guys.”

 Harry shrugged. He had no idea where this side of him had coming from, but he realized right there that he cared more about Rory than he ever could for Taylor. He knew that made him a bad person, or at least a horrible boyfriend, but it was the truth. He'd never gotten so close to someone so quickly, but his friendship with Rory was incredibly important to him. He wasn't about to tell Taylor the truth and risk having her demand he not speak to her anymore. Although, if harry was being honest with himself he knew he'd choose Rory over Taylor a million times over. There really was no question about it. Yup. It was official, he was an asshole. 

 "I guess we should get you to the airport, yeah?" He said as he put their dishes on the counter. His chest was tight as he said the words. He wasn't ready to say goodbye, but he knew he'd never be ready and he couldn't just keep her here for the rest of time. It was a shame though. 

 He put her bag in the back of the Rover and watched her climb into the passenger side. He was going to miss everything about her, but as the scent of her shampoo washed through the wind, he decided that maybe the smell of peonies was one of the things he'd miss the most. He shook his head and sat himself behind the steering wheel. There was no putting this off, he had to let her go. 

 Rory scanned through what felt like thousands of direct messages she'd received on Instagram since last night. The majority of them were from jealous girls calling her a whore, some were asking for Harry's phone number, and some were actually quite nice. Her thumb stopped absentmindedly scrolling when she saw a message that came from an account with a blue "verified" check mark. Her jaw dropped as she took in the name of the person who sent it. 

 "Harry," she said quietly, not sure if she should even tell him. "Um, Taylor sent me a message on Instagram."

 He slammed his fist on the steering wheel in frustration. He wasn't surprised, he'd actually expected Taylor to do something like that. "What does it say?"

 Rory took a deep breath before clicking into the message. "Um..."

 "Just read it," he said through gritted teeth. He loosened his grip on the steering wheel and placed his hand on her knee. "Please."  He knew Taylor well enough to know that whatever she sent Rory would very well be mean and laced with jealousy. 

 " _Hey Rory. I'm sure you know who I am, after all you've been spending a lot of time with my boyfriend lately. Harry promised me there’s nothing going on between the two of you, but I don’t trust any girl who wears a dress as slutty as the one you wore last night. I’ve seen the pictures, hun, and I know girls like you. I’m just going to come right out and say it. Are you fucking my boyfriend?”_

 Rory couldn't help but laugh after she finished reading the message. "Your girlfriend is kind of crazy, huh?" 

 Harry’s knuckles were turning white from how hard he was gripping the steering wheel, his other hand trying to remain unaffected as it stayed on her knee. While he’d expected Taylor to reach out to Rory and say something completely ridiculous, he hadn’t quite expected something so harsh and callous. She didn’t even know Rory, and yet she was judging her based on a dress that he would absolutely never forget.

 “I’m so sorry.”

Rory rolled her eyes before stuffing her phone back in her purse. “You don’t have to apologize for her.”

But he felt as though he did. He knew she’d never be getting hate mail if it wasn’t for the fact that she’d been seen with him. He’d wanted nothing more than to be her support system, and here he was just adding to the shit in her life. Maybe she’d be better off if he just left her alone. Maybe he was just complicating everything instead of making anything better. Maybe he deserved to be alone, only surrounded by vapid celebrities. What had he ever done in his life to deserve someone like Rory in his life?

 “Are you going to respond to her?” he didn’t want her to, he knew it would only make things worse, but he wasn’t going to tell her what to do.

 Rory responded by lacing her fingers her fingers through the ones Harry had resting on her leg. She didn’t want to spend the last few minutes they had together talking about Taylor. She wanted to memorize how warm his skin was and the way his dimples displayed themselves when he smiled. She wanted to commit to her memory what it felt like to be around someone who radiated kindness. Being around Harry for the past ten days had been a whirlwind, but it had been everything she’d needed. Her heart felt broken at the idea of going back to San Diego where she’d just be alone.

 “I’m sorry,” Harry repeated when he stole a quick glance at her and noticed the tears that were threatening to brim over. “I’ll talk to her.”

 Rory shook her head. “It’s not that,” she admitted. “It’s just, I’m really going to miss you, Curly.”

 If he hadn’t been driving on a busy road, he would have pulled the car over just to hug her and hold her against him. He’d been dreading saying goodbye since the day he’d met her, but knowing that she was feeling somewhat the same made him miss her even more. He settled on squeezing the hand his was intertwined with. “Oh, little one, you have no idea how much I’m going to miss you too. I’d ask you to stay, but then you may think I’m trying to keep you forever.” Which, if it wasn’t borderline creepy, he’d love nothing more than to actually do.

 “You won’t even have a chance to miss me,” Rory said it with a smile so he’d think she was being facetious, but she knew it was true. He wasn’t going to have time to think about her, let alone miss her. “You’re going to be on tour before you know it.”

 She was right. In only a little over a month he was going to be travelling around the world on his first ever headlining tour. He had no idea what to really expect, but he knew that he wasn’t going to let a little bit of jet lag and an insanely busy schedule keep him from talking to Rory. “You know we’re going to talk all the time, right? Like I don’t give a shit if we’re a million time zones apart, you’re going to answer my calls, little one.”

 Rory rolled her eyes, but her heart was singing. She didn’t want him to forget about her. she may have only known him for a little over a week, but she’d grown terrifyingly fond of having him in her life – of being a part of his life. She wasn’t ready to let go of their friendship, even if that meant surviving with only random text messages and biweekly phone calls. She’d take whatever she could get.

 “You’re not going to get too famous for me?”

 Harry couldn’t help but laugh. “Love, I’m already too famous for you.”

 They arrived at the airport too quickly, both of them wanting to drag the drive out as long as possible. Harry pulled up along the drop off area. They both knew he couldn’t go inside with her. Between his sheer fame and the photos that had been leaked of them, they knew it would just create way too much chaos.

 “Do you have to go?” Harry asked in the whiniest voice he could muster.

 Rory couldn’t stop herself before she was leaning over, throwing her arms around him and burrowing her face into the crook of his neck. She tried to memorize the smell of his skin and the way it felt to have his arms around her body. She had no idea how she was supposed to go back to not having him around. She had no idea how she was supposed to go back to being alone.

“Call me when you land, yeah?” Harry asked, swiping his thumbs under her eyes as he hold her face between his hands.

 “It’ll be the middle of the night for you.”

 Harry shrugged, wiping away the tears the second they left Rory’s eyes. “I don’t care,” he checked the time on the dashboard and sighed. “You better get going.”

 Her eyes closed as he leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to her forehead. “I don’t want to say goodbye.”

 Harry smiled as he kissed her forehead one last time. “It’s not goodbye, little one. We’ll see each other soon, I promise.”

 It took all of Rory’s strength to place a single kiss on Harry’s cheek and climb out of the Rover. She didn’t look back as she pulled her bag out of the back of the vehicle and made her way to the entrance of the airport. Her throat felt like it was closing in as she held back her tears. She knew if she let even just one fall that she’d never stop crying.

 She took her phone out of her purse as she stood in line at security. She couldn’t stop the giant smile that spread across her face as she saw the text that was waiting for her. Harry had texted her the second she was through the airport doors

  **From: Harry**

**I miss you soooo much already, little one. Have a safe flight. You better call me the second you get home. xx**

She typed quickly on her phone as she moved forward in the security line. There was so much she wanted to say, to thank him for, but she kept it as brief. The last thing she wanted was to come across as some sort of pathetic and needy friend.

  **To: Harry**

**Thank you for turning a shitty trip into a great one** **J I’m going to miss the hell out of you, Curly. Xox**

Rory didn’t pick her phone back up until she was seated on the airplane, waiting for the rest of the passengers to board. She opened Instagram up again and reread the message she’d received from Taylor. She hadn’t really planned on responding; Taylor didn’t really deserve any sort of reassurance that her boyfriend was faithful. But she couldn’t just let go of the words that Taylor had sent to her and pretend like they hadn’t stung just a little bit. She took a deep breath and started her response, determined to give Taylor a taste of her own medicine.

  _Taylor...I honestly don’t even know why I’m bothering to give you the time of day, but I feel the need to set a few things straight. First off, if you go around calling women you don’t even know sluts than you have absolutely no right being a role model to young girls. You know absolutely nothing about me, so don’t even tell me that you know “girls like me”. Secondly, I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for the fact that you’re so insecure that you have to ask a complete stranger for reassurance on your relationship. I can’t believe that you’d think so little of your own boyfriend to not believe him when he tells you that there’s nothing going on between us. Harry is genuinely one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, and why on earth he’s dating you is beyond me, but you shouldn’t waste your time doubting him. Anyways, I have nothing else to say to you except maybe you should start being a nicer person, or at least start teaching the young girls who idolize you to love one another instead of bringing each other down. Oh, and just in case you didn’t get the point of this message...no, “hun”, I’m not fucking your boyfriend._

Rory hit send on the message and turned her phone to airplane mode. She couldn’t get rid of the heavy feeling in her chest. She didn’t know what was bothering her more, the idea of leaving Harry or the idea of going back to an empty condo and the realization that her mother was really gone. She wished she could stay in London and pretend like the last year had never happened, pretend as though she hadn’t lost her mother only a month ago. She wished she could create a new life, one where all of the pain she’d gone through had never really existed at all. She wished she could just go back to being the girl she used to be, the girl who wasn’t constantly holding back tears or kissing other people’s boyfriends. She had no idea who she was anymore, and she had no idea if she even wanted to know the girl she’d become.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	8. Oh How I Wish That Was Me

Rory was in a daze. She’d been back in San Diego for three days, the jet lag hadn’t fully worn off and no matter how loud she played her music or how many episodes of Bones she watched on Netflix, she just couldn’t get used to how quiet the condo was. She knew she had a million things to do. She couldn’t just keep everything the way it was before her mom passed away. She had to go through her things and figure out what she wanted to keep and what she wanted to donate, but she just couldn’t bring herself to touch anything. She didn’t understand how people did this, how people carried on living life after losing the person who’d mattered the most. She didn’t understand how she could go from being someone’s daughter one minute to being all alone the next. She’d been spoiled when she was with Harry. She’d been constantly surrounded by people, or at least by him, and she’d never felt alone. But as she sat on the couch and stared at where her mom’s frame used to be, she felt nothing but emptiness and loneliness and she felt as though the silence was going to suffocate her.

Her phone buzzed from its spot on the arm rest, alerting her to a new message. She felt her chest release some of its anxiety as she saw Harry’s name light up her screen. They’d talked here and there. She’d called him when she’d gotten home that day just as she’d promised, and they’d texted sporadically each day, but it hadn’t been enough. She knew he was busy. He was preparing for the big tour and doing promotional events with the band, but no matter how much she rationally understood the distance, her heart remained heavy. If he was already this busy than she knew she’d never hear from him when the tour actually started, and she didn’t know how she would survive that.

**From: Harry**

**I fucking hate myself for auditioning for the X Factor. I’ve been awake and out of the house since 4 am and I’m just getting home now. Oh, and I miss you.**

Rory smiled at his message. She checked the time on her phone. It was only one o’clock in the afternoon in San Diego, making it already nine o’clock at night for Harry. She didn’t know how he did it. She was exhausted all the time from just being alive, but here he was – constantly busy, travelling around and doing a million things at once and still managing to find time in his life to message her before falling asleep. Her heart swelled at the realization that he was keeping his promise – he was finding time for her in his chaotic life.  

**To: Harry**

**Poor, Curly, is the lifestyle of the rich and famous too much for you? Also, I miss you too**

She didn’t even have time to hit send before a second message was coming through on her phone.

**From: Harry**

**I broke up with Taylor today.**

Rory’s jaw dropped as she processed the unexpected words on her screen. Harry hadn’t talked about Taylor at all since the day she’d left London, he hadn’t even so much as hinted that he was unhappy or wanted out of his relationship, and yet the words were staring right up at her. She’d never heard back from Taylor either, she assumed that she either didn’t give a shit about what Rory had to say or Harry had told her to leave her alone, either way she didn’t really care. She didn’t like Taylor, but she also couldn’t help feeling guilty for being responsible for Harry cheating on her.

She was shaken from her thoughts as her phone started to ring, Harry’s contact picture smiling up at her. “Hi,” she breathed into the phone as she sat back on the couch, waiting to hear his voice.

“Little one,” she could hear the smile in his voice through a thick layer of exhaustion. “How are you?”

Rory rolled her eyes. “No way, Curly, you don’t get to text me something like that and then not explain. What happened?”

Harry laughed as he fell back onto his bed. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed her voice. It had only been a couple of days since he’d heard it last but it felt like forever. “You’re such a gossip.”

“Why did you breakup with her?” Rory pressed him for more details, refusing to give up.

“It’s really not important.”

Rory rolled her eyes again, trying to refrain from screaming at him and his stubbornness. “Harry fucking Styles, why did you end things with your girlfriend?”

“God dammit, woman, you’re so fucking nosey,” he was still smiling. He’d missed how feisty and stubborn she was. “I was just over it, really,” he explained slowly. “She called me after you sent her that message, I wasn’t going to say anything, but fuck, I was proud of you. She pretty much told me that if I talked to you again she’d breakup with me, so I did her the favour and saved her the time and effort.”

“Wait, you broke up with her three days ago?”

Rory was basking in the fact that Harry had chosen their friendship over his relationship with Taylor when there was a sudden knock at her door. “Is somebody there?” Harry asked as he heard the knocking through the phone.

She had no idea who could be standing on the other side of her doorway. She hadn’t talked to any of her old friends since her mother’s death and there was really no one else in her life. “Yeah, one sec,” she kept the phone pressed to her ear as she unlocked and opened the door, revealing a tall, muscular, blonde man standing on the other side.

“Hey baby,” Riley greeted her immediately, a huge smile on his face as he pushed his way passed her.

“Riley, what are you doing here?” Rory asked as she tried to wipe the shocked expression off her face. They hadn’t talked since the day he’d called her while she was in London, and she definitely hadn’t expected him to show up unannounced.

Harry jolted upright on his bed at the mention of Riley’s name. He didn’t recognize the feeling that was running through his body and making his pulse race. Why was Riley at her house? Were they seeing each other again? Why the fuck hadn’t she mentioned anything to him?

“Because I miss my baby and I wanted to see you,” Riley cooed as he placed a hand on Rory’s hip. When he noticed the phone in her one hand he took it from her gently, looking at the caller ID before pressing it to his own ear. “Harry, man, Rory’s gonna have to call you back. She’s a bit busy at the moment,” he said before ending the call and handing the device back to Rory.

Rory stared at the black screen that was now sitting in her hand. “That was fucking rude,” she hissed as she made her way further into the kitchen, her back against the island where her mother used to love to prepare dinner.

Riley rolled his eyes as he approached her, stopping only inches away. “C’mon, baby, I’ve missed you so much.”

She wished she didn’t love hearing those words as much as she did. She’d been so lonely since coming back home, and having Riley standing in front of her felt like a breath of fresh air. She hated the way he’d hung up on Harry, but she also loved the fact that he was fighting for her, that he wanted her back so badly.

“Are you going to give us another chance?” Riley asked, batting his eyelashes for affect. “We were so good, baby, let’s get back to that.”

Rory thought back to her conversation with Harry, when she’d first told him about Riley and why she’d ended their relationship. Harry had told her that Riley would be insane not to love her, regardless of any of the ways she’d changed since losing her mom. Maybe he was right, maybe Riley would love who she was becoming just as much as he’d loved who she used to be. Maybe their relationship didn’t have to be over just because Rory’s life had changed in the most drastic way possible. Maybe their love could persevere through her journey to find herself.

She answered his question by pulling his face towards her and connecting her lips to his. She’d been kissing these lips for the past two years, but it had been a month since she’d last kissed them and they felt foreign. It took her a few seconds to fall back into the pattern they used to have, and Rory wasn’t sure if it was because of the time they’d spent apart or because of the other sets of lips she’d kissed during that time. She pushed thoughts of Zayn and Harry to the back of her head. She didn’t need to tell Riley that she’d kissed two members of One Direction while she was away. They’d been broken up and she knew it would only hurt him, and she’d done enough of that lately.

“I’ll take that as a yes?” Riley asked as they pulled away for air.

Rory nodded, a smile on her face. Her phone vibrated from its spot on the counter, a message from Harry lighting up her screen. She’d somehow forgotten about the fact that she’d been on the phone with him only minutes before. She didn’t read it, she wanted to keep her attention on Riley as much as possible.

“When were you going to tell me that you were hanging out with Harry Styles?” Riley asked as he narrowed his eyes towards the phone. He was trying to make out the words of the message but the screen went black before he could read it.

Rory shrugged as she sat down at the island, pushing out a stool so that Riley would do that same. “I didn’t think it was a big deal really. I got in a minor accident when I was driving to Holmes Chapel and he just happened to be the first and only other driver that passed me on the road. He gave me a ride.”

“And then you stayed at his place in London?” she thought she could detect jealousy in his voice but decided to ignore it. “It looked like you guys had a really good time on New Year’s.”

“You saw the pictures?”

Riley rolled his eyes. “Obviously, they’re all over the internet and people have been tagging you in shit on Instagram like crazy,” he took one of her hands in his and started playing with her fingers. “Did anything happen between you guys?”

This was her chance. If she was going to make sure that their relationship was more open and honest this time around then this was the time to start. A part of her wanted to tell him the truth, to make sure she wasn’t hiding anything from him, but a bigger part of her wanted to keep what happened between her and Harry a secret that only the two of them knew. Nothing like that was ever going to happen between them again. He was her friend, maybe even her best friend, and no one needed to know about their moment of impulsivity.

“No,” Rory lied as she shook her head. “We’re friends, that’s it.”

She couldn’t tell if he believed her, but she honestly didn’t really care. He was the one showing up and asking for her to take him back, so she felt very little need to justify her friendship with Harry to him.

Riley stayed over for a couple of hours, making up for lost time. Rory wasn’t sure if she’d missed him, or if she’d just missed having someone around, but when he left she was instantly filled with the loneliness that had been feeding off of her for the last few days. She hated herself for picking her phone up immediately after kissing Riley goodbye and promising to see him the next day. She hated herself even more for dialing his number even though she knew he was probably exhausted and most likely asleep by now. She hated herself the most for not caring if she woke him up. She needed to hear his voice and she didn’t want to be alone.

“Rory?” he answered on the second ring, wide awake and his voice high with worry. “Are you alright? What the hell happened? What did Riley do?”

“Curly, I’m fine, don’t worry. He just wanted to talk.”

Harry let out a deep breath that felt like he’d been holding in for the past two hours. “So he just took your phone and hung up on me? That’s a dick move.”

Rory had a feeling she was going to be constantly referring Harry and Riley’s obvious disdain for one another. “I know, I’m sorry, I told him off for it.”

“You could’ve at least texted me back. But I guess you were a bit too busy for that,” Harry’s voice was laced with sarcasm as he mocked Riley’s previous words.

“Harry,” Rory sighed, she didn’t want to fight with him, especially about Riley. “I’m sorry, okay? I won’t let him pull something like that again.”

He didn’t know why everything she said was pissing him off, but he was beyond annoyed. He would never let one of his friends treat her the way Riley had treated him, and he sure as hell wouldn’t hang out with someone who was that rude in the first place. “Again? So are you guys back together then?”

She didn’t understand what his problem was. She had very little experience with this side of Harry, not since the whole Zayn situation, but she knew she didn’t like it. “Yes.”

“Why?” he didn’t give a shit how he was coming across, he didn’t understand what made Riley so special for Rory to go crawling back to him the second she was back in California.

“What is wrong with you?” Rory snapped, digging the heel of her palm into her eye to alleviate some of the tension from the headache that was building. “Did you forget to take your happy pill today or something?”

He sighed, taking a deep breath to try to calm himself down. “I just want to know why you got back together,” he explained, talking at a much slower pace than normal.

“Because we still love each other,” she didn’t understand why he needed an explanation. Couldn’t he just be happy that she had someone? Couldn’t he just be happy that she wasn’t going to spend every single second of every single day alone? “I only broke up with him because I didn’t think he could love the new me, but you were the one who convinced me that he could. I don’t want to just let things go because I’m afraid he won’t like the person I am now. I should at least give our past and the love we have for each other a chance, shouldn’t I?”

Harry knew he was being ridiculous. He knew that he had no right to ask her to explain her decisions or make her feel like she was making a mistake. She was his friend and he was supposed to be supportive, not judgmental. “I’m sorry, little one. I just want to make sure you’re happy.”

“I am.” Rory wasn’t sure if that was even remotely true. She wasn’t happy, not really. She was missing a huge part of her life, and her new best friend lived on the other side of the ocean. But Riley made her happy, didn’t he? “I miss you, Curly. A lot.”

He sighed and ran a hand through his curls. He missed her more than he wanted to admit. His house felt empty and far too quiet. He missed her laugh, the way she’d tucked her cold feet under his bum when they were watching a movie, the way her hair smelled like peonies, the way her tongue tasted. Harry sighed at his stupid brain. “I miss you too, love,” he said through a yawn.

“Go to sleep, Harry, you’re exhausted.”

The truth was, Harry hadn’t really had a good night’s sleep since the day he’d dropped Rory off at the airport. He wished he could rewind time and go back to when they were in Holmes Chapel and shared his childhood bed. He wanted to go back to when they were lying right beside each other, their fingers brushing under the duvet. He wanted to wake up before her and witness the perfection of her sleeping face. Rory was right, he needed sleep, he was obviously going insane. “Text me tomorrow?”

She smiled at the request. He seemed so insecure about their friendship, as if she was just going to wake up one day and forget about his existence. “Of course, Curly. Sweet dreams.”

“Goodnight, little one,” he whispered as he closed his eyes and ended the call with the hopes of hearing her voice over and over again in his dreams.

 

*             *          *

Rory woke up to the sun shining through the white sheers that covered her bedroom window. Her bed was empty; Riley had stayed at his own apartment the night before so that he’d make it to his early class on time. It was strange to wake up alone. Rory had spent the last few weeks with Riley constantly by her side. She hadn’t touched any of her mother’s things, and Riley didn’t seem too interested in bringing up the topic. Rory spent her days pretending as though her mother had never existed. She’d closed the door to her bedroom and stayed as far away from it as possible. She knew she couldn’t live like this for forever, but she would damn well try.

She reached over and grabbed her phone from her night stand, a frown taking over her face when she noticed there was still no message from Harry. She hadn’t heard from him since yesterday morning – which had been the early evening for him. There hadn’t been a single day where he missed texting or calling to say goodnight, no matter how busy he was, until now. It was February 1st, his nineteenth birthday, and Rory had no doubt that he probably had a million different things going on, but it didn’t stop her from dialing his number and pressing her phone to her ear. She couldn’t help the way her heart ached when the phone rang a few times and then was sent to voicemail. Was Harry avoiding her? Had he finally realized he didn’t need her in his life? She didn’t care how desperate or crazy she seemed; she hit redial and waited for Harry to answer and apologize for accidentally hitting ignore. She was left feeling even worse when the voicemail kicked in after just one ring. She’d expected this day to come eventually, but not so soon, and definitely not like this.

She was shaken from her self-loathing thoughts by a knock at her door. She used the sleeves of the shirt she’d slept in to wipe the tears from her face. She hadn’t even realized she’d been crying; she hadn’t even realized she’d be this hurt when Harry finally gave up on her. She knew her eyes were still red and wet, but she pulled the door open anyways. She felt her whole body inflate with hair when she took in the person standing before her and the stupid smile on his face.

“You sure know how to try to ruin a surprise."


	9. It's A Long Way Down From Here

“You sure know how to try to ruin a surprise,” Harry stated, his dimples as pronounced as ever. “What, have you been crying?”

And just like that, his arms were wrapped around her. Rory was speechless. She was confused by his sudden appearance at her front door and utterly content by being in his arms for the first time in what felt like forever.

“Why are you crying?” Harry had imagined a million different reactions, he’d even expected happy tears, but the tears running down her face seemed to be the exact opposite of happy.

Rory tried to calm herself. She knew she must look ridiculous; she knew Harry must think she was absolutely insane. “I thought...never mind,” she pulled away from their embrace and stepped aside to let Harry through the door.

“I thought you’d be happy to see me,” Harry had his eyebrows knitted together with worry and confusion.

Rory shook her head. “Of course I’m happy to see you.”

Harry moved closer to her, placing his hands on her shoulders. “But you look sad.”

She took a deep breath. She knew she may as well admit the truth. “I thought you were avoiding me,” she rolled her eyes at the smirk that took over his face. Of course his cocky self would love that he was able to have this effect on her just by sending her calls to voicemail.

“Aw, love, I’m sorry,” he said softly as he moved his hands to Rory’s waist, pulling her against his chest yet again. “I would never avoid you, little one. I just wanted to surprise you, and I knew if I answered the phone I’d ruin it.”

She felt silly now. She should have known better than to jump to conclusions; she should have known better than to think that Harry would just forget her like that. “Oh my god! Happy Birthday!” Rory exclaimed, placing a single kiss to his cheek.

 Harry smiled brightly as he followed her into the living room, taking a seat beside her. “Thank you.”

 “What are you doing here anyways?”

He threw an arm around her as he moved so that he was sitting as close as possible. He’d missed this. He’d missed her more than he thought was even possible. “I wanted to spend my birthday with my best friend,” he said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.   
“Plus, I wanted to take advantage of the time I have before the tour starts. I was kind of hoping you’d come to LA with me.”

“Really?” she’d been to Los Angeles plenty of times, but LA with Harry was a whole different story. “When?”

“Monday. We’re filming Ellen on Tuesday and I thought we could spend the week there,” he was watching her with hopeful eyes. He’d never considered the fact that she might say no. He’d never considered the idea that he could just be intruding on her life.

Rory’s face lit up the exact way he’d hoped it would. “I’d love that, Curly. Are you going to stay here for the weekend?”

He’d hoped she would want him to. He couldn’t imagine being in the same city as her but sleeping somewhere else. All he wanted was to spend as much time with her as possible. “I was hoping that would be okay, but I wasn’t sure how your boyfriend would feel about it.”

“He’ll be fine.”

Harry raised an eyebrow, not buying her answer for a single second. He could tell from what she’d already told him and by the way he’d taken the phone from her that day that Riley was the jealous type. He had a feeling that the second he knew that Harry was in town and staying at Rory’s condo that he would be the exact opposite of fine. “Then it’s settled, we’re shacking up, little one.”

 

*           *           *

 They spent the day sitting on the sofa chatting, filling each other in on all of the little things they’d missed while being apart. It had only been a month, but it had felt like forever. Harry was jet lagged and exhausted, his head laying in Rory’s lap as he told her about all of the promotional events he’d gone to for the tour and how much he missed his mum. Her fingers were twirling in his curls and his eyes were drifting closed just as the door to the condo swung open with no warning.

“Baby, did you remember to wash my...” Riley stopped dead in his tracks as he entered the living room to find Harry Styles quickly sitting up from his girlfriend’s lap, his stupid hand with its stupid rings running through his hair awkwardly. “What the fuck did I miss?”

Rory stood up from her spot on the couch, feeling somewhat guilty for the way Riley had found them. “Riley, this is Harry – Harry this is Riley.”

Harry extended his hand, a smile on his face. “Nice to meet you.”

Riley took one look at the extended hand in front of him and looked back to Rory, not even bothering to meet Harry’s gesture. “What is he doing here?”

Rory’s heart was racing with anxiety. She’d imagined the day Riley and Harry would meet and had hoped that the two most important men in her life would hit it off and become friends, but clearly that was not how this was going to play out. “He surprised me...”

Harry cut her off before she could finish her sentence. The last thing he wanted was for Riley to think he’d made some sort of grand gesture to win over Rory. Not that that was what he was doing, at least he didn’t think it was. “I have some stuff going on over here before the tour starts, and just thought I’d drop in and catch up with Rory.”

“He's going to stay here for the weekend, and then we're going to LA on Monday," Rory filled in the gaps that Harry left. She didn't need Riley thinking she was keeping those things from him. 

"Who said I'm going to LA?" Riley asked, his lips turned up in disgust. If he hated anything more than the boy bander standing in front of him it was Los Angeles. 

She shook her head, both disappointed with his reaction and annoyed with his response. "You aren't. Harry and I are." 

"Right," Riley scoffed. "I don't think so, babe."

This time Rory rolled her eyes and grabbed his wrist, pulling him towards the kitchen. She wasn't about to hash this out in front of Harry. "You don't get to tell me what I can and can't do, you know that right?"

Riley smiled obnoxiously. "You're my girlfriend. Why the fuck would I want you going out of town with him? Hell, I don't even want him staying here?"

"What's your problem? You don't even know him."

Riley rolled his eyes. It never ceased to amaze him how naive and oblivious Rory could be sometimes. "He's some famous asshole who is used to getting whatever the fuck he wants. And I'd say it's pretty fucking clear that he wants you."

"He's my best friend, you're my boyfriend," even as she said the words her mind was set ablaze with memories of New Year's Eve and the way Harry's hands and tongue had roamed her body. "You're all I want."

Riley sighed. “I still don’t like this. You need to ask me before you go around making decisions like this. How would you feel if I had some girl staying at my place and then I just went off to LA with her for 5 days?”

“I would trust you,” she admitted easily. “If you told me that there was nothing going on I would believe you. It’s that easy.” Rory didn’t know if she was telling him the truth or not. Riley had never cheated on her, that she knew of, but that didn’t mean that she didn’t notice the way he looked at every girl that walked by him. There was something about the hunger in his eyes that always threw her off a bit, and she had a feeling if the opportunity presented itself that Riley would jump into bed with someone else. “Can we just go back in there now? Harry probably thinks we’re probably having some stupid fight.”

“I don’t give a fuck what he thinks,” Riley muttered, but he followed her back into the living room anyways. He’d be damned if he was going to give them even more alone time.

They sat around the room awkwardly. Harry was now seated on the chair, watching the way Riley’s hand never left Rory’s thigh as they sat together on the couch. He hated the way it looked; Riley was constantly touching her, as if he was trying to make some sort of claim, tell Harry that Rory would never belong to him. But Harry didn’t need some stupid fucking reminder, it was clear as day. For some unknown reason she was in love with this surfer asshole, and Harry had no clue what she even saw in him. He’d only known the guy for all of ten minutes and he already wanted to punch him in the face. He’d heard every word of their little argument, not that he’d been eavesdropping – okay, he’d moved as close to the kitchen as possible and had purposely listened to the whole thing, but that didn’t really matter. All he knew was that Rory and Riley’s relationship was clearly fucked up. Riley didn’t trust her for a single second, and maybe he’d been right about Harry wanting her, but that didn’t give him the right to talk to her like that. Harry had wanted to storm into the kitchen and tell Riley off for thinking he could boss Rory around, but he knew better. And if he was going to be perfectly honest with himself, the way Rory had told Riley that she only wanted him had stung just a bit more than he’d expected it to. His mind had been filled with memories of her lips and the smell of her hair for the past month, but she obviously only saw him as a friend, and he wasn’t quite sure how he was going to live with that.

“You must get pretty damn tired of having ten year olds chasing you around everywhere you go,” Riley commented as Harry talked about the upcoming tour and how excited he was to see all of his fans and travel the world.

Harry shrugged. “Not really. I love my fans and I wouldn’t be doing what I love if they weren’t around. Besides, we have a lot of older fans too. You wouldn’t even believe how many times I’ve gotten laid since the X Factor.” He didn’t know why he said it, but he immediately looked to Rory to gauge her reaction. His heart sank when he noticed that she was just smiling, her fingers drawing circles on Riley’s knee. She couldn’t care less about the girls Harry was or wasn’t fucking, and that only made him feel even more empty.

Rory couldn’t sleep that night. Riley had insisted on staying over – most likely because he didn’t want her to be alone with Harry – but she still felt alone in the bed. She could feel Harry’s presence from his spot on the couch. There had been so many times that she’d wanted to apologize for Riley’s behaviour, but she didn’t bother. She’d felt like she’d been watching some sort of weird competition between the two of them the entire night. Riley wouldn’t keep his hands off of her and Harry had kept his eyes focused on her for most of the evening. She didn’t know what he was trying to prove, but when he started talking about the amount of sex he’d had since the creation of One Direction, she’d felt like she was going to vomit. This wasn’t the Harry she knew. Yes, he was always cocky and trying to be charming, but he wasn’t one to use his conquests to show that he was some type of man. She didn’t understand why he felt the need to prove to Riley that he could get any girl he wanted. She didn’t understand anything really, not anymore.

 

*           *          *

 When Rory woke up the next morning, Riley was already gone. He had classes and work at night, which meant that she'd finally be alone with Harry. She felt bad that his birthday hasn't exactly been what he'd been hoping for. She was sure he hadn't quite hoped to spend it having a pissing contest with her boyfriend, and all she wanted to do was make it up to him. He deserved better. 

She walked out of her bedroom in her pajama shorts and the long t-shirt she'd worn to bed. She expected to find Harry still fast asleep, his body exhausted from the travel and the jet lag, but when she entered the living room the blankets were folded neatly on the couch and he was nowhere to be found. Rory's heart started to race as she thought of the possibilities. Maybe he'd left at the break of dawn, realizing he shouldn't have bothered coming at all. But she kicked herself for jumping to conclusions once again when her front door opened and Harry walked in carrying a tray filled with Starbucks cups and a bag full of pastries. 

"How do you keep getting into my building? The last time I checked you needed a fob to get in," Rory joked as she took the tray from his hands and led him into the kitchen. He'd bought enough coffee to make sure they were never tired again. She loved that he shared her addiction for caffeine. 

Harry laughed as he sat down at the island and pulled a piece of banana loaf from the paper bag. He knew it was Rory's favourite so he'd bought every slice they had. He had a tendency to go overboard but he didn't care. "The security guard and I are mates, he's quite funny actually."

Rory shook her head, a smile on her face. "Only you would become best friends with the security guard who works at the front desk."

"I just bribed him with a vanilla bean frappe," he explained before taking a long sip from his coffee. His head was spinning with exhaustion, but he was determined to stay awake the whole day. He didn't want to lose a single minute. "Oh, and I signed a bunch of stuff for his daughter and promised I'd meet her tomorrow."

“That’s very sweet of you.”

Harry shot a wink in Rory’s direction. “I’m a sweetheart, didn’t you already know this?”

She did know this, except for last night when he was going on and on about all the girls he’s bedded. “I want to do something for your birthday, you kinda got gipped yesterday.”

“Mmm,” Harry agreed through a mouthful of muffin. “What do you have in mind?”

She tried to think of her favourite things to do, but they were all her favourite things to do with her mom, and it didn’t feel right to do them anymore. She wanted Harry’s time in San Diego to be special and memorable, but she didn’t know how to do that without spending the whole day missing her mom. She’d become a professional in pretending she’d never existed, and she didn’t know if she was ready to give up the role quite yet.

“Little one,” Harry interrupted her deep thoughts by placing a large palm on her shoulder. He could tell she was lost inside her head, and he desperately wanted to save her. “Do you want to talk about why your mum’s bedroom door is closed? You haven’t talked about her to me in a really long time.”

Rory didn’t understand why he had to be such a good mind reader at all times. It made it impossible for her to hide anything from him, and she wasn’t quite sure if she liked that or not. “It’s nothing. I just, I don’t know, I haven’t felt like going through her things yet. I didn’t want to do it alone,” she added in a whisper, half hoping he would miss it.

Of course Riley hadn’t been there for her. Of course he hadn’t let her talk about her mom or offer to be there for her while she went through her things. Harry hated Riley more and more with each passing second. The guy didn’t deserve Rory, he didn’t deserve to be in her presence let alone be her boyfriend. “Why don’t I come with you and we go in there and just sit?”

Rory stared at him. She'd forgotten how easy it was to get lost in his emerald eyes and the way they seemed to just exude kindness. She'd gotten so used to avoiding the topic of her mom; she'd gotten so used to stepping on eggshells around Riley, that she'd forgotten what it was like to have someone on her side. Harry was a good friend, maybe he was the best friend she could ever ask for, and she'd never understand what she'd done in her life to deserve him. 

"You'd do that?" She asked in a whisper. 

Harry nodded his head as he stood up, his coffee cup in one hand as he extended the other towards her, begging Rory to take it. She smiled a small smile as she tucked her small palm into his giant one and let him lead her to the closed door. He stopped outside of it and squeezed the hand he was holding, letting Rory know he wasn't going anywhere. 

"We'll stand here until you're ready," he stated quietly. 

She didn't know if she was ready - she didn't know if she'd ever be ready. But having Harry beside her made her less afraid. With his hand holding hers she felt like she could do anything, because she knew he'd be there to catch her if she were to fall. Rory took a deep breath and reached for the door knob, her heart basically exploding inside of her chest.

"I'm right here," Harry reminded her as she turned the doorknob and pushed the door open. 

It was exactly as she'd left it, just as it should be, but it killed her to know that her mom hadn't stepped foot in this room for two months. It hurt her more than anything she'd ever felt to see the layer of dust that had collected on the surface of the furniture. How had time passed so quickly and yet so slowly at the same time? Rory felt as though she couldn't breathe. It was like the room was spinning, daring her to try to stay afoot. She felt her hand slip out of Harry's as she wrapped her arms around her stomach and fell to the floor, a sob ripping through her chest. 

Harry wished he could take her pain away. He wished he could soak it all up and feel it himself so that she didn't have to. He'd never seen her like this, and while he was happy he could be there for her it killed him to watch her fall apart. It killed him that all he could do was kneel beside her and wrap his arms around her body and hold her through every sob that raked through her body. “I’m sorry,” he whispered as he felt his own tears escape his eyes. “I shouldn’t have pushed you to do this.”

Rory looked up to meet his gaze, taking in the way his eyes were shining from the tears he was crying for her and the pain she was feeling. She’d never felt so tethered to another human, and it was amazing that even in the midst of all this pain that she could find comfort in the connection she had with Harry. “Don’t,” she whispered back as she ran her fingers through his hair, pushing it off his face like he always did. “I need this, I need to feel her, to be around her.”

They spent the next few hours sitting on the floor in Rory’s mom’s bedroom, looking through clothes, jewelry boxes and photo albums. Harry made her realize she didn't need to rush to get rid of any of her things. She could leave everything exactly the way it was and take small baby steps towards her new life. She could keep the door open and honour her mom’s life while not allowing herself to become engulfed in pain and sorrow. It was going to be hard, but she needed to find a common ground. She needed to figure out a way to exist in a world where her mom was just a memory. She'd read in a book once when her mom was dying that one of the hardest parts about grief was reallocating the person who died in your life. It was unbearably difficult to figure out what she was supposed to do with all of the love, anger and sadness she felt towards her mother. If she wasn't her daughter anymore, then who was she?

"You were the cutest kid ever," Harry cooed as he flipped through an old photo album. "Look at how chubby your cheeks were!"

Rory hated how much everyone loved her chubby cheeks that had plagued her until she'd finally hit puberty. "Shut up, Harold."

He laughed and leaned over so that his fingers could pinch her cheeks. "Don't worry, love, you're still cute."

Rory rolled her eyes but couldn't fight the smile that spread across her face. "Coming from pretty boy himself."

"You think I'm pretty?" Harry asked the question with his signature smirk, making sure his dimples were at their finest. 

She rolled her eyes again as she stood up from the floor. "You know you're hot, that's the problem."

"What do you mean?" He asked as he followed her out of the room into the kitchen. 

Rory met his perfectly green irises as she took a frozen pizza out of the freezer and ripped open the package. "I mean that you're well aware of the effect you have on people, on girls. You know that all you have to do is run your hand through your hair and show off your dimples and you'll have their panties dropping in a second."

"Is that all it took for you?" He didn't really realize he was saying it until it was out of his mouth. They hadn't talked about New Year’s Eve since their time together in London, and he hadn't meant to be the first one to tread the topic. She'd asked him to pretend as though it had never happened, but the truth was he couldn't stop thinking about it. All he wanted to do was relive that kiss, that car ride back to his house. He'd do anything to have her straddling his lap again. He internally yelled at himself for not being able to let go of the memories. He obviously needed to get laid. 

Rory tried not to seem affected by his comment, but a little gasp of shock left her mouth before she could stop it. She'd be lying if she said she never thought about that night, but she was so afraid that bringing it up would ruin their friendship. It had only been a kiss - okay, she knew it was more than just that - but Harry had stopped it before it had gone too far. She knew full well that if he hadn't of put a stop to it that she would have let anything happen. His lips had been so intoxicating and his hands had been like magic. She'd done everything in her power to forget the way his lips and fingers had felt on her skin but she seemed to relive them almost nightly in her dreams. 

"Stop being so crass, Curly," Rory chided as she slid the pizza into the oven. She was trying her very best to put an end to their conversation, no matter how much she actually wanted it to continue. 

Harry continued to smile even though his chest just felt heavier than it already had. It was becoming increasingly more obvious that Rory didn't want to talk about their little moment, that it had merely just been a hookup. He shouldn't be hurt - she'd been drunk at the time and had clearly only acted on impulse. Why would she want someone like him anyways? He had nothing to offer, but then again, neither did Riley. 

“Where’s your charming boyfriend?” Harry hated the sarcasm that laced his voice and the way Rory’s face fell because of it. He didn’t mean to be cruel or mean, but he couldn’t help it. He hated the fact that she was with that asshole instead of him.

Rory knew why Harry seemed to hate Riley so much. Riley was the kind of guy you had to get to know before you could like him. Harry hadn’t given him a chance, but then again, Riley had been nothing but a jealous asshole towards him. “He has class and work. He’ll probably come by later tonight.”

“What’s he studying? Douchebag 101?”

Rory couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her mouth. She didn’t understand how Harry’s dry humour could be so funny. “Stop being an asshole. You don’t even know him.”

Harry shrugged. “I don’t really need to. I can tell he’s a dick. He basically tries to control you.”

She didn’t bother saying anything because she knew it was true. Riley had always been overbearing. She’d always told herself that he was just trying to protect her, but she also knew it was mostly because he was overly jealous. But she didn’t want to admit that to Harry because then she’d have to admit that she wasn’t happy – and she couldn’t even really admit that to herself.

Harry sighed at her silence. He didn’t want to spend this entire trip fighting with her about Riley the asshole. “I’m sorry,” he said as he wrapped his arms around her body, kissing the top of her head. “I’m sorry for being a dick, little one. I just love you and I don’t want to see you get hurt.” His eyes widened at his own words. He’d meant he loved her as a best friend – right?

 

*            *          *

 Rory woke up at 1 in the morning to her bedroom door creaking open and Riley not bothering to be quiet as he walked in and got ready for bed. She was used to him showing up late, but he never tried to make sure not to wake her up. 

"How was work?" She asked as she perched herself on her elbows. 

He shrugged as he undressed and climbed into bed. "Boring, wanna have some fun now." He was hovering over her in an instant, his fingers trying to push down the shorts she was wearing. 

Rory pressed her hands to each other of Riley's shoulders and pushed him slightly off of her body. "Harry's right out there." 

Riley looked at her dumbfounded. "So?"

"So, you probably woke him up with all your stomping around."

"Again, so?" 

Rory sighed. "I don't want him to hear us having sex."

Riley's eyebrows furrowed in confusion for a second before he exhaled dramatically and rolled off of her. "Why the fuck would you even care?" 

She should have known that it would cause a fight, anything regarding her denying him sex or the mere mention of Harry's name seemed to cause an argument. "C'mon, Ry, it's awkward."

"Why? Because he's going to cry himself to sleep with the realization that he'll never have you? That he'll never make you come the way I do, that he'll never make you come at all?" Riley's voice was laced with anger as he slid his hand down the front of Rory's shorts only for her stop him before he could get to his destination. 

"I said no," she was stern this time, sitting up and glaring at him. 

"For fucks sakes, Aurora!" Riley was yelling now as he got out of the bed and started pulling his jeans back on. "You've barely let me fuck you since we got back together! Ever since your mom got sick you've been making up stupid ass excuses!"

Rory gasped at his words. Was he really using her mom’s illness and the months she'd spend taking care of her against her? Did he really hold that much resentment towards her? "You said you understood," her voice was a whisper compared to his booming one. 

"Well, yeah! I thought if I was patient and shit but your mom is fucking dead and you're still acting like the virgin fucking Mary!" Riley only got angrier when he noticed the tears falling down his girlfriend’s face. "I can get laid anytime I want, so don't think for a second you're anything special. I'll go fuck some random girl and it'll be your fault."

Rory was shocked – she didn’t know what to say or how they’d gotten to this point. She opened her mouth to fight back, but was interrupted by a soft knock on the bedroom door.

“You have nothing to say?” Riley ignored the knocking and continued on with his yelling. “You don’t give a shit if I go and fuck some other girl because you’re probably fucking that asshole out there anyways!”

The knocking grew louder and more frantic. “Rory?” Harry’s voice called from the other side of the door. “Is everything alright?”

Riley’s face grew red with anger and annoyance as he stomped towards the door and swung it open to reveal Harry, who’s facial expression was filled with worry. “What the fuck do you want?”

Harry looked between Rory and Riley, trying to decide if he wanted to punch Riley in the face or rush to Rory’s side. He decided to move towards Rory, his hands instinctively moving to either side of her face. “Are you okay?”

As Rory started to nod her head, Riley laughed from behind them. “You guys are fucking pathetic,” he sneered. “Looks like you got yourself a night in fucking armour to save you from your big bad boyfriend who just wants to have sex with his girlfriend.”

"Get out,” Rory was barely breathing. She needed him to leave. She didn’t understand how the man who’d begged her to give him another chance could stand there and say these things to her. Riley was supposed to be her person, he was supposed to be what kept her afloat, but he was just tearing her apart piece by piece.

Riley stood his ground, shaking his head. “If I walk out that door, I’m never coming back. You’ll be alone just like your mom always was.”

“She said get out,” Harry said as he turned his head to glare at Riley. He was trying his best to contain his rage. He wanted nothing more than to grab Riley by the collar of his shirt and throw him out the door, but he was smart enough to know that Riley could probably beat him in a fight.

“You can fucking have her,” Riley spat as he put his shoes on. “She’s a fucking mess. Have fun trying to sort her shit out.”

“Get the fuck out of here,” Harry repeated, his anger making his speech even slower than usual.

Riley laughed as he turned his back and walked away. He didn’t say anything more as he stomped to the front door and slammed it behind him, shaking the pictures that hung on the walls. Harry and Rory stood in the wake of his anger in silence, neither of them wanting to break the quiet that had finally filled the space. Harry moved his arms so that he was holding her against him. All he wanted to do was hold her and take away her pain; he just wanted to show her that there were good people out there who loved her and would do anything for her. _He_ would do anything for her.

Rory burrowed her head in his chest as she let the tears fall freely. She could take all of the accusations of cheating and Riley’s anger about the lack of sex they’d been having, but all of the things he’d said about her mom had ruined her. She didn’t understand how he could use any part of her mother’s illness or death against her, or how he could stand there and try to make anything about her mother’s life seem broken or sad. She didn’t understand how someone who claimed to love her could want to destroy her in so many different ways.

“Little one,” Harry cooed into Rory’s ear as he ran his hand up and down her back to comfort her. “Hey, look at me,” he said as he separated their bodies just enough so that he could lift her chin with his finger so that she was looking at him.

She only cried harder once she made contact with her favourite pair of green eyes. “Thank you.”

Harry didn’t need her to thank him, he needed her to know that nothing Riley had said was even remotely close to being true. He needed her to know that she was worth more than anything else in the entire world. He needed her to know that he would do absolutely anything for her. But he didn’t know how to say any of it; he’d never been good at verbalizing his thoughts and emotions. “You are an incredible person,” he stated as he wiped his thumbs under her eyes to clear the tears. “You are the best person I’ve ever met in my entire life, and I promise you that you deserve to have someone who worships the ground you walk on.”

Rory sniffled as the last couple of tears fell from her eyes. It was amazing to her that someone like Harry could exist in the same world as someone as cruel as Riley. “Yeah, whatever, Curly,” she brushed off his words. No matter how much she wanted them to be true she knew that they weren’t. “Life’s had a pretty funny way of showing me how much I deserve.”

“I’m being serious, love,” he reaffirmed as he placed a kiss to her forehead, letting his lips linger for a couple seconds before her pulled away. “You deserve to have someone who truly loves you, who proves their love to you every day, not someone who speaks to you like that.” _Someone like me_ was what he really wanted to say, but he couldn’t, not now – maybe not ever.

Rory screwed her eyes shut as she took a few deep breaths to slow her brain down. She needed sleep. She needed to forget this night ever happened. “Will you stay with me tonight?” she looked into Harry’s eyes apprehensively, worried that he’d feel uncomfortable with the idea after everything that had happened on New Year’s. “Like, just sleep in the bed with me? I don’t want to be alone,” she explained.

Harry hated that she seemed to be worried that he wouldn’t want to sleep in the bed with her. He wanted her to know that he would do literally anything for her; he wanted her to know that he’d walk to hell and back for her if that’s what it took to show her what she deserved. But all he could do was nod his head and offer a small smile. “Of course, little one,” he answered as he turned off the bedroom light and watched her tuck herself into her side of the bed before he did the same. He stayed on his side, not knowing where the boundaries were – he didn’t want to cross a line again; he couldn’t risk losing her.

Rory needed to remember what it felt like to lay in Harry’s arms – she needed to remember what it felt like to be surrounded by someone who truly cared about her. She shuffled over so that there was no space between them and rested her head on Harry’s chest, her arm falling across his body. She felt the anxiety in her chest lift when his arms finally wrapped around her, holding her against tight his body. She’d forgotten how comfortable and safe he made her feel, and it was something she never wanted to forget again.

“You’re my best friend,” she whispered as she closed her eyes and hoped she’d dream of something other than Riley’s words or the image of her dying mother.

Harry’s head was swimming from how close they were. His senses were being overpowered by the scent of peonies from her hair and the way his skin burned where their bodies connected. His heart both expanded and sank with her words. He wanted to be Rory’s anchor; he wanted to be her lifeline and her safe place, even if that meant giving up the other things he yearned for. “You’re my best friend too, little one.”

 

*           *          *

 Rory didn’t know if she should be surprised or not when Riley didn’t show up or attempt to contact her at all the next day. She sat alone in the condo while Harry went to meet the concierge’s daughter, replaying every single word Riley had said to her over and over again in her head. She’d never expected them to end that way. She’d never expected him to hurt her the way he did. She’d managed to have a surprisingly good sleep after everything that happened. She’d fallen asleep almost instantly, the warmth from Harry’s body encasing her and making her feel safer than she had in a really long time.

Harry had barely slept an hour. He’d stayed awake, his fingers combing through her hair as the hours passed until dawn. No matter how hard he tried he just couldn’t will his mind to turn off. He replayed every single thing that had happened, every single word Riley had said to Rory. He hated him. Riley had had the chance to love Rory, to give her the world, and he had ruined her instead. If he had been in Riley’s place he would have done everything in his power to make her happy. He would have shown her that it was possible to be happy, that she was deserving of all of the love he had to offer. But Harry would show her this regardless of what they were. He would be the best friend he could be, and he’d love her unconditionally. All he wanted was to see her happy – to make her happy – and he was prepared to do whatever it took.

 

*           *          *

 Monday came quickly and slowly all at once. Rory was looking forward to getting away – getting away from San Diego, the constant reminder of the loss of her mother and any chance that Riley may show up at her door. She hadn’t heard from him since Saturday night, since she’d yelled at him to get out after all of the horrible things that had come out of his mouth. She kept waiting for her phone to go off, for Riley’s face to light up her screen, but it never came.  She didn’t know if what she was feeling was relief or disappointment. She didn’t know if she wanted him to show up and beg for forgiveness.

Harry walked through the front door after loading his rental car with their bags, a smile on his face at the idea of the road trip he was about to take with Rory. He couldn’t wait to be stuck in a car with her, no matter how short the drive was to LA. Being alone with her was one of his favourite activities ever. “You ready to get going, love?”

Rory nodded her head, a smile on her face as she walked to meet him at the door. She couldn’t get out of San Diego any faster. She needed to forget the last couple of days and the heartache it had caused. Regardless of the awful things Riley had said and the terrible way he had treated her, her heart was still heavy from the loss of their relationship. She didn’t know what she’d do when she came back after this little trip. She’d be all alone again and would probably be swallowed up by the silence. Harry would be too busy on tour to even know she’d disappeared.

“Let’s get the hell out of here,” she said, following him out the door and locking it behind her. She almost smiled at the symbolism. She was locking her life up in that condo. She was locking up her memories with her mom and she was locking up the memories with Riley, the good and the bad. She was going to store them in there until she came back. She was going to forget about everything and try to enjoy herself as much as possible while she was in Los Angeles. She needed a break, from everything.

“Fucking hell,” Harry muttered under his breath when they walked out of the building and into the blaring California sun. Riley was standing against a red sedan, his hands buried deep into the pockets of his shorts and his forehead lined with worry – maybe even regret.

Riley looked up as they exited the building, instantly moving towards Rory. “Baby,” his voice was pleading as he stepped in front of them, not paying any attention to Harry or the enraged scowl on his face.

“Do not fucking touch her,” Harry growled, his voice deep and threatening. “Leave her alone.”

Riley continued to ignore him as he put a hand on Rory’s shoulder – she winced at the contact. She felt dirty just having his skin on hers, after everything he’d said. “Baby, I’m so sorry, please forgive me.”

Rory frantically reached for Harry’s hand, which was already waiting for her. He laced his fingers through hers and squeezed. He’d never let go, not as long as she needed him. “No.” After everything that had happened, it was a simple response, but it was the only one she had.

Riley sighed. He was trying to stay calm, but just the sight of Rory’s hand in Harry’s was enough to drive him crazy. “Please, baby, let me make it up to you. I promise I won’t ever do anything like that again. I love you so much.”

Rory finally lifted her eyes to his. There was once a time when she loved looking into his blue irises, but now she felt nothing but pain and anxiety when she searched them. “That can’t possibly be true,” she whispered. “You don’t treat someone you love like that.”

“Fuck!” he was losing it. Riley couldn’t contain his frustration or desperation any longer. “Let me prove to you how much I love you.”

Harry squeezed Rory’s hand again, brushing his thumb along her soft skin. “It’s over, Riley. Don’t come here again, yeah?” he said as he glared at Riley.

“Fuck off, _mate_ ,” Riley sneered. “She’ll never be yours. When are you going to get that through your thick fucking skull?”

Harry shook his head at the pathetic excuse of a man that was standing in front of him. He moved his hand to Rory’s waist so that he could guide her towards the car and away from Riley. But they were stopped when Riley’s hand shot out and grabbed Rory’s wrist, making her scream in surprise at the sudden jerk.

“You’re not going with him,” Riley growled as he pulled her away from Harry. His grasp on her wrist tightened to keep her in front of him, causing her to whimper in pain. “I won’t let you run off and fuck him. You won’t be with him, I won’t fucking allow it.”

Harry had Riley’s shirt collar in his fist in a split second, shoving him against the side of the red car. Harry’s face was inches from Riley’s, his face dark and threatening. “Do. Not. Fucking. Touch. Her,” he spat into Riley’s face. “If you come back here I will have you fucking arrested and thrown in jail, do you hear me?”

Harry’s position suddenly seemed threatening to Riley, his face changing from the sneer he’d been wearing to a look of panic. “Whatever,” he tried to sound confident, but his voice faltered.

Harry shoved him against the car once more, watching with a smirk as Riley’s hand head hit the metal with a satisfying crash. He released the collar of his shirt and moved towards Rory once more, taking her hand gently in his and leading her towards the rental. He opened the passenger door and helped her into the car, leaning over her to buckle her seatbelt for her. He took a moment to look into her eyes, wiping a tear from her cheek before connecting his lips to the wet spot it had left. “I won’t let anyone hurt you, I promise,” he whispered as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and closed the door as gently as possible.  Moments later they were driving out of the parking lot, Riley’s figure just a small speck in the rear view mirror. Harry knew he would keep that promise for as long as he knew her. He would never let anyone ever hurt Rory ever again. She meant more to him than he ever thought possible and he would do absolutely anything to keep her happy and safe.    



	10. Does it Make You Feel Alive?

Rory let out a breath of relief when they finally arrived in Los Angeles. They’d spent most of the drive talking about Riley, Harry’s right hand never leaving Rory’s thigh for very long, and she needed a break from reliving everything that had happened. She needed to let loose and have fun and go on with life, if that was even possible. She just wanted to forget about Riley and all of the terrible things he had said and done.

“This is where we’re staying?” Rory’s jaw fell in shock as they pulled into the hotel parking lot and took in her surroundings. She looked out of her window towards the sky, where a sign reading “The Ritz-Carlton” alit on a tall, glass building.

Harry looked over at her with a smile on his face. “Not up to your standards, little one?”

Rory laughed. “Sometimes I forget that you’re a fancy, rich boy.”

Harry thought her laughter was the most contagious sound he’d ever heard, and he’d do anything to keep her laughing. “Let’s go check in,” he said as he got out of the car and made his way towards the trunk to grab their luggage. “Pretty sure the other lads are already here.”

Rory had forgotten about the small fact that the other members of One Direction were going to be in LA as well. She’d forgotten that part of this trip was a business trip for Harry. She was suddenly filled with a mixture of anxiety and dread at the prospect of seeing Zayn again. They hadn’t talked since the night at Harry’s, the night where they’d practically dry humped each other on his balcony. She was sure that the encounter had been solely based on the amount of alcohol and weed she’d consumed. There was no way that there would even be the chance of a repeat, but she was still worried that things would be awkward between the two of them.

“Are they staying the whole week too?” she asked as she followed Harry towards the hotel entrance

He shook his head as he wheeled their bags along. “No, I’m pretty sure they’re all leaving Wednesday morning. They want to spend as much time with their family as possible before the tour starts.”

“And you don’t?” she suddenly felt guilty for taking Harry away from his family during the last few weeks he had before he ventured off for several months.

“I’ve still got a couple weeks left once I get home,” Harry said as they entered the giant doors to the extravagant hotel. He smiled at the gasp that escaped Rory’s lungs. “Besides, my family aren’t the only people I’m going to miss.”

Rory smiled as she followed him to the front desk, standing by his side as he checked into the room he’d booked. She smiled to herself as he confirmed a single king sized bed was all they needed. Maybe it wasn’t particularly normal to fall asleep in the arms of her best friend, but it was the most comfortable place she’d been in the past couple of months and she wouldn’t have it any other way. She couldn’t stop gawking at everything she saw as they walked to the elevators and made their way up to the room. She’d never been somewhere so fancy in her entire life, and while she felt somewhat out of place she was also so excited to experience a different way of life.

“Holy fuck,” Rory breathed as Harry swiped the key card and opened the door to their hotel room. It wasn’t just a hotel room, it was breathtaking. She took a deep breath as she walked to the windows, exhaling as she took in the view. It was as if she could see all of Los Angeles from where she was standing, and it was absolutely breathtaking. “This room must cost a fortune.”

Harry shrugged as he set their luggage down and joined her at the window, his arm wrapping around her shoulder. “It doesn’t matter, love, you deserve a little getaway.”  

Harry’s phone sounded loudly from its place in his pocket, letting him know he had a new message. He couldn’t hold back the sigh of annoyance that he let out as he read the words that were across the screen.

**From: Louis**

**We’re getting drunk tonighttttt**

He didn’t want to go out and get drunk. He wanted to spend the night in the hotel room with Rory, curled up on the bed and watching ridiculously lame movies on the television. He didn’t want to share her with any of the other guys, especially Zayn, who had managed to mention Rory’s name every time they were in a room together.

“What’s up?” Rory asked as she noticed Harry hesitating on how to respond to the text message he’d received.

He shrugged. “The guys are going out tonight and want us to go with them, but...”

“Yes!” she cut him off before he could finish his sentence, before he could tell her that he just wanted to stay in and spend quality time with her. “That’s exactly what I need.”

“Alright, then we’ll get drunk and party our asses off.” If she wanted to go out and party then he’d go out and party. He’d told himself he’d do anything to make her happy, and he wasn’t about to break that promise any time soon.

**To: Louis**

**Count us in.**

*           *           *

 Harry and Rory spent the afternoon and early evening ordering room service and watching mindless television. She found herself drifting in and out of sleep as she lay in his arms in the big bed. In between moments of wakefulness and sleeping, Rory could feel Harry's fingers in her hair. She hadn't felt this content and safe in months, maybe even years. She tried to think back to the last time she was truly happy and she couldn't quite place her finger on it. Even before her mom had gotten sick, she'd been living a life of settling and mediocrity, where she was just _there_. All she wanted was to find herself again. She just wanted to find where she truly belonged and feel like she was contributing to her own life. She didn't want to settle for mediocrity anymore. She wanted grandeur and excitement. She wanted to be free from everything. 

They decided they'd all get together and pre-drink in Louis' room before heading out to the club. Rory settled on wearing a short, black dress that clung to her body in all the right places. She didn't get the chance to dress up often, and she wanted to take full advantage of the opportunity. It had been nearly forever since she'd been to a night club, probably since the night of her 21st birthday, which felt like an eternity ago. According to Harry, who was whining outside of the bathroom door, she was taking absolutely forever to get ready. But it had been a long time since she'd done winged eyeliner and full, pouty red lips. She hasn't even put on this much makeup when she'd gone to the New Year's party with Harry, but she needed to feel different. She needed a night where she just forgot about everything that has happened in her life. 

"Seriously, love, it shouldn't take anyone that long to," Harry's lecture stopped abruptly as he looked up from his phone to where Rory was standing. His jaw dropped as he watched her slip on a pair of black heels. He couldn't even figure out where to focus his gaze. Her legs were bare and on full display, her cleavage was fucking amazing, and her red lips would look perfectly amazing wrapped around his cock. "Jesus, fuck," he mumbled as he pulled at the ends of his hair in frustration. 

"You okay, curly?" Rory asked, an eyebrow raised as she stuffed her phone into a little clutch. "Louis got alcohol, right? I need to get seriously wasted tonight."

Harry picked at his lower lip as he tried to remember how to talk. She'd looked amazing on New Year’s, but tonight she was on a whole other level. Her eyes were smoky, her eye lashes long with mascara, her mouth almost irresistible. His eyes raked over the tight, black dress she was wearing and he was immediately reminded of the last time they'd gone out and she'd decided not to wear underwear. He wanted nothing more than to find out if she was wearing any tonight. 

"Harry?" Rory said his name again as she walked up to him, her hand shaking his shoulder. "What's up?"

He shook his head and tried to clear all of the dirty thoughts that were currently running wild in his mind. "Nothing, nothing," he said quickly as he gathered his wallet and cellphone in his hands. "Ready to go?"

She nodded her head and walked through the door as he held it open for her. He couldn't stop himself. He watched her walk down the hallway, her hips swaying with each step. He wanted to touch her the way he had on New Year’s Eve. He wanted her pressed against his body, grinding to the beat of the music. He could only hope that she would need a dance partner once they got to the club. He could only hope that she was as forward as she'd been that night, putting his hands where she wanted them. He'd needed a repeat of that night since the moment it had happened. He shook his head, trying to clear his mind once more. He was already semi-hard in his pants just from watching her walk and imagining the way her skin would feel under his hands. He needed to calm himself down. He needed to think about his grandmum's flannel nightgown or something. 

"Are you sure you're okay?" He hadn't noticed that he'd stopped in the middle of the hotel hallway during his attempt to cool his body down. Rory was now standing right in front of him, her hands on his shoulders, a look of concern in her eyes. 

Harry screwed his eyes shut, trying to imagine that it was anyone else standing only inches away from him. That it was Niall's hands on him instead. "Yup," his voice squeezed its way out. "Peachy."

"You don't seem peachy, you seem kind of tense," Rory observed as she ran her fingers through his hair, moving it off his forehead. Even in her heels she was still so much shorter than him. 

Harry's eyes burst open at the contact. He loved the way her fingers felt in his hair, and he needed it to stop. He moved around her quickly, leaving her confused. He looked back and offered a smile. "Let’s go get wasted, yeah?" God, he needed a drink, or 10. 

Louis was already waiting for them, holding the door to his hotel room open with one hand while he held a red cup in the other. "'Bout fucking time, ya bastards!" He was clearly already intoxicated, his voice bearing yelling volume. "Um, Rory, love, you look like sex on a stick."

Rory laughed as she greeted him with a hug. "I want a cup of whatever you're drinking, Lou."

"Coming right up, love," he responded, sending a wink in Harry's direction before retreating to the bar area. 

Rory looked around the hotel room, smiling when her eyes landed on Niall and Liam who were both standing up and giving her hugs within seconds. She couldn’t help the pang of disappointment that ran through her body when she noticed that Zayn wasn’t in the room. Maybe she’d been hoping for a bit of a distraction after all.

“Here’s the lady’s drink,” Louis announced as he handed Rory a cup matching his. “Don’t worry, your lover will be here, he’s just running a bit late. He’s going to love this look,” he whispered in her ear so that only she could hear. Apparently Rory’s disappointment had been visible on her face, and apparently Louis was psychic and knew exactly what the cause of her disappointment was. Rory looked around for a place to sit. Louis was perched on the edge of the bed, Liam and Niall were sharing the sofa, and Harry was looking quite comfortable in the armchair he was in. There was nowhere else left to sit except for the floor.

Harry eyed her with a smile on his face as he patted his knee. “Come sit here, little one. I promise my knee isn’t too boney.”

“Don’t think your knee is the bone she’s worried about, mate,” Louis joked just as Rory sat down gently on Harry’s lap, his arms instantly wrapping around her waist.

Rory laughed at Louis' comment while Harry shot him a death glare. "Shut up, you twat." But he realized that maybe Louis was right and maybe having Rory sit on his lap hadn't been the best idea ever. He was still trying to calm himself down, and having her ass right in his lap was making the task even more impossible. Every little movement she made sent all his blood rushing to his dick, and no matter how much he imagined Susan Boyle's naked body he couldn’t stop the flow. He downed the liquid that filled his cup in one gulp. Maybe if he got drunk, parts of his body would stop working. 

Rory was only half way through her drink but her head was already starting to spin. Obviously Louis had made her drink just as strong as hers had been. She kept her eyes on the door as she waited impatiently for Zayn to make his big entrance. She knew he would be exactly what she needed - a distraction, and a rather irresistible one at that. 

She was shaken from her thoughts by the sensation of warm fingers trailing the hemline of her dress, which fell fairly high on her thighs. She looked down to find Harry's ringed fingers moving across her skin. Her leg twitched at the contact, and she couldn't tell if it was because she liked it or if it was because she didn't. 

"Did you remember to wear panties this time?" Harry's lips were against her ear as he asked her the risqué question in a low growl, making sure none of the others would hear. 

Rory turned her head so that she was facing him, her mouth an “o” of shock and surprise at his bold question. She didn’t know how to respond – she didn’t know if Harry was just trying to make her laugh or if he was purposely bringing up that night and their near hookup. She took a sip from her cup, her eyes still locked on his. “Underwear lines are the worst, Harold.”

Harry wasn't quite sure if Rory was flirting back or if she was just being coy. He wanted nothing more than to explore her mouth with his tongue, but he also knew that he couldn't cross that line again unless she was the one who initiated it. The alcohol that was flowing through his bloodstream was making everything fuzzy - it was making all of the lines just a little too blurry. He wanted her, he needed her, but a part of him knew that he couldn't push it - no matter how badly he wanted to. 

Rory's eyes shot to the hotel door at the sound of someone knocking on it from the other side. She sat perfectly still on Harry's lap, her mind forgetting about the fingers that were trailing against her thigh, and watched as Louis made his way to let the guest inside. The second Zayn was walking through the door her mind went blank. While Rory was gawking at his band mate, Harry felt any chance he'd had slip away. He could feel the tension as Zayn and Rory made eye contact, Zayn's face lighting up in one of his stupid smiles, and Harry let his hands fall from Rory's skin. He was an idiot to think he could ever compete with that anyways. 

"Now, there's a face I'm rather happy to see," Zayn spoke through his smile as he made his way to where Harry and Rory were sitting. 

"I'm glad I have that effect on you, Z," Harry joked, trying to keep his mood light even though jealousy was already coursing through his veins. 

Zayn ignored Harry's comment and continued to smile at Rory. "What, I don't even get a hug? It's been ages, Aurora."

She usually hated it when people called her by her full name, but the way it rolled off of Zayn's tongue was pure magic. She peeled herself out of Harry's lap and took the few steps in Zayn's direction. 

"It hasn't been that long," Harry mumbled to himself, but loud enough for everyone else in the room to pick up.

"Hi," Rory's voice was a near whisper once she was only inches away from Zayn. She'd forgotten how incredibly beautiful he was. She'd forgotten about his enviously long eyelashes and the way his stubble added to the perfection of his face.  

Zayn pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly against his chest, his mouth falling to her ear. "Had a few dreams about you. Remind me to tell you about them," his teeth tugged at her earlobe lightly, making goosebumps form on every inch of bare skin on Rory's body. 

Her face was flushed as they pulled apart, completely oblivious to the fact that all eyes were on them. "All good dreams, I assume?"

Zayn flashed her a wicked smirk. "Mm, good, yes. Terribly naughty, but very, _very_ good."

Silence fell over the room as Rory's skin seemed to light on fire. She could feel the blush take over her entire being. She'd be lying if she denied having a few of her own dirty Zayn dreams. If they weren't standing in the middle of Louis' hotel room she'd probably be bringing their dreams to life right now. 

"Right," Louis' loud voice broke the silence as he stood up and clapped his hands together. "How 'bout while these two do their weird erotic eye contact thing, I pour a round of shots for everyone?"  

"Make mine a double," Harry demanded as he followed his friend to the bar area, making sure to keep his eyes on the floor. He didn't need to see whatever the fuck was happening between Zayn and Rory right now. Just the way they looked at each other was enough to make him want to gouge his eyes out. 

Louis couldn’t keep the grin off his face as he lined up the shot glasses and poured tequila into each one. “Y’know, Haz, green isn’t a good colour on you.”

Harry downed a shot before putting the glass down and letting Louis fill it again. He needed to get drunk. He needed to not give a shit about whatever happened between Rory and Zayn tonight. He didn’t need Rory’s undivided attention, he was Harry fucking Styles after all. “Shut up,” he mumbled as he downed another shot, refilling the glass before helping Louis carry them back to the others. “She can fuck him for all I care.”

“Mhmm,” Louis replied, rolling his eyes at his friend’s obvious lie. “We’ll see if you’re still spinning that web when they’re banging in his hotel room later.”

As Louis and Harry handed out the round of shots, Rory sat down with Zayn, who was on the floor and had his back against the bed. There was something about him that made her feel like there was a magnetic field between them, as if they were undeniably attracted to one another. The last time she’d seen Zayn things had stopped before they could even really get started, and there was a small part in her (okay, maybe it wasn’t _so_ small) that needed to know exactly how it would feel to experience the whole damn thing.

Zayn shuffled closer so that their legs were flush against one another, sending a jolt of electricity through Rory’s veins. Being close to him felt remotely similar to sticking a finger in an outlet, and it was strangely addicting. “So, Harry gave me some rather unfortunate news a couple weeks ago.”

Rory looked between Harry and Zayn, trying to figure out what Harry could possibly have told him that involved her. She thought back to the night she’d made out with Zayn on Harry’s balcony and how jealous he’d been, but they were past that now. Her and Harry had gotten any possible pull they felt towards each other out of their systems on New Year’s, hadn’t they? He couldn’t possibly still be trying to make sure she didn’t end up with Zayn somehow?

“And what was that?” she asked as she turned her attention back to Zayn, drinking in the way his eyes seemed to be scanning over her. His face was an art piece and she was most definitely sold on having it.

“He said you got back with your ex,” Zayn explained as he placed one of his hands between their bodies, running his fingertips up and down Rory’s bare leg. “Looks like we’ll have to settle on a platonic hangout, I guess,” even as he said the words he kept his fingers locked on her skin. Rory decided right then that the word _platonic_ must mean something entirely different to him.

Rory couldn’t take her eyes off where Zayn’s fingers were making contact with her skin. She needed more, but she was vaguely aware of the fact that there were 4 other people sitting in the room with them. “I ended things this morning actually.”

“Mmm, yeah? You have impeccable timing, babe. Must’ve known I was coming,” Zayn’s voice was laced with approval as he lowered his head so that his mouth was against her ear. “Is it bad that I wouldn’t give a shit if you were still with him? Don’t think I could let something as stupid as a boyfriend stop me from having you.”

Rory’s face flushed as she absorbed Zayn’s words. “Don’t flatter yourself, _babe_.”

Zayn smirked at the way she mocked his term of endearment before taking her earlobe in his mouth and sucking on it for a moment that passed too quickly. “I like when you play coy, it’s much more fun. I fuckin’ love a good chase.”

 Rory had to use all her self-control to stifle the moan that threatened to escape her lips. She needed a moment alone with him, just long enough to satisfy the need to have more of him. "Come get a refill with me?"

“Oh, could you two sex machines go get an ice refill?” Louis asked as Rory and Zayn stood up and moved towards the bar. “The machine is down the hall somewhere. It’ll probably take you like 30 minutes to find it, give or take,” he winked, eluding to the fact that he knew what they’d get up to the second they were out everyone else’s view.

Zayn grabbed the silver ice bucket off the bar counter and held the door open for Rory, his eyes trailing over her backside as she walked by him. “Are you fucking serious, Lou?” Rory heard Harry growled as the door closed behind them.

They walked down the hallway to the ice machine in silence, the only noise coming from Rory’s heels clicking against the floor.  When they reached the machine, she took the bucket out of Zayn’s hands and pulled the lever to fill it with ice. Just as she was beginning to wonder if Zayn’s forwardness had all been an act, she felt a pair of lips connect with the crook of her neck and a tongue darting out to lap at her skin.

“Louis could be my best friend right now,” Zayn mumbled as he pressed his chest against Rory’s back, his hands gripping at her hips as he kissed and sucked the sensitive skin on her neck. “Remind me to thank him later, yeah?”

Rory sighed at the contact and closed her eyes, her head falling back and resting on Zayn’s shoulder. She forgot she was still holding the lever for the ice, which was now overflowing from the bucket, until Zayn’s hand met hers and removed it. He let his hand fall to her thighs as his mouth continued its assault on her neck. His hand trailed up her bare thigh until it was pushing past the hem of her dress, lighting a fire on her skin as his fingers became increasingly close to her center. She couldn’t stop him – she wouldn’t dare stop him. She’d let him take her against the ice machine if he tried.

"Y’know,” Zayn breathed into her ear as he slid his index finger over her folds, hissing when he came in contact with skin where he was expecting fabric. “Fuck, I was just ‘bout to say that I’ve been wondering if you’re a thong or panties girl, but fucking hell, Aurora,” he sucked in a deep breath as he applied more pressure to his touch, delving between her folds to swipe across her wet center. “You’re just a fucking dirty girl all ‘round.”

Rory rocked her hips against Zayn’s hand, silently begging him to move his finger against her bud, to enter her, to do anything to her. She hadn’t realized how badly she’d wanted this to happen until this very second and now she couldn’t go without it. “Where’s your room?”

As if he could read her mind, Zayn slid his finger inside of her. “M’god, you’re so fucking wet for me,” he pushed a second finger inside, groaning at the noise that escaped Rory’s mouth. “It’s down the hall. Let’s go, you naughty girl.”

They were at Zayn’s hotel room door in no time, Rory’s back pressed against the surface with Zayn’s mouth crushing against hers. He had one hand making a fist around her hair and tugging lightly and another hand underneath her dress. Rory fished her hand into his front pockets, frantically searching for the key card to unlock the door, desperate to get inside and to satisfy her hunger. She needed him, all of him, or she thought it was possible she might spontaneously combust.

The door slammed behind them as they stumbled into the room, their mouths still connected. Zayn’s hands moved to her ass, as he picked her up and threw her onto the king-sized bed. Rory sat up, reaching for Zayn’s belt as he stood at the foot of the bed, his eyes dark and hooded with lust. He grabbed her wrists as her fingers started working the belt, pinning her arms at her sides as he knelt down in front of her.

“There’ll be time for all that later, babe,” Zayn growled before kissing her hard again, their tongues battling against one another. “This no panty thing has me wanting to taste you. Bet you taste so fucking good.”

Rory let out a gasp as he pushed her shoulders so that she was laying down on her back. He pulled at her legs, sliding her farther down the bed until her ass was lined up with the edge of the mattress. “Fucking god damn,” Zayn hissed as he shuffled the fabric of her dress so that she was fully exposed. “You’re a fucking goddess.”

He wasted no more time as he let his tongue glide over her wetness, moaning at how soaked she was. “Delicious,” he groaned as he circled his tongue against her again.

Rory was positively and absolutely done for. Zayn’s tongue was everything she’d needed and more to make her forget about Riley and all of the shit he’d said and done. As Zayn lapped at her, pushing two fingers in and out of her at the same time, she let every single worry she’d had float away. She wanted to memorize the feeling of Zayn’s scruff against her sensitive skin and the way she could feel her climax boiling inside of her. She let his name roll off her tongue, coming out as a high-pitched whine that only sent Zayn and his tongue into a frenzy.

“Cum for me, baby, let me have it,” he encouraged her as worked his magic, taking note of the way she was arching her back and screaming his name, her hands fisting the bed sheets on either side of her. He slowed his movements as he felt her release, removing his fingers but taking a few more licks before sucking on her clit lightly, just so he could hear her moan one more time.

Zayn climbed up onto the bed and laid on his side so he was facing her, taking her face in his hands and kissing her mouth. He slid his tongue in, making sure she could taste herself. “So fucking sweet,” he mumbled between kisses.

“That was fucking amazing,” Rory panted as she tried to catch her breath.

Zayn smirked as he kissed her hard again. He needed more, but he could be patient. He had all night. He could fuck her more than once if he wanted to. “I can’t wait to fuck you,” he growled as he nibbled at her ear, earning a whine from her lips. “I think maybe I’ll take you against that desk first,” he added as he motioned towards the desk on the other side of the wall. “Fuck, maybe I’ll take you in the club washroom.”

“You can have me wherever you want,” Rory was putty in his hands. She was pretty sure she’d let him do whatever he wanted to her. She was pretty sure she was willing to beg for it at this point.

They walked back to Louis’ room, ice bucket in hand, and smiles on both of their faces just minutes later. Before he raised his knuckles to knock on the door, Zayn lowered his mouth to Rory’s ear one last time, tugging at it with his teeth. “Looking forward to having your taste on my tongue all night long.”

Louis answered the door, clearly much more intoxicated then they’d left him. “That was only 26 minutes! Oh, nice red lipstick, Z, it really suits you.”

Zayn smirked as he ran his fingers over his lips, trying to wipe away the makeup that had been transported from Rory’s lips to his own. “We shared a few things,” he quipped as he moved to the bar and started making drinks for himself and Rory.

Louis took the bucket of ice from Rory’s hands, laughing hysterically when he looked down at its contents. “No offence, love, but you probably should have gotten the ice after the sex, it’s all melted!”

Rory blushed as she made her way into the room, taking her drink from Zayn’s extended hand before moving towards Harry. He was still in the same chair, his eyes glued to the cellphone he was holding in his hands. “You okay?” Rory asked as she perched herself on his armrest.

He looked up at her briefly, internally cringing at the way her hair was all over the place and the lipstick that was nearly gone from her lips. Just an hour ago he’d been picturing her pouty, red mouth wrapped around his dick and now he couldn’t erase the image of her kissing Zayn – maybe even doing worse – from his mind. “I’m s-super,” he fumbled his words. He’d taken countless shots since Rory had disappeared with his band mate and he was definitely feeling the liquor.

“You’re drunk,” Rory mused. She was hoping this would mean they’d go out to the club and goof around. They both deserved an escape from everything that had happened with Riley. They deserved to have fun.

“Mhmm,” Harry agreed, turning his attention back to his phone. “Drunk like a sailor.”

Rory laughed as she ran a hand through Harry’s curls. “You gonna be able to dance with me later?”

“I doubt Zayn will want to share you,” he tried to keep his tone light, plastering a rather fake smile on his face that didn’t fool Rory for a second. “Once he sees what you’re capable of on the dancefloor he’s gonna want you all to himself.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, trying to decipher what the edge in his tone meant. She thought back to the first time she’d met Zayn and how Harry had admitted to being jealous of her kissing him, but she knew it couldn’t be that. They had barely known each other then, and their friendship had grown so much. Whatever crush Harry might have had back then was certainly gone. “You sure you’re okay, Curly?”

He smiled again, this time so wide that his eyes closed and almost all of his teeth were visible. “Peachy. I’ll be even better once we get to the club and I find myself a pretty little bird to blow me in the toilets.”

Rory couldn’t quite name the emotion that ran through her body as the words left his mouth and her ears processed them. Of course she knew that Harry could pull any girl he wanted. He was undeniably attractive and girls seemed to flock to him wherever he went. But she’d never really pictured him to be the kind of guy to go out and hook up with random women in public washrooms. Once she’d gotten to know him she assumed that all of the articles she’d read that accused him of being a womanizer and a player were wrong. But she knew she was the last person on earth who could judge him for hooking up with strangers. She’d just let a guy she barely even knew finger her in a hotel hallway and then go down on her minutes later. She was definitely not in any position to judge Harry and his desire to get a blowjob from a stranger.

 *           *          *

 “You know this is technically illegal, right?” Rory asked as they all walked through the doors of a downtown LA club. “Louis and I are the only ones that are even legal drinking age.”

Louis rolled his eyes and put an arm around her shoulders as they walked towards the VIP section. “Love, this is just one of the many perks of being famous, stop worrying.”

“I’m not worried,” Rory argued back. She decided bantering with Louis was one of her favourite activities. “I just feel like I’m corrupting little Harry over here. He’s just a kid and we’re taking him into the dark abyss of the LA club life.”

Harry scoffed at her words. He didn’t care if she was joking or not, he was done with her treating him like a little kid. He was going to show her that he wasn’t some dumb kid who had no idea what to do with a woman. He’d fucked a woman twice his age; he’d hooked up with more girls than he could even count, so if Rory wanted to act like Harry didn’t know how to make her scream his name then he’d find someone who was willing.

“Niall, are you pulling tonight?” Harry asked as they all climbed into the VIP booth. There were bottles of liquor sitting on ice and all the mixers they could ever hope for at their beck and call. Harry picked up a bottle of vodka and filled six shot glasses, sliding them around the table until everyone had a shot in front of them.

Niall downed his shot and nodded his head. “Gonna try, that’s for damn sure. Looks like there are a lot of fit birds here.”

Harry looked around the club, licking his lips as his eyes landed on a blonde whose black dress was strikingly similar to the one that Rory was wearing. “I think I just found the girl I’m going to let blow me later.”

“Why do you think you’d be doing her the favour?” Rory was sick of listening to Harry go on and on about how he was going to let some girl give him head. It had been all he’d talked about on the car ride to the club and it was making her sick. “Wouldn’t she be the one doing you the favour considering she’d be getting you off?”

Harry smirked as he poured everyone another round of shots. If he could get her jealous enough maybe she wouldn’t leave with Zayn at the end of the night. “C’mon, little one, wouldn’t you give anything in the world to suck Harry Styles’ dick?”

Rory shook her head, disappointed in his response. He’d been acting strange ever since they’d left their hotel room to go to Louis’ and she couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on. All she knew was that she wasn’t particularly fond of this version of her best friend. “Let’s go dance, Zayn,” she grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the booth, turning back only to focus on Liam, who was the only sober one in the group. “Please don’t let him drink anymore, he’s already a being a big enough asshole as it is.”

“What’s up with Haz tonight?” Zayn asked as they made their way to the dancefloor, his hands gripping at her waist and pulling her chest against his once they were in the middle of the crowd.

Rory shrugged as she wound her arms around his neck and swayed her hips against his. “He’s fucking wasted,” the fact that she was now adding Harry on her long list of things she wanted to forget about tonight disappointed her. Tonight was supposed to be fun, it was supposed to be about them letting loose and celebrating their friendship. It was supposed to be anything other than Harry being a drunk douchebag. Rory couldn’t help but wonder if she’d screwed everything up by hooking up with Zayn the second she got the chance. She couldn’t help but wonder if like everything else in her life, if she’d screwed this up too.

“Forget about him,” Zayn whispered against her ear as he ground his hips into hers. The sensation of his hard length pressing against her through the material of their clothes was enough to make Rory forget any of the worries she’d had just seconds ago. “Can you feel how bad I fucking want you?”

“So then take me,” Rory purred into Zayn’s ear. She knew she’d achieved the reaction she’d hoped for when his dick physically throbbed in his pants at her words. As discreetly as possible she moved one of her hands between their bodies, cupping his length through his jeans. She stole a moment to look back at the VIP table, regretting the choice immediately when her eyes landed on Harry who was staring directly at her, his green eyes dark and almost cold.

“Fuck me,” Zayn moaned under her touch. “You’re so fucking naughty, I bet you’d let me fuck you right here in front of all these people.”

Rory was drunk. She was drunk, sad, angry, and lonely. She was an uneven mixture of all of these dangerous things and they were leading her off the edge. Ever since her mother’s diagnosis she’d been careful not to fall, but now she was ready to jump – even if that meant dirty talking with a practical stranger in the middle of a crowded LA club. She was ready to jump even if that meant hurting her best friend. She’d plead the fifth when the time came. She had no idea why her actions were warranting Harry’s bad mood, but she was done letting others rule the decisions she made. Riley had been bossing her around for years; her mother’s illness had kept her locked in a world of hospitals and funeral parlours. She was done. She was leaping off the edge.

“I told you I’d let you take me wherever you wanted,” Rory spoke slowly, her eyes locked onto Zayn’s for good measure.

He growled, low and deep as he pushed his hips deeper into hers. “Fuck woman, you’re bad for my health. I need to use the loo and go out for a smoke and then we’re out of here. Wait for me at the booth?”

She nodded her head, letting her head fall back as he suctioned his lips to her throat before darting towards the bathroom. As she made her way back to the booth she realized that Harry was no longer there – in fact, only Liam and Louis were left. “Where did Harry and Niall go?” she asked as she slid in beside Louis and placed her head on his shoulder. She hadn’t realized how drunk she was until now that she was sitting. Her head was spinning and she loved it.

“Niall’s dancing with some girls and uh, I’m not too sure where Harry is,” Liam responded.

Louis chuckled. “He’s in the ladies’ room with that blonde that looks just like you,” he explained to Rory. “Reckon he’s deep down her throat by now. Probably gonna call her the wrong name by accident...ow! Why’d you kick me, Liam!”

Rory looked back and forth between Liam and Louis, confusion etched on her face. “What are you talking about?”

“Nothing,” Liam said calmly, a smile plastered on his face. “Louis is just drunk off his ass and thinks he’s funny is all.”

“I don’t _think_ I’m funny,” Louis countered. “I bloody well am funny! And I know I’m right. Why else would Harry pull Rory 2.0? I can’t possibly be the only person who sees it?”

Rory’s head was spinning, both from the copious amount of alcohol she’d consumed and the confusing information Louis was feeding to her. “The only person who sees what?”

Louis rolled his eyes at her ignorance. “Nothing love, Liam’s right, I’m drunk off me ass and have no idea what I’m talking about.”

Rory was about to argue back but was interrupted by Harry and Zayn arriving back at the table at the same time. “Ready to get out of here?” Zayn asked, his attention solely on Rory.

“You guys are leaving so soon?” Harry asked as he slid back into the booth, his dimples on full display as he smiled at Rory.

In that moment, as Rory unwillingly imagined Harry’s hand wound through “Rory 2.0”’s hair as she knelt in front of him with his dick in her mouth, she felt a jolt of jealousy run down her spine. It made absolutely no sense. She wasn’t jealous that another girl touched Harry, or that it hadn’t been her on her knees for him instead. She had zero interest in being with him in any way more than what their friendship already entailed. But maybe it was the fact that he had a genuine smile on his face for the first time all night and it hadn’t been her who put it there.

“Where’s your new friend?” she couldn’t stop the question before it was out of her mouth, no matter how hard she tried. He’d been taking small digs at her all night and it was time for him to get a taste of his own medicine.

Harry shrugged, the smile never leaving his face and his eyes never leaving Rory’s. “No clue, but I gotta tell you, that was the best head I’ve ever had. She really knew what she was doing. And damn, watching her lips with that red lipstick work...”

“Okay! Okay!” Liam interrupted Harry’s much too vivid recount of his bathroom escapades, which Rory silently thanked him for. She didn’t want to hear anymore. She didn’t need to hear anymore. “We get it Harry, you got a great blowjob, congratulations. I’ll buy you a fucking cake, just shut the hell up, would you?”

“God, everyone’s so touchy tonight,” Louis said from beside Rory. He had an amused expression on his face, as if he’d enjoyed watching whatever was happening between Rory and Harry.

Zayn tugged on Rory’s hand, trying to win back her attention. “Wanna go?”

Rory stood up, taking one last look at Harry. “You can bring your knockoff back to our room, I won’t be staying there tonight,” she said with a wink as she turned around and let Zayn lead her out the club. She had absolutely no idea what had just happened between her and Harry; all she knew was that it left her with a sickening feeling in her stomach that she needed Zayn to help her forget about it.


	11. I Wanna be Drunk When I Wake up on the Right Side of the Wrong Bed

Rory woke up the next morning with a throbbing headache and a pair of tattooed arms wrapped around her rather naked body. The previous night came back to her in flashes. Sitting on Harry’s lap, Zayn fingering her by the ice machine, Zayn going down on her in his room, Harry getting a blowjob by some random girl, Harry getting a blowjob by some random girl, Harry getting a blowjob by some random girl. She sat up slowly, peeling Zayn’s arms off of her sweaty body. Why was her mind still stuck on Harry’s sexual encounter at the club? She vaguely remembered getting back to the hotel. She recalled Zayn’s lips all over her while they rode the elevator to his floor, his fingers up her dress even though there was someone else in the elevator with them. She remembered falling onto Zayn’s bed, his body crashing on top of her as she worked his belt. At one point she had Zayn’s dick in her mouth, and while she licked his shaft and sucked his tip her brain flashed her images of Harry’s dick in that blonde girl’s mouth. They’d eventually had sex, and while she could remember it feeling amazing, she could also remember that she hadn’t been able to get Harry’s face out of her mind. Her brain had her thinking of all of the dirty things he’d probably said to that girl and the way he’d probably pulled her hair and complimented her technique. She wondered if he’d given her anything in return; she wondered if he’d fingered her or if he’d sucked on her nipples like he had hers on New Year’s Eve. She wondered if he even remembered what it felt like to have parts of her skin in his mouth. She wondered if he was plagued by images of her and Zayn, or if she was the only one going crazy.

_Holy fuck_ , Rory realized, _she was fucking jealous_. Harry had hooked up with a complete stranger and she was drowning in envy as green as his stupid eyes.

“For fucks sakes,” she mumbled under her breath as she looked at the sleeping body beside her. Why couldn’t she have just had sex with Zayn that hadn’t been ruined by all her thoughts about hat curly headed fuck? Zayn was beautiful and dangerous and so fucking good at giving her what she needed. She’d been fantasizing about sleeping with Zayn for well over a month and when she’d finally gotten it she’d ruined it by being preoccupied with ridiculously inappropriate thoughts about her best friend. Getting drunk and having sex with Zayn hadn’t solved any of her problems at all – if anything, it had just made her Harry problem that much worse.

Rory jumped at the familiar sound of her phone receiving a text message. She looked around the room from her spot on the bed until she spotted her clutch halfway under the chair. She slipped on the white t-shirt Zayn had worn the night before and padded over to the chair, trying to be as quiet as possible so she wouldn’t wake him up. She pulled her phone out of the clutch and stared unlocked the screen, her eyes widening when she realized she had 5 unread texts – all from Harry.

**From: Harry** **(11:45 pm)**

**I’ll takeee you to the docttrs tmrw to get tested. Zayn has lotss of disesases.**

**From: Harry** **(11:56 pm)**

**Plese don’t have sex with him, its grosss.**

**From: Harry** **(12:03 am)**

**it wasn’t even that god of a bj. Her lipstick wasn’t the same shade as uyrs.**

**From: Harry** **(12:07 am)**

**Louis an ass and is taking my  phne awayyy. He says im toooo drnnk. I wish we’d hd sex that night. Wann kiss you gain.**

**From: Harry** **(10:09 am)**

**Please, whatever you do, don’t read the last messages I sent you. I was drunk out of my mind. Probably have alcohol poisoning. I was a mess and had no idea what I was saying. Meet me for breakfast, little one? We should talk. x**

Rory could only stare at her screen. Even with all of the spelling mistakes, she could decipher all of his messages. She didn’t know what to think or how to feel, let alone how to respond. Had he really been so drunk that he didn’t know what he was saying? Did he really not mean any of those words? He’d gone from accusing Zayn of having STIs to confessing he wanted to relive New Year’s Eve in less than half an hour. She took a deep breath and started typing her response. The longer she waited the more awkward it would become, and no matter how annoyed she’d been with him last night she didn’t want to ruin their friendship.

**To: Harry**

**I’ve got to change before we grab food. I didn’t bring a key card...let me in in 5 mins?**

Her phone sounded again almost immediately. She’d wondered if Harry had been holding his breath, waiting for her response. She wondered if he’d been scared that she wouldn’t respond at all.

**From: Harry**

**See you in 5. x**

Rory collected her shoes, dress and clutch and headed towards the door. She looked back at Zayn's sleeping body, feeling a twinge of guilt that she was leaving without saying goodbye. She tugged his shirt down as far as it would go and snuck out of the room, making sure to close the door as quietly as possible behind her. She scurried down the hall as fast as she could, scared that someone would catch her in only Zayn's white shirt. 

"Well, well, well," Rory stopped dead in her tracks at the sound of Louis' voice.

She turned around, an awkward smile on her face. She hoped the shirt was actually covering her body. "Hey, Louis. Have a good night?"

Louis smirked and arched an eyebrow. "Not nearly as good of one as you did apparently. Where ya headed?"

"Um, to get dressed, preferably before someone else catches me in the hallway half naked."

He laughed, shooing her along. "Your bestie drank himself into a hole last night. Wouldn't be surprised if he was wrapped around the toilet right now. Take it easy on him."

Rory nodded her head before turning around and continuing down the hallway. She didn't know what to expect from Harry, but she could only hope that he had sobered up and was back to his usual self. She barely even managed to knock on the door twice before Harry was swinging it open. A laugh escaped her lips when she took in his disheveled hair and glossy eyes. 

"You look worse than I feel," she giggled as she walked past him into the hotel room. 

Harry groaned, running a hand through his greasy curls. "You're one to talk, considering you're only wearing a t-shirt and look like you're about to vomit."

"Don't you dare say that word," Rory warned as she dug through her luggage for a fresh outfit. "So, what time is my doctor’s appointment?"

Harry narrowed his eyebrows, confused at her question until he remembered the text messages he'd regrettably sent while being extremely intoxicated. "You're not funny," but he was laughing along with her, incredibly grateful that they were they kind of friends that could make a joke out of an awkward situation. 

"I'm just going to take a quick shower and then we can get some grease and carbs?”

He nodded his head a smile still set on his face. “Absolutely, little one.”

As Rory washed the touch of Zayn off her body her mind floated back to the texts Harry had sent her. Had he really only hooked up with that girl because she looked somewhat like her? Did he really wish they’d slept together on New Year’s Eve? Did he want something more? She didn’t know if she even wanted the answers to any of her questions. All she really knew was that she’d been flooded with jealousy over Harry’s conquest. She’d somehow let the idea of him being touched by another girl invade her thoughts and take over her dreams. Last night should have been about her and Zayn, but instead she’d thought about Harry being touched by that girl and she felt sick to her stomach. But she had no idea what that even meant, because there was no way in hell that she wanted anything from him herself. He was her best friend, and that was it – right?

Harry didn’t know what he wanted. He wanted to tell her he meant all of his stupidly embarrassing drunk texts. He wanted to tell Rory that he’d been dreaming of her ever since the day he’d met her. He wanted to tell her that the entire time that girl had been kneeling in front of him with his dick in her mouth that he’d been picturing her instead. But he knew he couldn’t do any of those things. He knew that he had to follow her lead and act perfectly normal, as if last night and all that happened had just been some awkward and drunken mistake. He couldn’t push anything with her, not yet. For all he knew she could be wildly in love with Zayn by now, and just the thought of his band mate’s hands on Rory’s body made him sick to his stomach.

Just as Rory was brushing her damp hair a loud knocking came from the hotel door. She poked her head out of the bathroom to watch Harry drag himself to the door, revealing Louis, Niall and Liam standing on the other side.

“Breakfast time?” Niall asked, looking equally as hungover as the rest of them.

Harry sighed and looked back at Rory, silently asking her if it was okay if they all tagged along. He’d been hoping to spend at least the morning alone with her before they had to go film Ellen, but somehow his friends always seemed to ruin his plans. When she nodded her head, he turned back and glared at the three of them. “Sure.”

“Rory,” Louis turned his attention to her, a mischievous grin on his face. “Perhaps you should go knock on your lover’s door and see if he’s ready?”

She tried not to let her expression falter. She’d had a great time with Zayn, at least during the moments when she hadn’t been thinking about Harry. But she had no idea what she was supposed to say to him now. She didn’t know if he’d expected it to be a one-time thing or if he was looking for something more serious. But deep down, somewhere where logic and rational thinking still existed, she knew that Harry’s behaviour and text messages had been a direct result of her sleeping with Zayn, and she didn’t want to do anything else to hurt him.

“Uh, maybe you could?” she finally responded. “I mean...I haven’t finished brushing my hair.”

Louis’ smile only grew, a twinkle in his eye as he looked between Rory and Harry. “Sure thing, love. Want me to return his shirt while I’m at it?”

Rory’s face turned a deep shade of red at the mention of the shirt she’d stolen from Zayn. She had a feeling that Louis knew she’d snuck out on him and that she had no intentions of repeating last night. She had the sneaking suspicion that Louis was, for whatever twisted reason, thriving off the drama between her and Harry. "Uh, no, it's alright. I'll, uh, give it back to him later," Rory stumbled as she hid herself back in the bathroom, earning a laugh from Louis. 

"How're ya feeling, Harry?" Rory could hear Niall's accent through the bathroom door. 

She hid in the bathroom until she heard a new knock on the hotel room door, followed by Louis announcing his return with Zayn. She knew she couldn't hide in the bathroom forever, but she was dreading facing Zayn. She'd never had a one night stand before and she had no idea what she was doing. She didn't know if he'd be mad at her for sneaking out without saying goodbye or if he'd act like the whole thing never happened. She didn't know what the proper etiquette was for this. She'd never had sex with someone who wasn't her boyfriend. 

"Rory, love!" Louis' voice yelled from the other side of the door. "Your man looks like he's going to faint if he doesn't get some food soon. Or should I say your men?" 

Rory opened the bathroom door just in time to watch Harry send death glares in Louis' direction. "Uh, let's go," she said weakly as she dared herself to look up at Zayn, her breath hitching in her throat when she found that he was already watching her intently. 

"Hello," he said slowly. 

Rory offered a small smile. "Hey."

Louis broke out in a fit of giggles at their exchange. "Looks like we've got a bit of that awkward morning after thing going on here."

Rory could still feel Zayn's hazel eyes burning holes into her skin but she couldn't bring herself to look at him again. She was acutely aware of Harry standing beside her and she couldn't have Zayn coming in between their friendship anymore. Besides, every time she thought of Zayn now she was slapped in the face by images of Harry getting a blowjob by some random girl in a club bathroom. 

"I'm bloody well starving, can we just go eat?" Niall whined before leading the group out of the hotel room. 

Zayn held back, waiting for the others to file out of the room until it was just him, Rory and Harry. He stuffed his hands in his jean pockets and shuffled awkwardly on his feet. "Think I can talk to Rory for a second?" His question was aimed at Harry but his eyes were trained on the floor. 

Harry turned to Rory to check if it was alright with her. When she nodded her head, he took her hand in his and squeezed it once before walking out of the room and ignoring Zayn altogether. 

"You didn't say goodbye this morning," Zayn stated as he stepped closer, his hand moving towards Rory's waist. 

She took a step back, watching as his hand fell to his side and his face clouded with confusion. "I needed to shower and stuff."

"Could've showered at mine."

Rory shrugged. She desperately wanted out of the conversation. She wanted to follow Harry and the rest of the guys out of the room and escape the awkward tension that was flowing between her and Zayn. She didn’t know how she was supposed to act or what she was supposed to say. “I needed a change of clothes.”

“Look,” Zayn took a deep breath before finally spewing the words he’d been trying to say all along. “I know I was smashed last night and shit, but I remember clear as day you screaming my name and seeming fairly into it all. Did I do something wrong?”

She’d never meant to make him feel bad. She’d never meant to make him feel like she’d had a bad time or regretted anything that had happened. But she couldn’t admit her real reason for sneaking out on him, because she wasn’t even really sure if she could admit it to herself yet. “I’m sorry,” Rory finally breathed. “I know it doesn’t really seem like it, but I’ve never really done this sort of thing before you. You know? Like I’ve never just kind of randomly hooked up with someone. And I guess I woke up this morning and sort of just, freaked out a bit? I just got out of a relationship and I’m not really ready for anything.”

Zayn was shaking his head before he started to speak. “You don’t have to apologize, I get it. I just wanted to make sure that you didn’t like, regret anything I guess.”

“I don’t,” Rory answered quickly. She didn’t regret anything she’d done with Zayn, she only regretted the effect it had had on Harry. “Trust me, I don’t.”

They joined everyone else at breakfast, Rory sitting in the seat Harry had saved for her. “You alright?” he asked in her ear, quietly enough so that no one else could hear.

She nodded her head as she took a sip from the coffee he’d already ordered her. She didn’t have time to respond because a plate of steaming pancakes topped with whipped cream and strawberries, was being placed in front of her. “Did you order these?” she asked as she turned to Harry.

He smiled and shrugged as he turned his attention to his own plate of breakfast. “They’re you’re favourite, yeah?”

“You two are the fucking cutest thing ever,” Louis cooed from his seat across the table. “He doesn’t even know my breakfast order and I’m supposed to be his best friend.”

Zayn laughed. “Haz knows my breakfast order,” he bragged.

Harry rolled his eyes, taking a sip of coffee before speaking again. “No I don’t. I’m sure you’d just steal whatever’s on my plate anyways.”

Louis gasped exaggeratedly, slapping his hands against the wooden surface of the table. He watched Zayn with a smile on his face, waiting to see how he’d respond. Rory looked between Harry and Zayn, hoping that Zayn would choose to ignore Harry’s comment – hoping that the two of them would stop their unnecessary feud. They had nothing to fight over; Rory had taken herself out of the equation.

“What’s your fuckin’ problem, mate?” Zayn’s voice wasn’t angry, it was level and calm, but his eyes were dark and questioning.

Harry shrugged nonchalantly. “Nothing, _mate_.”

Louis flung an arm around Zayn’s shoulders. “I reckon it’s rather obvious, Z. Harry here is absolutely miffed over your little romp with Rory last night.”

Zayn looked from Harry to Rory with wide eyes, which only made Rory want to hide underneath the table. Everything about this morning had been awkward and she’d hoped that her conversation with Zayn would have ended it all, but of course Louis had to keep running his mouth. He just never stopped talking. “I didn’t know there was anything going on between you guys,” Zayn said as he looked directly at Rory, silently trying to call her out for the lack of information.

“There isn’t,” Harry and Rory answered simultaneously, earning themselves a roar of laughter from Louis.

“You could’ve fooled me,” Louis said through a fit of giggles. “We thought you were going to kill each other with jealousy last night, right Liam?”  

Liam groaned through a mouthful of toast. “Leave me out of it, Lou. It’s none of our business.”

Louis rolled his eyes before looking to Niall for back up. When Niall just continued to stuff scrambled eggs into his mouth he threw his hands up in the air in defeat. “Fine! But I swear to god, if you lot keep up this ridiculous love triangle I am going to strangle all three of you.”

“Oh my god, Louis, there is no fucking love triangle. I’m not interested in dating some boy bander,” Rory said through clenched teeth. Her peripheral vision missed the way Harry’s shoulders sank and the frown that took over his face as the words left her mouth. But she meant every word she’d said. She wasn’t interested in dating anyone, but if she was it wasn’t going to be someone who travelled the world nonstop for most of the year. She definitely wasn’t interested in being followed by cameras or written about in gossip magazines. She had no interest in being envied by every twelve-year-old girl on the planet. No relationship was worth the lack of privacy or the ridiculous death threats – not even one with Harry.

 

*           *          *

 

The rest of the week in Los Angeles passed by quickly. The others had flown back to London on Wednesday, leaving Harry and Rory alone. They’d spent their days sightseeing and their nights watching romantic comedies on a constant loop. Rory had fallen asleep one night to Ryan Gosling yelling at Rachel McAdams for being a pain in the ass. She’d whined and complained about Harry forcing her to watch The Notebook for the second night in a row, but she couldn’t resist watching him as he mouthed the words to every single line. While it was entertaining to tease him about his love for the Nicholas Sparks film, it was also endearing to witness his sensitive side.

Rory woke up on Friday morning feeling well rested and perfectly content. As she slowly wakened she realized that there weren’t arms around her body for the first time all week. Every morning she’d woken up beside Harry, their limbs intertwined with one another, but today his side of the bed was empty and cold. She stretched out her arms, her hand landing on something that was sitting on Harry’s pillow. Rory sat up against the headboard, taking the green floral crown in her hands, examining it closely. It was green with little pink flowers, green and white ribbons hanging down the back. Confusion only continued to further sink in when Rory noticed the little picture of Tinker Bell in the middle of the bow that sat at the back.

“What the...”

Rory didn’t get a chance to finish her statement of confusion before the hotel room door was opening and Harry was barging in with a tray of coffees and a bag of pastries. “Good morning, little one. Sleep well?”

Harry was always concerned about the quality of Rory’s sleep, always asking her if she’d slept fine the night before. What she didn’t know was that he often lay awake watching as she kicked against the sheets and turned her head back and forth, mumbling words under her breath as she fought off the terrors in her dreams. He didn’t have to wonder what her dreams were about – the word “mom” often leaving her lips in a cry.

Rory nodded her head as she held up the floral crown in her hands. “What’s this?”

Harry smiled wide, his dimples set deep in his cheeks, as he made his way towards the bed. He took the crown out of her hands and placed in gingerly on top of her head. His smile only grew wider as he stepped back to admire his work. “You’re adorable.”

She cocked her head to the side as she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. “Why am I wearing a Tinker Bell flower crown?”

Harry shrugged as he sat on the edge of his bed and took a sip from his coffee. “She’s little, you’re little. You’re like my little Tinker Bell.”

“What does that make you? Peter Pan?”

Harry laughed as he stretched across the bed, picking something up off the floor before sitting back up. “Precisely,” he said as put a green hat on the top of his head, a red feather sticking out of the side of the material.

Rory laughed as she took in the Peter Pan hat that was sitting on top of Harry’s curls. She was only more confused now, but she couldn’t deny the fact that he looked absolutely adorable. “What’s going on, Curly? Are you trying to subject me to some sort of weird ass roleplay? Are you into Disney kink?”

Harry doubled over in laughter, clutching at his stomach as he fell back on the bed and rolled around in a fit of giggles. He hadn’t really thought of how this might look without an explanation, but he was almost glad about where her imagination took her. He was oddly content knowing that Rory was still thinking about him in some sort of way that wasn’t normal for typical friends. “Aurora Rose Walters, get your head out of the gutter! We’re going to Neverland, obviously!”

“We’re going to Disneyland?” she asked with a smile on her face. She hadn’t been to Disneyland since she was twelve. Her mom used to take her every summer, but the summer after her twelfth birthday Rory had decided that Disneyland was lame and refused to continue the tradition. It was only one of the many regrets she had – it was only one of the many things she wished she could undo. She wished she could have gone on just one more trip to the happiest place on earth with her mom.

Harry nodded his head, his smile bright. “I’ve never been. I thought maybe you could show me around?” he’d remembered her story about visiting Disneyland with her mom as a child and had wanted to help recreate some of the happy memories. He wanted to turn it back into a happy place for her; all he wanted was to make her happy.

They were walking around Disneyland only a couple of hours later, the floral crown placed on top of Rory’s head and a pair of Mickey Mouse ears on Harry’s. The day was perfect. They walked around the grounds, chased each other to rides and let each other taste one another’s ice cream cones. Harry insisted on buying Rory a Tinker Bell hoodie, telling her that she looked just like the beautiful little fairy that was printed on the front.

“If you’re buying me that then you have to get a Peter Pan one,” Rory argued, her arms crossed in front of her chest. “We can wear them together and be all gross and match.”

Harry smiled as he grabbed a Peter Pan hoodie off the shelf, adding it to the other sweater that was on the counter waiting to be paid for. “I’m pretty sure they call that cute, not gross, love,” Harry pointed out. He swung an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to him as he paid for the sweaters, kissing the top of her head as he punched in his pin on the credit card machine.

“You two make a very cute couple,” the cashier said through a smile. “How long have you been together?”

Rory felt her skin increase in temperature as a blush crept over her face. She hadn’t really realized just how touchy and affectionate her and Harry were with each other, even in public. It had always been a normal part of their friendship, but she’d never expected someone to mistake her as anything more than a friend. “Oh, I haven’t quite managed to get this one to give in just yet,” Harry’s voice was breaking through her thoughts as he responded to the cashier. “We’ll send you an invite to the wedding when I finally make her mine.”

Rory didn’t hear the cashier’s response, or maybe she did but had failed to register the words. She was too busy living in her head and the way her stomach was twisting and tying itself in knots at Harry’s response. She shouldn’t be surprised by anything he said, but for some reason she was reeling.

“You look like you’re about to have some sort of stroke,” Harry observed as they walked towards the park exit, shopping bag in hand.

She wasn’t sure if she should be honest with him or just pretend like he hadn’t said anything weird at all. “I’m fine, peachy in fact,” she was mocking him and the way he always tried to convince her that he was fine, even when he wasn’t.

“Is it because of what I said? Like about not having you?” Harry was smart and observant, he always knew just what was going on, no matter how much Rory tried to hide it from him.

She shrugged as they approached the car. She didn’t know what she was feeling, let alone what to say. Did his words make her feel uncomfortable, or was she feeling guilty for not reciprocating the feelings that Harry may or may not feel towards her? Just like everything else in her life, Rory was unsure.  

“I was just joking, little one,” Harry continued once they were both in the vehicle. He put the key in the ignition and began to exit the parking lot. “I didn’t mean to make you feel, err, uncomfortable or anything.”

Rory shook her head and placed her hand on top of the one Harry had resting on the gear shift. “You didn’t. I’m sorry, I’m just kind of like, stuck in my head right now,” she explained. “Today was absolutely perfect, thank you.”

Harry intertwined their fingers, smiling as he kept his eyes on the road. “It wasn’t too much? I was worried maybe it would bring up too many memories about...”

She cut him off, squeezing his hand in hers. “It was perfect, Curly. I felt like a kid again. This place was always a happy place for mom and me. It was nice to come back and think about all the years we came here,” she took a deep breath. She hadn’t realized just how much the day had triggered memories of her mom and the grief she was still trying to work through. “I need to stop running from it all, you know? I need to stop avoiding all the things and places that remind me of her. She’d hate to see me so lost. I need to start living again.”

“I think that’s a brilliant idea,” Harry’s voice was quiet, slow. “Speaking of living life and finding yourself, I have something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.”

Rory could see how nervous he was. His adam’s apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed hard. “Oh? What’s up?”

Harry took a deep breath as they came to a red light. He stole a glance at her, taking in the way her blue eyes were watching him carefully. He didn’t want to go a single day without seeing the way they reflected the sun and made his heart flutter. “I was hoping you’d come on tour with me.”


	12. When I met you I was Treading Water

“You want me to go on tour with you?” Rory repeated his words slowly as the shock began to wear off. She hadn’t expected that question to leave his mouth, not in a million years. She’d be lying if she said she’d never wondered what it would be like to travel around the world with Harry, but she’d never once considered it would remotely be a possibility. It was a pipe dream, but now it was laying there open and ready for her to say yes.

Harry nodded his head fervently as he continued the drive back to the hotel. He wanted nothing more than to spend the next nine months with Rory by his side. He didn’t want their friendship to exist through text messages that didn’t get responded to for days and phone calls that went to voicemail because the other person was in the completely opposite time zone. He didn’t want to forget what her voice sounded like or what it felt like to wake up beside her. He wanted to take her with him, to show her the world and to give her the chance to find where she belonged within it. He wanted to make her happy.

“I’d love it if you came on tour with me. Think of how much fun we’d have.”

Rory stared out the passenger window, watching as they got closer to their destination. Could she really just pick up her life and travel the world alongside One Direction? She laughed internally, of course she could – she didn’t really even have a life to pick up. All she had was a condo that had just been transferred from her mom’s name into her own and an empty goldfish bowl that she planned on refilling with life at some point. She’d alienated anyone and everyone except for Harry, and she was dreading the fact that he was leaving to go back to the UK in just two days. She was dreading the fact that just in a matter of a couple of weeks he was going to be in a different city every day, nearly unreachable and most definitely out having the time of his life and forgetting about her.

“I don’t know,” Rory began, hesitance etched in her voice. “I can’t just blow through my inheritance. I need to get a job and start actually using my degree.”

Harry smiled as he pulled into the hotel parking lot. He turned off the ignition but didn’t let go of Rory’s hand. “Well, what would you say if I told you I’d managed to get you a job while on tour?”

Rory raised her eyebrows in both surprise and confusion. “I don’t really want to sell One Direction merch, no offense, Curly.”

Harry threw his head back in laughter. “You have like an early childhood education degree, yeah?” He knew the answer to this question already. He knew Rory loved children and that all she wanted to do was work at a preschool or a daycare. He waited for her to nod her head before continuing. “Lou, our hairstylist, is bringing her baby along on tour. She’s only a year and a half and Lou needs someone to watch her when she’s working and stuff.”

Rory’s jaw dropped in surprise. Had Harry really managed to get her her dream job? “You got me a job as a nanny?”

Harry nodded his head. His face was lit with a smile and he looked quite proud of himself. “Yup.”

“But, like, how?” she didn’t get it. This woman, Lou, had never even met her and she was just trusting Harry’s opinion enough to let her take care of her baby daughter?

Harry shrugged his shoulders. “Lou and I are really close, and I told her all about you and she thinks you’d be the perfect fit,” he didn’t like the hesitance in Rory’s eyes and took her face in between his hands. “Please say yes. Lux will adore you. And I won’t have to spend the next nine months missing you.”

Rory couldn’t deny the fact that it was an opportunity of a lifetime. Not only was she being given the chance to actually use her college degree, but she was being given the chance to use it while travelling around the world. How could she possibly say no? Her decision was a given, especially if it meant that she didn’t have to say goodbye to Harry.

“Little one?” Harry’s smile faded and was replaced with concern. “What are you thinking about?”

She let her face slowly light up with a wide smile, her eyes twinkling with happiness. “How could I possibly say no?”

Harry let out a yelp of happiness as he reached across the console to gather Rory into his arms. He held her against his chest and kissed the top of her head over and over again. He was beyond elated. He couldn’t wait to travel the world with her. He couldn’t wait to convince her to sleep in his tiny bunk on the tour bus or to watch her play with Lux. He couldn’t wait to convince her that she felt the same way for him as he did for her. He couldn’t wait to show her just how much she meant to him. All he wanted was to tour the world doing what he loved with the girl he loved. All he needed was for her to explore the endless possibilities. He needed her to open up and discover what life could be like if they were together. He needed her to stop hiding what she was really feeling. Maybe he needed a reality check more than anything else.

  
*          *          *

 

Saying goodbye to Harry wasn’t as hard as Rory had thought it would be, mostly because she knew she’d be flying to London in only a week. She spent her days getting ready for the nine-month long journey she was about to embark on. Aside from a couple of breaks between legs of the tour, she wouldn’t be spending any time in San Diego, and she needed to make sure that everything was in order. She made plans to have the property manager of the building check in on her condo while she was away, she bought clothes for every kind of weather imaginable and she packed, unpacked and repacked her suitcase more times than she could count. When she became overwhelmed with the entire idea of leaving San Diego for such a long period of time, the only thing that got her through was hearing Harry’s voice. She knew that joining the tour was the best decision she could possibly make. She needed a change; she needed an adventure.

Rory was all set to fly to London in two days. She'd finally finished packing, cramming nine months’ worth of belongings in a reasonably sized suitcase. She'd taken up precious space by folding in her mother's favourite knitted blanket, the one she'd used since the day she was diagnosed. Rory couldn't imagine not being with it for so long. It still faintly smelled like her mom and wrapping herself with it was the only way she could fall asleep at night.   
  
She stopped by her mailbox late in the afternoon. It was the day before she was to fly across the ocean to London and she wanted to make sure all of the loose ends were tied. She sifted through an assortment of junk mail until her eyes landed on a white envelope, her full name handwritten along the front of it in black ink. She flipped the envelope over to check the return address, her heart basically stopping when she saw "Mr. and Mrs. Walters" with a familiar address in Holmes Chapel. She had never thought she'd hear from them again. She never thought she would have to feel her chest hurt with anxiety at the idea of her estranged grandparents ever again. She thought she'd drop off that letter back in December and it would be over. But now she was standing in the building elevator, her hands shaking and her heart racing.   
  
She put the envelope on her kitchen island. She couldn't hold onto it any longer - it was making her feel physically ill. She tried to push it to the back of her mind as she put a load of laundry in the wash and looked over her checklist one more time for good measure. As she recounted how many pairs of underwear she packed and whether or not it would be completely insane to just buy new ones in every city the unopened envelope kept pressing on her mind. She couldn't stop thinking about it, no matter how hard she tried to preoccupy herself. She wanted to call Harry. Reading it while they were on FaceTime or at least on the phone seemed a lot less daunting. But she knew he was busy doing promotional work for the tour and she didn't want to be a burden.  
  
"For fuck sakes," Rory muttered to herself as she shut her suitcase and stormed back into the kitchen. The envelope was calling to her curious mind, basically forcing her to rip it open and stare at the lined piece of paper that she pulled out of it. The cursive writing that took up each line of the page matched the one from the front of the envelope - she was certain it belonged to Margaret.  
  
_Dearest Aurora,_  
  
_I wanted to call, but I had a feeling you wouldn't answer my calls or you'd hang up on me. I reckon you could always burn this letter or rip it up instead of reading it, but if you're anything like my Lillian then I know you'll be too curious to do that. She always did have such a curious little mind. She had to know everything about anything. It was something I both treasured and disliked._  
  
_I bet you're wondering where I got your address. Your mother had quite the plan when she wrote that letter you dropped off a couple months ago. She left your phone number and address in it, begging your grandad and I that we would reach out to you. I know you don't want to hear from us. I know you think you don't need a family now that your mum is gone. I know you think you know everything about us and why you haven't seen or heard from us in all these years. But your mum didn't want you to be alone. She didn't want you to spend the rest of your life without a family. I would love to share what she wrote in that letter with you. I would love for you to see how she viewed you, even how she viewed her relationship with grandad and me. She seemed to have found a lot of peace while she was sick, and I am so happy for that._  
  
_I don't expect for you to jump at the opportunity to try to form a relationship with us, but I would love it if you'd at least give us a chance. We're only a couple of old people who missed the chance to be grandparents to our beautiful granddaughter. I should have tried harder, I should have been less judgmental. I shouldn't have pushed your mum away. I will always live with these regrets._  
  
_I want to thank you for taking care of your mum the way you did. That should never have been your job. We should have been there to do that while you cherished the little time you had with her. You were her whole world, just as she was mine. I hope you have the chance to love someone the way she loved you._  
  
_We love you,_  
  
_Your grandparents_  
 _+44 1477 53148_

Rory sat down on one of the stools, her eyes scanning the page over and over again. She couldn’t wrap her mind around any of it. Her mother had given her grandparents’ her address and her phone number? She wished she could ask her why; she wished she could storm into her bedroom and demand an answer. But that would get her nowhere. She didn’t know if she would ever get the answers she was looking for. The phone number at the end of the letter kept jumping out at her, demanding to be seen. She knew she couldn’t call it, regardless of the fact that Margaret and Nicolas were the only two people left in this world who could possibly answer any of her questions. Why was she supposed to believe a single thing this woman wrote in her letter? Why was she supposed to trust someone she didn’t even know?

She couldn’t stop herself. Before she knew what she was doing, Rory was tucking the envelope away in her luggage, making sure it was safe and that there was no way it would get lost. She knew she’d want to read it a million times over, and she didn’t want to leave it behind to be forgotten about. She knew she’d never want to use the phone number, but that didn’t stop her from not wanting to be without it either. If she hadn’t been confused before she certainly was now.

 

*           *          *

 

Harry had insisted on picking Rory up at Heathrow Airport, no matter how hard she protested. She’d wanted to avoid any potential paparazzi. She’d wanted to avoid her picture being splashed on the cover of every British (and worldwide) gossip magazine. Harry had promised he’d wait outside in his car, that he wouldn’t do anything to draw any unnecessary attention to them – that he wouldn’t do anything that would lead to them getting photographed together. Rory’s Instagram account was still being flooded by One Direction fans who were continuing to debate over whether or not Harry was dating some nobody from the United States. He’d told her over and over again to set her account to _private_ , but that was exactly what Rory was trying to avoid. She didn’t want her friendship with Harry Styles, and the rest of One Direction, to change her or her life. She didn’t want her life to become dictated by the fact that she’d become friends with a bunch of famous people. She wanted to be normal, which was funny because she didn’t even know what normal was anymore.

Harry always kept his promises, Rory had learned as much when he’d promised her she’d have fun ice skating over the Christmas holidays and when he promised her the New Year’s party would be fun. But when Rory finally retrieved her luggage and was walking towards the exit of the airport she felt her heart stop. He was standing under the arrivals sign, a stupid hat on his head and a pair of sunglasses on his face, but she’d recognize him no matter what sort of disguise he was wearing. He had a stupid grin on his face and a sign in his hands, her name written across it in black sharpie.

“You’re supposed to be waiting outside,” Rory hissed as she stopped in front of him, ripping the sign out of his hands.

Harry’s smirk only widened, his dimples deepening in his soft skin. “Well, it’s nice to see you too, Aurora.”

She immediately felt bad for her outburst of annoyance. She only wanted to keep their friendship safe from the wraths of gossip hungry paparazzi and crazy fans, but she realized that the second the tour started she wouldn’t be able to any longer. She’d be on full display. “Sorry, Curly, long flight. I’m starving and exhausted.”

He nodded his head in understanding before wrapping his arms around her and pulling her flush against his chest. “You’re cute when you’re mad,” he whispered as he took the opportunity to hold her for a second too long and to breathe in the scent of her peony shampoo. “Let’s get you home, shall we? I’ll whip you up something to eat and you can sleep for a week straight if you’d like.”

 

*             *            *

 

“Slow down, little one, you’re going to choke to death,” Harry chided Rory as they sat beside each other at his kitchen island eating the pizza they’d ordered.

Rory shot a death glare in his direction as she took another bite from her slice of pizza. To be fair, Harry was right, she’d managed to eat two slices in the past ten minutes and had barely come up for air between bites. “Mm, I forgot to tell you,” she said in between chewing her food. “My grandparents sent me a letter in the mail.” She’d wanted to tell him about the letter the second she’d gotten it, but she knew it was something she wanted to talk about in person, especially after reading it. She was still trying to process the way she was feeling, and she knew that Harry would do anything he could to help her figure it all out.

Harry put his slice of pizza down on his plate, his eyes suddenly wide and only focused on Rory. “When?”

“I got it yesterday,” she raised a finger to signal for Harry to wait a moment as she jumped off her stool and walked towards her luggage. She sifted through it until she found the envelope tucked away where she’d left it. “I was going to call you but it was late and you were busy.”  

Harry was by her side in a moment, standing with her beside her suitcase. His hand was grabbing at hers immediately, lacing their fingers together. “I’m never too busy for you,” his words were slow and strong. He needed her to know that he’d always be there for her, no matter what time of day or how packed his schedule was. She was more important than sleep or some stupid interview. She’d always be his priority. “What does it say?”

Rory shrugged and handed him the envelope, letting him read it for himself as they sat beside each other on the sofa. His hand never left hers, and she could almost tell the parts he was reading by the amount of pressure his fingers were applying to her skin. Once he was done reading it he sat the paper down on the coffee table and turned his body to face Rory once again, his thumb drawing circles on her skin.

“How do you feel about the stuff she said?” he asked quietly.

She shrugged again. In all honesty, she had no idea how she felt. She didn’t know if she was ready to even think about the things her grandmother had written in that letter. But a part of her wanted to know everything she hadn’t had the chance to ask her mother. She wanted to know more about her mom’s childhood, about her grandparents, about her father. All her life it had just been her and her mom, but now she was alone, and maybe she didn’t have to be.

“Do you want to go see them?” Harry’s next question caught her off guard. She’d thought about possibly dialing the phone number at least half a dozen times, but she’d never thought about making the trip to Holmes Chapel again. She’d never thought about sitting down at their kitchen table, sharing a cup of tea and asking the questions she had.

Rory closed her eyes, taking a deep breath before opening them again. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I don’t know if I can.”

 “We don’t leave for five days. You have time.”

She shook her head. “It’s not that. I just don’t know if I _can_. Like I don’t think I can bring myself to knock on their door again,” she took a shaky breath. “I’ve lived basically my whole life thinking they’re these bad people who didn’t want anything to do with me, you know? I’ve spent so much time and energy hating them. I don’t know if I can bring myself to feel anything different.”

“Love,” Harry breathed as he moved his free hand to her leg. “I’ll be there with you, if that’s what you’d like. I’ll go with you and never leave your side. You don’t have to do any of this alone.”

She looked into his jade eyes, wondering to herself how she’d gotten lucky enough to have a friend like him. “You’d do that?”

Harry’s lips turned into a small smile. “When are you going to realize that I’d do absolutely anything for you?”

She didn’t know how to respond. She didn’t know if there even was a way to respond to something like that. Harry was constantly proving his loyalty to her. He was constantly showing her what extent he would go to to make her happy. She felt like she never gave him anything in return – she had nothing to give him in return. She was a mess, her life was a mess, and she had no way of showing him how much he meant to her. He was her best friend, perhaps even the best person she’d ever met, and she was just _there_. Harry had literally saved her from the side of some highway, he’d shared Christmas with her when they barely even knew each other and he’d gotten her a job, and all she’d done was take take and take some more (oh, and she’d slept with one of his best friends). He was so much better of a person than she’d ever be, and she wanted nothing more than to live up to his expectations. She wanted to be the kind of friend to him as he was to her. She wanted to be better.

“I don’t deserve you,” she whispered, her eyes trained on her lap.

He didn’t respond right away like he usually did. Harry let go of her hand and shuffled until he was kneeling on the couch, his body facing hers. He placed his hands on either side of her face, moving her so that she was looking into his eyes. He leaned forward ever so carefully, his actions so slow and delicate, almost as if he was afraid that any unpredicted movement would send her running. He didn’t stop his slow movements until his mouth was against her forehead, his wet lips lingering for what felt like forever. When he finally broke the contact, he kept his face as close to hers as possible. “You deserve the fucking world, little one.”

 

*           *          *

 

“I should have called them first.” It had only been twenty-four hours since Rory had landed in London, and now they were in Harry’s Range Rover and headed for Holmes Chapel. She knew he was right, this was something she _had_ to do. She didn’t know what she was expecting, hell, she didn’t even know what she wanted. She wasn’t expecting to gain some sort of family out of any of it, at least she didn’t think she even wanted to have anything remotely close to a family. She just wanted answers. She wanted to know all of the things about her mother that didn’t make any sense in her head. She wanted to know all of the things about herself that didn’t make any sense in her head.

Harry took one of his hands off the wheel, fumbling until he connected it with the one Rory had sitting on her thigh. “It’s okay, I promise. We’ll stop by and if they’re not home we’ll call them from my mum’s and go back when they are.”

“I can’t just intrude on them, Harry,” Rory was frantic. Her anxiety was at its peak and she felt like she was about to slip into full on panic mode at any moment. “The last time I saw them I told them their daughter was dead and that I wanted nothing to do with them. What right do I have to show up and ask them anything?”

“It’s obvious they want to share things with you. They’ll be happy to see you.”

Rory stared out the passenger window for the rest of the drive. Harry’s hand rarely left hers, and when it did he’d return it back to her hand or her thigh right away. She didn’t mind the constant contact, not even a little bit. It was almost as if Harry knew she needed the comfort, that she needed his physical touch to keep her grounded to reality. She had a tendency of getting lost in her head, and she was fairly certain that if it wasn’t for Harry she’d be in outer space by now.

By the time they pulled up in front of a familiar house, Rory’s pulse was racing and she felt like she was about to get sick to her stomach. This was different than delivering her mother’s letter. This wasn’t an errand she was running for someone else, this was all about her. She could barely move her legs as they climbed up the porch steps, and she was thankful when Harry didn’t push her to ring the doorbell right away. He just reached down and took her hand for the millionth time that day.

“S’ going to be okay, I promise.”

Rory looked up at Harry. She wished she had an ounce of the faith and optimism that seemed to run in his veins. “How can you promise a thing like that?”

Harry shrugged and squeezed her hand. “These people are where you come from. If they’re anything like you than they’re two of the most loving and loyal people on earth.”

She wanted to laugh at his words but she refrained. She didn’t understand where Harry got his image of her from. She was neither of those things. If she was loving or loyal than she never would have slept with Zayn, not after the way Harry had reacted after she’d merely kissed him. If she was loving or loyal Riley would have never said the things he’d said. If she was loving or loyal she’d have a group of friends by her side, but instead she’d pushed them all away. She didn’t deserve the pedestal Harry insisted on placing her on. She had no idea what she was, or who she was, but she was trying to figure it all out. All she could do was take a deep breath and ring the doorbell and hope that these people didn’t turn her away like she deserved.  

The wait felt like eternity. Rory was just about to turn around and retreat back to the Range Rover when she heard the door unlock from the other side and slowly open. She squeezed Harry’s hand, both terrified and nauseous as Nicolas’ face appeared behind the screen door. She could see the look of surprise that took over his expression as he registered that it was Rory standing on the other side of the door.

“Aurora?” he said her name carefully, as if he was worried that he could scare her away. He pushed the screen door open, a smile slowly growing on his face.

“Hi,” her voice was a whisper as she struggled to find the words to say. “I hope it’s okay that I just stopped by, if you’re busy I can come...”

Nicolas held up a hand to stop her panicked speech. “Come in, please. Margaret will be so happy to see you.”

Harry moved his hand to the small of her back, encouraging her to move through the doorway. Once they were standing inside he extended his hand toward Nicolas. “I’m Harry, by the way. It’s nice to meet you.”

Nicolas eyed him curiously. “You’re the boy who used to work in the bakery,” it wasn’t a question but rather more of a statement. “You’re the famous one.”

Harry laughed quietly and nodded his head. “That’s me. Baker by day and One Direction member by night.”

Nicolas laughed at Harry’s pathetic attempt at a joke as he led them through the house and into the sitting room. “Maggie is just upstairs doing some of the ironing, I’ll just go get her. Make yourselves at home.”

Rory and Harry sat down on the loveseat, his hand immediately resting on her knee. “Are you doing alright?”

She shrugged. She wasn’t even sure what the answer to his questions was. They’d only been in the house for a few minutes and she hadn’t done any of the things she’d come here to do yet. She kept her eyes trained on the staircase, trying to wait patiently for Margaret and Nicolas to return. She’d tried to rehearse what she would say to them during the drive, but everything she thought of had sounded wrong. She’d been so quick to judge them and walk out the last time she’d been in this house and she wanted to do it right this time. She _had_ to do it right this time.

“Aurora!” the sound of Margaret’s voice broke through her thoughts as the older woman made her way down the stairs, her husband following behind her. Margaret made her way towards them until she was standing right before them, hoping for her granddaughter to stand up and offer a hug. When it was obvious that Rory didn’t intend to move, Harry stood up and shook Margaret’s hand, placing a kiss on her cheek. “You must be Harry,” Margaret stated as she moved to sit on one of the armchairs. “Nicolas was just telling me that Holmes Chapel’s own celebrity was sitting in our living room.”

Harry smiled politely as he sat back down, his hand instinctively finding Rory’s. They sat in silence for what felt like eternity, Margaret watching Rory carefully and Rory seeming far too focused on her nailbeds. It wasn’t until Margaret finally realized that she’d need to break the silence first that anyone spoke.   
  
“Did you get our letter?” Margaret asked as she took a sip of the tea Nicolas had brought for everyone.

 Rory finally looked up from her nails, meeting her grandmother’s eyes and nodding her head. “Yes.”

Margaret smiled kindly, and Rory realized just then that the blue eyes she’d inherited from her mother had originated with her grandmother. “If I’m being honest,” Margaret continued. “I didn’t expect you to get on a plane and come visit. I’m not sure if I even expected a letter in response. But I’m so glad you’re here.”

Rory explained that she had to come to the UK regardless. She told them about the job Harry had gotten for her and that she’d be touring the world with One Direction for the next nine months. She stuck to safe subjects, topics that didn’t feel dangerous. She didn’t mention her mom or the letter she’d delivered back in December. She’d planned on walking through their front door and asking all of the questions that were constantly running through her mind. She wanted to know about her father. She wanted to read the letter her mother had written to her parents. She wanted to know more about where she came from. But she couldn’t bring herself to ask any of it. It wasn’t until she was sitting in her estranged grandparents’ sitting room and sipping peppermint tea that she realized she wasn’t ready. She wanted nothing more than to be ready to get all the answers she wanted and to start moving on with her life, but she just couldn’t get herself to that point.

“Aurora,” Margaret started as she put her cup of tea down on the end table. “You’re welcome here any time, I hope you know that. You’re welcome to call us, to write to us, or to just show up at our door whenever you need to. There’s so much I want to share with you, and I get the feeling you’re not ready for any of it yet, but I hope that you’ll at least open up your heart to us.”

Rory could feel a lone tear escape from her eye and roll down her cheek. She’d been sitting on the loveseat for over an hour, just making small talk with two strangers who happened to be her grandparents. The more they talked the more Rory realized that Margaret and Nicolas weren’t bad people after all. She may not know the whole story; she may not yet know just what drove her mother to push them away, but she didn’t necessarily want to focus on the past either. Yes, she wanted to know everything, but she also wanted to build her own life. She thought back to the letter her grandmother had sent her and the fact that she’d said Lillian had begged them to reach out to Rory, and she knew that this was what her mother would have wanted. She would have wanted Rory to at least try to open up her mind and heart to the idea that she could still have a family. She would have wanted Rory to have people around her who loved her and cared for her, and there was no doubt in her mind that Nicolas and Margaret were those people.

“You’re right, I’m not ready to know any of it right now, but I will be one day,” Rory finally responded. “And I’m so sorry that I walked out of here the last time without trying to understand better. I shouldn’t have just pushed you guys away like that. I’d like to get to know you better.”

Margaret was full on sobbing and Nicolas was dabbing at his eyes with his napkin at Rory’s words. “Of course, my dear,” he said as he put a hand on his wife’s shoulder. “We’re family and we love you. We’d love for nothing more than to make up for lost time with you.”

 

*           *           *

 

Later that night, after Rory and Harry had dinner with Anne and Robin, they lay in his childhood bed together. Rory’s head was resting on his chest and Harry had his arms around her, holding her close. “I could never have done that without you,” she whispered, referencing the visit they’d made to Margaret and Nicolas’ earlier in the day. “Thank you.”

Harry smoothed a hand over her hair, running his fingers gently through the knots. “You should be proud of yourself, little one. I know I am.”

Rory lifted herself up on her elbow so that she could look at him. “I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t hit that deer and met you. I don’t think I would have made it through the last couple of months.”

He smiled softly, running his fingers through her hair one last time until his hand was cupping her cheek instead. “You’ve made my life so much brighter, Aurora Delilah Rose,” his use of her full name sent shivers down her spine that she couldn’t explain. “If anyone’s the lucky one, it’s me. You don’t even know how much better you’ve made my life.”

Rory was certain that he was going to kiss her just then, as his hand slowly pulled her face down towards his. She was certain that their lips were going to connect and that her heart was going to explode with a million emotions. But when his lips connected with her forehead instead of her mouth the only emotion that seemed to course through her was relief. There was no doubt in her mind that she wanted to kiss him, but she was so conflicted over the way she felt every time she looked at him. Harry was her best friend, and if she had any hope of making it through this crazy life that’s where she needed him to stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to hear what you guys are thinking or would like to see happen xx
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	13. Baby, You Light Up My World Like Nobody Else

“I’m so fucking nervous,” Harry groaned as he buried his face into Rory’s lap. 

It was the morning of the first show of the Take Me Home tour, and Harry and Rory were still in Harry’s London bed. He was laying with his head in her lap as she sat with her back against the headboard. Her job didn’t technically start until after the first two nights, when they finally got on the tour bus and drove off to the next city. Tonight she got to stand back stage and watch One Direction perform for the first time ever. 

“You’re going to be amazing,” Rory said honestly. She had all the confidence in the world in him. 

He turned his head so that he was looking up at her. “What if you don’t like it?”

Rory’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “You’re nervous because I’ll be there?”

He nodded his head sheepishly, almost embarrassed to admit it. But the truth was that his stomach was in knots just thinking about having Rory backstage while he performed. What if his voice cracked or he forgot the lyrics? What if he fell on stage and she saw? The possibilities for embarrassment were endless. 

“Harry,” Rory breathed his name as she reached down and ran her fingers through his hair. “I can’t wait to watch you on stage, but if it’s psyching you out then I can stay in the dressing room or something.”

He shook his head fervently. “No, I want you there, I just, I always get crazy nervous when I know my friends or family are watching.”

She smiled softly as she continued to comb her fingers through his curls. “Don’t worry about impressing us,” she said, referencing the fact that Anne, Robin and Gemma would also be at the show. “We already love you.”

Harry’s smile widened, as he reached up and stroked her cheek gently. He couldn’t help but wonder if people who witnessed their interactions found his and Rory’s friendship strange. He’d always been a rather touchy person, but he couldn’t deny the fact that he tended to be a bit more physical than usual when it came to Rory. He didn’t try to hide the way he felt about her, but it seemed as though no matter how much he wore his heart on his sleeve she seemed either completely oblivious or indifferent. He just couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that she reciprocated his handsy tendencies. She was always cuddling up to him, holding his hand or touching his hair. He tried hard not to read too much into her actions, but sometimes he felt a jolt of hope run through him – sometimes he thought he might actually have a shot.

 

*           *          *

If someone had given Rory a ticket to a One Direction concert six months ago she would have laughed in their face and given it back. But here she was, standing backstage while One Direction kicked off their first worldwide tour at the O2 arena in London, and she was having the time of her life. Watching Harry on stage was intoxicating; his energy and stage presence made her feel like she was experiencing it right alongside him. All of the boys had such amazing talent that she couldn’t deny, and as much as she tried not to, she actually found herself loving their music. It was a long way off from her usual playlists that consisted of Sound Garden, Brand New and whatever other depressing stuff she could find, but she loved in nonetheless. She found herself singing along to all of the songs, showing off the fact that she’d listened to their albums repeatedly while packing for the tour. She figured if she was going to be joining One Direction on tour she may as well pretend like she knew their music.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were in love with my brother by the way you’re watching him,” Gemma’s voice broke through Rory’s trance as she playfully nudged her shoulder.

Rory looked away from the band’s performance of _Little Things_ and stared at Gemma blankly, trying to figure out if she’d even heard her correctly. “I, uh, what?”

Gemma laughed as she nudged Rory’s shoulder again. “You’re looking at him as if he’s the only one on that stage.”

Rory shrugged as she turned her attention back to the concert. “He’s my best friend.”

“He dumped Taylor for you, you know that right?”

Rory turned to Gemma once again, this time her jaw open and her eyebrows pulled up in confusion. “What? He broke up with Taylor because she’s a fucking psychopath.”

It was Gemma’s turn to shrug. “Whatever you say, babe. All I know is my brother never shuts up about you. I’ve known him all my life and I know when he’s falling for someone. And he’s definitely falling for you.”

Rory couldn’t respond. She didn’t know how to respond. Harry’s crush wasn’t a secret to her, but the two of them had an unspoken rule to not ever actually talk about his feelings. The closest they’d ever gotten to having a conversation about him liking her was the time he’d admitting to being jealous and the drunken texts he’d sent her the night she’d slept with Zayn. Any actual mention of the way he may or may not feel would just ruin their friendship, and that was the last thing she wanted – that was the last thing either of them wanted.

“Look,” Gemma sighed, sensing Rory’s fear and apprehension. “Maybe I’m way off, yeah? You guys are obviously super close and you’re really important to him. I just have to say one last thing though. If by some chance the two of you do get together, you have my stamp of approval,” she finished with a wink before walking turning her full attention back to the concert.

 

*           *            *

 

“That was amazing!” Rory exclaimed as Harry and the others ran backstage after performing _What Makes You Beautiful_.

Harry didn’t even notice all of the other people who were trying to congratulate him, he was only focused on Rory. He walked right passed Anne, Gemma and Robin and only stopped when he was inches from Rory and his hands were on either side of her face. He couldn’t wipe the smile off his face or shake the high that the concert and crowd had given him. He didn’t say a word as he leaned forward and crushed his lips against hers.

Rory was taken aback, shocked by the way Harry’s mouth was moving against hers and the way his hands were gripping her face. It was a few seconds before she let her eyes flutter closed and her lips kiss him back. She forgot about all of the people who were surrounding them. She forgot about the fact that Harry was _just_ her friend and that she wanted nothing more from him. All she knew was that his lips were insanely soft and that she’d missed the way his tongue felt as it slid across her bottom lip. She was just about to open her mouth to give him better access when Louis’ voice broke through her thoughts.

“I hate to interrupt this darling moment,” he laughed as he patted Harry’s shoulder, trying to break them apart. “But the fans are going to spontaneously combust if we don’t get out there and do an encore.”

Harry pulled away from Rory, planting a final kiss on the tip of her nose. “You light up my world like nobody else,” he whispered the words, a goofy grin plastered on his face and his dimples set deep in his face. He didn’t say anything else as he followed the rest of the band back on stage for their encore performance, the arena breaking out in cheers at their appearance.

“I’m not usually one to rub it in when I’m right,” Gemma suddenly appeared at Rory’s side, smiling at the look of shock that was still written across her face. “But I told you so.”

Rory couldn’t keep her thoughts straight. She could still feel Harry’s lips on hers, she could still feel his tongue begging for entrance. She looked to Gemma, remembering she wasn’t alone, remembering that Harry’s family and countless others had just witnessed their kiss. Her face turned bright red as she caught Anne smiling at her. “We’re just friends,” she whispered.

Gemma laughed. “Whatever you say. I don’t kiss my friends like that though.”

 

*            *            *

 

It was after one in the morning by the time Harry and Rory walked through the door of his flat that night. They’d all gone out to celebrate the first concert of the tour and they’d dropped Gemma, Anne and Robin off at their hotel before going back to Harry’s. They hadn’t had a single moment alone all night, and Rory wasn’t sure if she was grateful or not for that. She didn’t want to talk about the kiss. She didn’t want Harry to try to do it again, but she didn’t want him to try to apologize for it either. She couldn’t admit the truth – she couldn’t admit how much she’d enjoyed it. She couldn’t admit that she could still feel and taste Harry on her mouth. She couldn’t admit it to herself, and she sure as hell could never admit it out loud.

“I’m beat,” Rory stated as she made her way to the guestroom. She’d slept in Harry’s bed since the day she’d arrived, but it felt awkward now. “I’m going to head to bed.”

Harry looked at her curiously as she stopped outside the guestroom door. “All of your stuff is in my room.”

“I’ll just grab a t-shirt from my bag and get out of your way,” Rory said as she moved into his room and started sifting through her luggage.

He followed her, sitting on his bed and watching her as she searched for something to wear to bed. “Rory, what’s going on?”

She didn’t look up from her bag. She’d unpacked and repacked so many times that she couldn’t even remember where she’d put everything. “Nothing, I’m just tired and need some sleep.”

“So sleep here then, like you have for the past few nights.”

She didn’t say anything as she finally found the shirt she’d been looking for. She met Harry’s eyes and sighed as she made her way to the door. She’d wanted to act like the kiss had never happened, but she was afraid that Gemma was right. She was afraid that Harry had feelings for her and that she was leading him on.

“Is this because I kissed you?” she froze at Harry’s words, turning back to face him as he watched her from his spot on the bed. “I didn’t mean anything by it. I was just excited and got caught up in everything. I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable.” But she couldn’t have been uncomfortable. She’d kissed him back as if it had been exactly what she’d wanted, but he wouldn’t call her out on it – he’d wait for the day when she finally realized it for herself.

Rory didn’t know what to say. Was he trying to tell her that it meant nothing? Was she okay with that? “That’s all it was?”

Harry nodded his head, trying not to hesitate – trying not to give himself away. “That’s all it was. I swear, I didn’t mean anything by it. Just sleep here, please? I promise I won’t do anything.”

Rory couldn’t help but give in. She went to the bathroom to change, standing in front of the mirror and staring at her reflection. She couldn’t get her mind straight. She couldn’t decide if his words had hurt her or if they’d been a relief. She didn’t know what it was about Harry or their friendship, but whatever it was it was making it hard for her to think straight. Her mind was constantly running in circles, her thoughts chasing after one another as she tried to decipher exactly what she was thinking and how she was feeling. The only thing she knew for certain was that Harry Styles was her best friend and his lips were fucking magical.

 

*           *           *

 

Rory was sitting in the back of the One Direction tour bus, watching the boys play each other in FIFA while they drove from London to Glasgow. While she loved being able to hang out with them, she was looking forward to her job actually starting. The first show in Glasgow was the following day and Rory would be looking after Lux most of the day until after the concert. She couldn’t wait to feel useful and not like just some groupie that was following the band on their tour.

“Do you wanna have a go, Rory?” Niall asked from his spot on the couch, a controller extended in his hand.

Rory shook her head. She was sitting on the floor with her back against the sofa, in between Harry’s long legs. “A. I hate soccer. B. I’m awful at video games.”

Louis scoffed from his spot beside her, punching her lightly in her shoulder. “A. It’s called _football_ , you ignorant American. B. You can’t be as bad as Liam.”

She continued to shake her head as she leaned back and tilted her head so she could look up at Harry. She giggled as he stuck his tongue out at her. “What’s up, little one?”

“Come nap with me?” it was early in the morning and she couldn’t help but be exhausted. She’d barely gotten any sleep the night Harry had kissed her, and Louis had convinced them all to go out clubbing after the concert the following night.

Harry couldn’t fight the smile that was quickly spreading across his face. She wanted him to nap with her on a tiny tour bus bunk – that had to be a good sign, right? “Of course, love.”

Louis rolled his eyes as he took the game controller from Niall. “You two are pathetic.”

Harry shot him a death glare as he moved off the couch and followed Rory towards the bunks. He didn’t give a shit what Louis or anyone else thought. He didn’t care that Louis loved to spend his time making fun of Harry and his feelings for Rory. All he cared about was that his goddess of a best friend wanted to lay in a tiny bunk with him. It was so small that he’d have no option but to wrap his arms around her and hold her body pressed against his. He was almost becoming hard just at very thought of it.

He didn’t even have to try to convince her to lay as close to him as possible. He was barely even settled into the mattress before Rory was climbing in after him and pressing her back into his chest. He had to stifle his groan. The only thing separating their bodies was her thin pair of yoga paints that had been driving him crazy all day long and his grey joggers. He could feel the curve of his body as it fit perfectly against his own frame, and as his arm snaked around her until his hand rested against her belly he could only want more. This would be so much easier if she wasn’t the hottest girl he’d ever seen. This would all be so much easier if his body wasn’t constantly craving hers.

Rory woke up an hour later, her body tangled up in the duvet and Harry’s limbs. She felt like her temperature was running at least 100 degrees, especially since there wasn’t even a millimeter of space between her body and Harry’s. She shuffled slightly, trying to create some space, but was stopped in her tracks when she felt Harry’s length twitch against her ass. She sucked in a breath of air at the realization of just how hard he was. She wasn’t sure if she was more shocked by his erection or by the way her skin tingled at the mere thought of it. She moved her bum again, grinding it into Harry’s crotch gently so that she could feel him twitch again. She repeated her movements a couple of times before turning over to face him, her face immediately turning twenty different shades of red when she saw that Harry was staring at her with wide eyes, his lips parted slightly as he panted.

Harry dug his fingers into Rory’s hip as he stared into her blue eyes. He used all of his self-control to refrain from kissing her. All he wanted was to kiss her until she was breathless and grind his hips into hers. He wanted her to know just how good he could make her feel. Instead, he blinked a few times and smirked slightly. “Having fun over there?”

Rory bounced back quickly. “You know, I can help you out with that if you’d like.” She didn’t know what she was even doing at this point. All she knew was that her heart was racing and she felt more alive than she had in months. She wanted Harry. She _needed_ Harry, even if she couldn’t quite work out what that meant in her head.

Harry’s fingers wrapped around her wrist, stopping Rory’s hand as she tried to push past the elastic band of his joggers. “It’s nothing I can’t handle.”

Rory’s eyes flicked up to his. She tried to read the expression on his face, she tried to decode the shade of green of his irises and just what was running through his mind. “Oh, yeah, uh, okay.” She pulled her hand back and climbed out of the bunk quickly, her foot getting caught in the blankets and causing her to fall on the floor of the bus.

She didn’t even have a chance to get back to her feet before Louis’ head was poking in from the back of the bus. “What the fuck is all the raucous for?” he laughed when he took in Rory’s body sitting on the floor, her foot still very much wrapped in the duvet. “You took the whole concept of rolling around in the sheets quite literally, yeah? Looks like you’ve got a wild one on your hands, Haz.”

Harry leaned over to pick up a shoe from the floor beside his bunk, throwing it down the short hallway at Louis’ head, sending Louis running back to his video game with a screech. Harry turned his attention back to Rory, who was now standing awkwardly and avoiding Harry’s direction altogether. “You alright, love?”

She nodded her head, still refusing to meet his eyes. “Yup, all good. Think I’m gonna go take Niall up on his offer and try out that game,” she said as she turned on her heel and left Harry lying in the bunk alone.

It was official. He was the world’s biggest moron. He’d spent the last few months dreaming and fantasizing about being with Rory, and when she’d basically offered herself up to him he’d rejected her like the asshole he really was. There was no way he’d get another chance now, especially since this marked the second time he’d stopped things before anything really happened. He didn’t know what was wrong with him. He wanted her more than he’d ever wanted anyone before, and yet he had just stopped her from touching him – he’d stopped her from giving him exactly what he wanted. He could have had her perfect lips wrapped around his cock but he’d over thought everything and ruined the moment. He had let his feelings for their friendship and the fear he had for ruining it with sex take over, and he wasn’t sure if he regretted it or not.

 

*           *           *

 

“Okay, here are all of your room keys,” Paul, the tour manager, said as he passed hotel room card keys out to the boys. “Rory, Harry told me you guys would be sharing a room. Should I kick his ass and get you your own room?”

Rory looked to Harry to check his reactions. It was only a few hours after their awkward encounter on the tour bus, and they had barely said two words to each other for the rest of the drive to Glasgow. He was staring at the ground, kicking his shoe against the pavement and not paying any attention to the conversation that was taking place. “No no, I’m good to share a room with him.” It was going to be one awkward night, but she needed to deal with it sooner rather than later.

“She’ll be less likely to fall out of bed if they’re romping in a king sized one anyways, it’ll be better for her health,” Louis chirped in as he patted Rory on the back and made his way into the hotel building.

Harry rolled his eyes as he took the key card from Paul and followed everyone else inside. He was glad she’d agreed to share a room with him. He wanted to be alone with her. He needed the chance to explain what had happened earlier. He wanted a chance to make up for the look of embarrassment she had on her face when he’d stopped her hand from entering his pants. There was obviously something happening between them, something that they couldn’t keep ignoring, and it was time for them to talk about it. If only he wasn’t a coward.

Rory stood awkwardly in the room. It wasn’t nearly as big as the room Harry had gotten for them in Los Angeles, but it was still nicer than anywhere she’d ever stayed without him. She watched as Harry took a few items of clothing from his suitcase and hung them in the closet before mumbling that he was going to take a shower. She sat on the bed as he locked himself in the bathroom. She was beyond embarrassed. She wasn’t sure if she’d ever be able to look him in the eye again. She didn’t understand how she’d read the signals so wrong. She’d been so sure that Harry had wanted her. She’d been so certain that he wouldn’t even think twice about her advance, and yet she’d ended up literally on the floor, rejected. A part of her wanted to get a taxi to the nearest airport and run back to San Diego where she’d never have to face him again, but another part of her knew that their friendship meant more than some stupid little miscommunication. They could overcome this, hopefully.

Harry emerged from the bathroom several minutes later, his hair sopping wet and a fresh pair of jogging pants on his legs. His chest was bare and Rory used all of her will power to look anywhere except his bare skin and the path of hair that trailed from his bellybutton downwards. She needed to think of anything else other than what existed underneath Harry Styles’ stupid pants.

Harry sat down beside her on the bed, his back against the headboard. There was so much he wanted to say, but he had no idea how to put any of it into words. He watched as his hand had an apparent life of its own, reaching out to land on top of Rory’s thigh. It was as if his body was constantly being pulled towards her; it was as if they were magnets that couldn’t fight the pull. He needed to be touching her, he needed to be feeling her skin underneath his. It was basically an addiction.

She looked at his hand and the way it spanned the width of her thigh. She tried to stop the racing of her heart and the butterflies swarming in her stomach. Being touched by her best friend wasn’t supposed to make her feel this way. She took a deep breath and looked up to meet his eyes. It was now or never. “I guess cuddling is off the table, huh?”

The corner of Harry’s mouth curled up in a smile. He shook his head slightly, pushing his curls back with his free hand. “Not a chance,” he said through a chuckle.

"You sure you can handle it? I mean, I left you in quite the state this afternoon,” she stated, trying to broach the conversation with humour.

Harry laughed again. “I can’t believe I even said no to your offer,” he really was impressed with his level of self-control. “I mean, I know why I did it, but I’m also a male and it’s nearly impossible for me to say no to a beautiful girl.”

Rory’s face was deep red again. She knew they had to talk about it, but she couldn’t help but still feel embarrassed. She’d basically thrown herself at him and he’d turned her down. She wasn’t quite sure if she could ever get back from that. “You didn’t seem to have too hard of a time saying no.”

Harry scoffed and rolled his eyes, his hand never leaving her thigh. “Please. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve imaged that exact moment? All I wanted was to let you do whatever the hell you were going to do to me. But, I don’t know, I, uh,” he started to stumble on his words. “Trust me, I think you’re the fittest girl I’ve ever met. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t like, wanked off while thinking of you, but our friendship is really important to me, little one.”

Rory’s mind was reeling as she tried to stop images of Harry touching himself while thinking of her from running through her head. How was she supposed to stop thinking about him like that if she knew he’d done such things? “Me too, Curly. I mean, obviously we’ve got this sort of attraction between the two of us but I don’t want to risk our friendship because of it. We’d make a terrible couple anyways,” she added with a small laugh.

Harry laughed along with her. “Oh, the absolute worst. I mean, the sex would probably be fucking brilliant though.”

“But you’d never have time for me, and we’d break up and then I’d lose the one person I actually trust in this world,” Rory hypothesized. “I don’t think any amount of hot sex is worth that, really.”

Harry begged to differ, but he knew he couldn’t tell her that. He knew he had to stay in his lane and focus on being the best friend he could be to her. He needed to stop finding himself in situations where he was kissing her, touching her or even thinking about being with her. He needed to be a normal 19-year-old and start wanking off to Emma Watson or something instead of thoughts of his best friend. He needed to get laid, obviously.

 

*            *          *

 

“Hey baby girl,” Lou cooed as she walked onto tour bus and picked up Lux from the spot where her and Rory had been playing with a ball. “Mama missed you.”

It was the following day, early in the evening, and Lou had just gotten back to the tour bus after getting the band’s hair ready for the upcoming concert. It was only an hour until show time and she’d made the boys promise to not mess up their hair so that she could spend time with Lux and actually put her daughter to bed herself. “I’m all done for the day, love, if you want to go hang out with the lads and watch the show.”

“You trust Harry and Louis enough to not screw up their hair in the next hour?” Rory asked jokingly as she pulled a hoodie over her head and made her way towards the bus door.

Lou groaned as she sat down with Lux in her lap. “I don’t even care at this point. I could do their hair a minute before the show and the two of them would still fuck it up before going on stage somehow.”

Rory laughed as she waved goodbye to Lux and made her way towards the arena entrance. She walked through the backstage area, searching for wherever the guys would be getting ready. She stopped when she found a door with the words _One Direction_ posted on the door. She didn’t bother knocking before she turned the doorknob and entered the room. The door was barely even closed behind her when she realized the room was empty, not a single member of the boy band in sight. She sat down on one of the black leather couches and took her phone out of her sweater pocket. She was just beginning to type a message to Harry to figure out where he was when someone walked out of the bathroom, causing Rory to look up from her phone screen.

“Oh, hey,” Zayn’s voice broke through the silence when he noticed her sitting in the otherwise empty room.

Rory’s eyes scanned over his body, which was only clad in a pair of black Calvin Klein boxer briefs. Memories of the night they’d had sex flashed through her brain, and she could only hope that her face wasn’t as red as she thought it was. “Hi,” her voice was quiet as she tried to peel her eyes off his body. Why did he have to be so goddamn perfect? “Where’s everyone else?”

Zayn shrugged as he made his way towards her, sitting beside her on the sofa, not even slightly concerned about the fact that he was almost naked. “They’re off doing something stupid I’m sure.”

Rory laughed as she sat back on the couch, letting herself get comfortable regardless of the fact that a very scantily clothed Zayn was sitting just inches away from her. “You’re not cold?”

Zayn peered over at her as he picked up a package of cigarettes from the table and lit one. He took a drag off the white stick before speaking. “It’s rather hot in here, innit?”

He was right, it was rather warm, which was funny because up until five minutes ago she’d been freezing. But having Zayn sitting beside her in a pair of tight underwear was nearly enough to make her temperature rise a million degrees. Rory knew she was sexually frustrated, and it wasn’t fair that life was just placing this fucking god in her lap at a time like this. How was she supposed to contain herself? “Yeah, it’s definitely hot in here,” she agreed, almost feeling like her head was going to explode if she didn’t either get out of the room or out of her clothes. She was in a dangerous situation and she wasn’t quite sure if she wanted to get out of it either.

Zayn reached out and pinched the material of her hoodie in between his fingers. “You should probably lose a layer before you overheat.”

Rory knew what he was doing, and she couldn’t even be mad at him for it because she was making it so easy. She remained silent as she pulled her sweater over her head to reveal the tank top she’d been wearing underneath. She’d completely forgotten about the fact that she wasn’t wearing a bra and she felt her stomach tingle as Zayn’s eyes ravished over her chest.

“Y’know, I told myself that I wasn’t going to try anything with you again,” Zayn’s voice was deep, slow and his eyes were hooded with lust as he stared at her perky nipples underneath the thin fabric of her top. “But, fucking hell.”

It happened almost instantly. Rory was straddling Zayn’s thighs in a matter of seconds, her lips on his neck and his hands gripping her ass. She grinded her hips into his, eliciting a moan from his throat that was enough to soak her panties. She knew she shouldn’t be doing this. There were a million red flags waving in her mind, a million sirens blaring for her to stop, but she needed a release. She needed her mind to go blank with ecstasy. She needed something.

Zayn’s hands were everywhere all at once. He was squeezing a breast one minute and pulling her hair the next. He kissed her jawline, making her way down her neck until he was pushing the straps of her top down her shoulders until her breasts were free from the fabric. His mouth immediately suctioned around one of her nipples, and as he flicked his tongue across it Rory’s grinded her hips even further into his.

“Wait, we can’t do this,” Zayn was breathless as he pulled his mouth away from her body. Rory’s eyes snapped open at his words, but as she sighed and tried to move off his lap, Zayn’s hands gripped her waist and held her still. “No, no, fuck I didn’t mean it like that,” he breathed as he sucked on the spot behind her ear. “I want to fuck you so fucking bad right now, but I don’t have a condom.”

Rory grinned at him before wiggling out of his grip and sliding off his body until she was kneeling on the floor in front of him. “Let me take care of you,” she demanded. Her eyes were locked on his as she hooked two finger into his briefs. Zayn lifted his bum off the couch to help her pull them off him.

“Fucking hell,” he breathed as Rory licked the length of his shaft. He tried to keep his eyes locked on hers, the way she was staring up at him was the hottest thing he’d ever seen, but as her mouth closed around his dick and she sunk it to the back of her throat he let them flutter close and his head fall back against the sofa.

Rory popped him out of her mouth long enough to get win his attention back. “You taste so good, baby.”

Zayn moaned loudly as he grabbed a fistful of her hair, guiding her mouth back to his dick and forcing her to take every last inch of him. The room was silent except for Zayn’s panting and moans as Rory picked up the pace with her mouth. Just the day before she’d been hoping to have Harry in this very position, and yet she was here with Zayn instead. If she hadn’t been a slut before, she definitely felt like one now. But no amount of self-hatred could stop her from wanting his come to fill her mouth.

It was all over in a matter of minutes, with Zayn riding out his orgasm by spewing a string of compliments and praises in Rory’s direction. “That was fucking incredible,” he panted as he pulled his underwear back up and kissed Rory hard on the mouth. “Possibly the best way to get ready for a show ever.”

Rory laughed as she sat back on the couch. “Glad I could be of service.”

Zayn’s hand traveled up her thigh until it was gliding over her center, the only thing in between his fingers and her heat being the fabric of her leggings. “Let me return the favour? I’d fucking love to taste you again.”

Rory nodded her head, granting Zayn permission to slide his hand past the waistband of her yoga pants and thong in one go. He slid two fingers in between her folds, moaning at how wet she already was. He was cursing himself internally for not being a normal guy who had condoms on him at all times. He wanted nothing more than to be inside her again, but he’d definitely still make her scream his name anyways. Just as Zayn went to push a finger inside of her, the door to the dressing room opened, causing him to pull his hand out of her pants as quickly as possible. But as Rory gawked at the two boys who were now standing in the room, she could tell they hadn’t missed what had been going on at all.

“Ah, they’re back at it again I see,” Louis commented as he looked between Rory and Zayn. “Z, mate, did you lose your clothes? Or did this little nympho take them from you?”

Rory rolled her eyes at Louis’ words. “I’ll have you know he walked in here in just his underwear. I played no part in his nudity.”

Zayn couldn’t help but chuckle at her blatant lie. Only five minutes ago he’d been down her throat. “It’s true, I was running hot before she even got here.”

Louis laughed as he walked further into the room, turning back to look at Harry who was still standing by the door, his hands stuffed in his pockets and is mouth set in a hard line. “And how ‘bout you Rory? You look like you’re proper cold really.”

Rory’s mouth fell open at his words as she looked down and noticed that her nipples were still quite obvious. She rolled her eyes and reached for her sweater, pulling it over her head and covering herself. She didn’t even get the chance to respond to Louis because all of a sudden the door to the dressing room was slamming shut and Harry was nowhere to be seen.

“Fuck,” Rory breathed as she got up to run after Harry. How could she be doing this to him... _again_?

Louis sent her a tsk as she passed by him on her way to the door. “At least you’re better at playing Harry than you are at playing FIFA.”

Louis’ words played over and over in her head as she ran down the hallway after Harry. He was right, of course he had been. But Harry had been the one to stop her, and not just once – twice he had stopped her from being with him, from touching him. Who was he to storm off and overreact at what he may or may not think happened between her and Zayn?

“Harry! Stop!” she called after him. He’d made it to the end of the hallway and stopped as her voice echoed against the concrete walls. He leaned against the cold surface, his arms crossed in front of his chest. “God, you walk fast,” Rory panted as she caught up to him.

He didn’t look up at her words, but rather just continued to stare at his feet. He was too afraid to open his mouth. He knew that if he started responding that he’d end up yelling at her and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to do that just yet.

“Harry,” she reached her hand out and touched his shoulder gently. “Look at me.”

He lifted his head up in that moment, internally cringing when he looked into her oceanic eyes. Why did she have to be so beautiful? Why did she have to make it so fucking hard to be mad at her? He pushed his attraction towards her aside and stood his ground. “Fuck off, Aurora.”

“Seriously? You’re going to play that game?” if there was anything she refused to take it was being sworn at. She’d let Riley walk all over her, she sure as hell wasn’t going to give Harry the same luxury.

Harry’s eyes glazed over in anger. “I’m not the one playing games here, little one,” her nickname came out in a hiss instead of in its usual loving tone. “Yesterday you were fucking throwing yourself at me on the bus and now you’re hooking up with Zayn again?”

“I’m not hooking up with Zayn.”

Harry scoffed. “You’re also a really bad liar.”

“What’s your fucking problem?” Rory was basically yelling at this point. “You’re the one who pushed me away! You’re the one who said no! Why does it even fucking matter who I’m hooking up with?”

Harry tugged at his curls in frustration. She just didn’t _get it_. “I told you from day fucking one that I was jealous!” she didn’t expect Harry to scream back at her, but here he was, yelling at the top of his lungs. “It’s pretty fucking obvious that I’ve had a stupid, lame ass crush on you from the first day we met! And you just keep flaunting it in my face that you couldn’t care less about it! How the fuck am I supposed to feel about that?”

A heavy silence fell between them. Harry had just opened up Pandora’s Box. He’d just said the words that they’d both known but had never actually said aloud before. He had feelings for her. It was out in the open and there was definitely no going back now.

“I didn’t realize,” Rory started, her voice octaves lower than before. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Harry laughed sarcastically. “Please, you didn’t _hurt_ me. I’m not a fucking child. I get it, alright? Keep fucking him, I don’t give a shit anymore. I’m done.” He pushed himself off the wall, starting to move back towards the dressing room. He knew he’d have to try to fix his hair after he’d run his hands through it a million times and he only had fifteen minutes before the concert.

“Where are you going?” Rory called after him as he started to walk away.

He turned around but continued to walk backwards. “I have a concert to perform and I’d rather your face not be the last thing I see before I go on stage.”


	14. Can't Stop, Slow Down, I Want Ya

Rory was at a loss. She was sitting in the dressing room waiting for the concert to be over. She needed to talk to Harry. She needed to fix everything. She couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her. She should never have even kissed Zayn again, let alone touch him the way she had. She should have been thinking of Harry and how it would make him feel. But he’d pushed her away. He’d told her that he didn’t want to compromise their friendship. Was she supposed to not be with anyone else? Was Harry’s crush on her supposed to stop her from satisfying her needs?

Time passed slowly, and by the time the door to the dressing room was opening again Rory felt like she’d been sitting there in her thoughts for a days. She looked up to find the boys walking into the room, covered in sweat and basically yelling at the top of their lungs. She needed to get Harry alone, she needed to talk to him, but her heart sank when the door closed behind Niall and there was no Harry in sight.

“Where’s Harry?” she asked no one in particular.

Louis swallowed a mouthful of water before turning his attention to her. “He went back to the hotel. He’s in a pretty pissy mood, I can’t imagine why.”

His sarcasm wasn’t lost on Rory; she knew exactly what Louis was hinting at. She knew that Harry’s bad mood was completely her fault, and all she wanted to do was fix it. She pulled her cellphone out of her back pocket, feeling a sense of relief when she saw Harry’s name lit up across her screen. The relief was quickly squandered when she read the message.

**From: Harry  
** **Got you your own room. I moved your luggage to it. Ask the front desk for the key. They’ll be expecting you.**

Rory felt like she was going to start hyperventilating as she held back the tears that were threatening to spill over. Harry really didn’t want to see her – he didn’t even want to share a hotel room with her anymore. She started typing a reply, desperate to calm things over, desperate to fix everything she’d ruined.

**To: Harry  
Can we talk? Please. **

She waited for his response as she sat on the black leather sofa in the dressing room, completely unaware of all of the commotion that was going on around her. More than twenty minutes passed before her phone buzzed again. The words disappointing her more than the first message she’d received.

**From: Harry  
Go talk to Zayn. **

**To: Harry  
** **Please don’t do this**

**From: Harry  
** **Again. Go talk to Zayn. I literally have nothing left to say to you.**

Rory couldn’t stop the tears from escaping from her eyes. She wasn’t an idiot, she knew she’d hurt him, but she never thought he’d just push her away like this. She never thought that he’d refuse to talk things over, that he’d forget about their friendship and how much he meant to her. Obviously she’d done a fucking shitty job at proving herself to him, but he needed to give her another chance – a _third_ chance.

“You alright?” Zayn’s familiar accent was asking as he sat down beside her, a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other.

Rory wiped frantically at her tears. She didn’t want Zayn to see her like this. “I’m fine.”

His arm was wrapping around her shoulder in a mere second. “This ‘bout Harry?”

She nodded her head before taking the beer from Zayn’s hand and downing the rest of it in a single gulp. “He’s never going to talk to me again.”

“Wanna go somewhere quiet and talk ‘bout it?” when she raised her eyebrow Zayn chuckled. “Just as a friend, yeah? I promise I won’t try anything.”

Rory nodded her head again and let Zayn lead her out of the arena. Before she knew it, they were back at the hotel and sitting in the room Harry had gotten for her. She knew she shouldn’t be doing this. She knew that having Zayn in her hotel room was just asking for trouble, but she needed a friend and he seemed to be willing to be that for her. Besides, Harry had told her to go talk to Zayn – he couldn’t be mad that she was simply doing as she’d been told.

Her logic was clearly flawed.

“So, he’s all pissy because we hooked up?” Zayn asked once she’d filled him in on the argument she’d had with Harry at the arena.

Rory nodded her head. “I don’t think there’s any coming back from this. I think he’s actually done with me this time.”

“I don’t think so,” Zayn said as he poured some more vodka into their glasses. “I mean, anyone who spends time with the both of you knows how infatuated Harry is with you. I think he just needs time to get over it, is all.”

Rory couldn’t help but laugh at his choice of words. “He’s not _infatuated_ with me. He said it’s just some lame crush. If he was interested at all he wouldn’t have turned me down yesterday.”

“He’s either a fucking idiot or he has more self-control than I do. I don’t know how he was even capable of saying no to you.”

She couldn’t fight the blush that crept up her skin. She knew nothing could ever happen with Zayn again, not if she wanted to keep Harry in her life, but she also couldn’t forget about the fact that she’d been giving him a blow job just a couple of hours ago.

“Do you have feelings for him?”

Rory met Zayn’s eyes as the question left his mouth. She wasn’t sure how to answer it, not because she didn’t know if she wanted to tell the truth, but because she didn’t even know what the right answer was. Ev3rything about her and Harry’s friendship had become so complicated in the last few hours, and she didn’t know how she felt about any of it at all.

“I don’t know,” she explained honestly. “I haven’t known him that long and he’s already my best friend. He’s the only person I even trust, and I, I’m really scared of losing that.”

Zayn took a drink from his glass, a smile pulling at his lips. “Look, I’d rather you not have feelings for the guy and continue to give me fucking amazing head before every show, but I think it’s pretty obvious that you have some sort of feelings for him.”

Rory laughed at his honesty. “I don’t think I can risk what I have with him just because I may or may not feel something, you know?” she sighed and downed the rest of the vodka in her glass. “I’ve probably already fucked it all up anyways.”

Zayn’s hand moved to her thigh in a comforting gesture. He coughed awkwardly, realizing that he probably shouldn’t be touching her anymore, and pulled it away. “I don’t think you have to worry about that, Rory. I think he’d do anything for you. And if it makes anything easier, I’ll back off and let you guys sort out your feelings.”

Rory smiled slightly, turning so that she was facing him more. “I don’t regret anything, I hope you know that, but I think that’s probably for the best right now. I really don’t want to fuck up your friendship with Harry. I feel like I’ve already come between you guys.”

“Harry and I will be fine. We’re mates and guys tend to forgive each other more easily. I’ll let him fly off the handle for a few days and then he’ll get over it. He’ll forgive you too, love. He’ll realize soon that he has no right to be peeved at you.”

A knock on the hotel room door interrupted Rory’s thoughts, stopping her before she was able to say anything back. There was only one other person who knew which room she was staying at, and the realization of who was most likely standing on the other side of the door made her eyes grow wide in shock. She looked through the peephole on the door, confirming her suspicions. “It’s Harry,” she whispered to Zayn, whose reaction was only a slight shrug.

“May as well let him in so he can kick my arse for being here.”

Rory slowly opened the door to reveal Harry, who had his hands stuffed into the front pockets of his jeans and a frown set on his face. “Little one,” the nickname escaped his lips the second her face was visible. “I’m so sorr...” his apology was cut short as he looked over her shoulder and noticed Zayn standing there awkwardly near the bed. “Are you fucking serious?”

“Harry, it’s not like that,” Rory tried to explain the situation but he refused to listen. He pushed past her and stormed towards Zayn, who barely reacted as Harry fisted the collar of his shirt and shoved him against the wall.

“You’re supposed to be my brother,” Harry’s voice was a low growl as he glared into his bandmate’s eyes. “So much for being mates, yeah?”

“You’re overreacting, man,” Zayn countered as he pushed Harry off of him. “We were just talking.”

Harry let out a sarcastic laugh. “Oh sure, just like you were _just talking_ in the fucking dressing room earlier.”

“Look, mate, I’m sorry, yeah?” Zayn wasn’t quite sure if his apology was sincere, but he knew he had to give it either way, at least for Rory’s sake. “I’m backing off, okay? Nothing will ever happen between us again.”

Harry watched Zayn walk towards the door. “I don’t give a shit what happens between you two.”

Zayn rolled his eyes at his bandmate and offered a small smile to Rory. “Sure you don’t mate, that’s why you’re here throwing a temper tantrum. Stop acting like a five-year-old and grow a pair,” he squeezed Rory’s upper arm on his way out. “If you need anything, you know where to find me.”

She knew the comment would send Harry off the rails, and of course the sentence was barely out of Zayn’s mouth before Harry was throwing his hands up in the air and swearing again. “For someone who claims to be backing off he sure seems like he wants to keep fucking you.”

Rory winced as the words left his mouth and the door to the room closed, leaving her alone with Harry. “What are you even doing here? Did you just come here to slut shame me some more?”

“Are you fucked?” He was yelling, really yelling now. “I came here to fucking grovel for forgiveness like some stupid puppy, but fuck that!”

Rory was done, so completely done with the way he was treating her. She knew this mess was partly her fault, she knew she should never have hooked up with Zayn again, but Harry had no right to say anything. “I gave you a chance!” She yelled back. She didn’t care if the rooms beside hers could hear everything they were saying. She didn’t have enough energy to care. “Like you said, I threw myself at you and you said no!”

“So, what? You’re so desperate that you fuck the first guy who says yes? If Zayn hadn’t been around would have sucked Niall off? Maybe Liam? Oh, I bet Louis wouldn’t mind a go at you. I bet if you play your cards right you could fuck every member of the band by Wednesday.”

Rory couldn’t stop herself – before she even really knew what she was doing she was shoving Harry’s chest with all her strength. “You’re a fucking asshole, you know that?”

“And you’re a fucking asshole too, Rory. Fine match we are.” He spat back, barely moving an inch from her shove. “You’re a bit fucked up, if you hadn’t noticed.”

“Don’t you think I have a right to be? What’s your excuse? Too rich and famous?”

Harry let his head fall back in frustration, his hands pulling at the ends of his curls. “My excuse is that I ever told you I just wanted to be friends when all I want is to be whatever the fuck you need me to be!”

Rory considered his words for exactly two seconds before she pounced on him, throwing her arms around his neck and crashing her lips against his. She really had no idea what she was doing, but his lips felt like absolute magic and she needed more. She could not possibly go on without having more. Harry’s hands were grasping at her bum, encouraging her to jump up and wrap her legs around his waist. He walked with her wrapped around him until her back was hitting the wall roughly, sending the painting that was hung there crashing to the ground. Harry’s hands slammed into the wall on either side of Rory’s head as his lips attacked her jaw, her neck, her collarbones. He’d been waiting for this moment since New Year’s Eve and he wasn’t about to waste a single moment. He needed all of her.

“Harry,” Rory moaned his name as his teeth nipped at her neck. He wanted to leave as many love bites on her as possible. He wanted everyone to know that she was his, even if she really wasn’t – not in the way that mattered.

Harry’s dick was absolutely aching from the way his name fell from her lips. “Say it again,” he groaned before attaching his mouth to a different spot on her neck, leaving another little red mark in its wake. “Tell me how bad you want me.”

“Fuck, Harry,” Rory groaned as Harry grinded his center into hers. “I want you so bad. I need you so bad.”

The noise that came from Harry’s throat resembled a whine. He needed to get a handle on himself. He’d been dreaming of this moment for so long, and the last thing he wanted was for it to end so soon. He grabbed onto her ass again, walked her over to the bed and throwing her down on it. He stood at the edge of the bed and stared down at her with hooded eyes. Even fully clothed she was a goddess. He pulled her legs until her bum was at the edge of the bed so that he could pull her yoga pants down. He inhaled a sharp breath as his eyes ravished over the black, lacy thong that was now exposed.

“The things I want to do to you,” Harry moaned as he slid his hands up her thighs before pulling her sweatshirt and tank top over her head in one motion. “You have no idea.”

“Show me.”

Harry practically growled as he dropped to his knees at the edge of the bed, his hands prying Rory’s thighs apart. He blew a light breath of air over the thin fabric that was covering her most sensitive area, marveling in the way her body squirmed and her back arched at the sensation. He could devour her and still never get enough.

“Harry, stop teasing,” she moaned as he darted a kitten lick across the fabric of her panties.

He hooked two fingers into the lace and pulled them down in haste, not wasting any more time. He connected his mouth to her heat instantly, his tongue ravishing in her taste. He’d dreamt of this moment, he’d fucked his fist to the very _idea_ of this moment, and now he was actually experiencing it. She tasted better than he’d ever imagined possible – his tongue could live the rest of eternity inside of her and be perfectly content. It was pure bliss.

“You taste so good, baby,” he praised against her center. “I want your come on my tongue.”

Rory moaned loudly, filling the silence of the room with a string of curses and Harry’s name. She came undone as Harry continued his assault with his tongue, moaning against her as she finally released.

“I need you so bad,” she whined as she watched him strip out of his clothing and climb up her body.”

Harry stopped once his body was aligned with hers, placing a kiss on her lips before moving his mouth to her ear. “I’m all yours.”

He pushed inside of her with no warning, his eyes rolling back at the way she felt – the way she was clenching around him. He’d always known that she’d feel amazing wrapped around his cock, but he could never have guessed that she’d feel this good. It was as if she was made for him, her body carved just for Harry. He was sure if he even moved an inch he’d come instantly –  it was all too much, too intense.

“Fuck me, Harry,” Rory breathed the words as she stared into Harry’s eyes, smiling at the way he moaned at her words. She didn’t need to tell him twice. Harry thrusted into her, his eyes screwing shut as he tried to hold off for as long as he could. It was perfect. She was perfect.

It was over far too quickly, but it could have lasted for hours and it still wouldn’t have been enough. They lay beside each other, chests heaving and bodies sweating.

“That was...” Rory began, still trying to catch her breath.

“Fucking perfect,” Harry chuckled as he finished her sentence. He turned on his side so that he was facing her, committing her post-orgasm face to memory. He reached over and moved the hair off her forehead. He loved that he’d made her sweat like that. He loved that he’d made her moan and come undone. He could easily spend the rest of his life making her come over and over again.

“Yeah, it was fucking perfect,” Rory agreed before pinning him back down to the bed and straddling his hips. “If I’d known you could do me like that I would have jumped you so much sooner.”

Harry laughed, his dimples deep and lovely. He pulled her close to her body, his arms wrapping around her and holding her tight. “You haven’t even seen the best of it yet, little one.”

“Mmm,” Rory mumbled as she felt herself begin to drift into the familiar pattern of sleep. “Can’t wait, Curly.”

 

*           *           *

 

The hotel room was lit up with the early morning sun, stirring Rory from her dream. She slowly opened her eyes, her mind instantly replaying every single moment from the night before. Harry was asleep beside her, the duvet tucked in at his waist, his chest and tattoos on full display. _Oh, so it hadn’t just been a dream._ She reached out and ran her finger over his chest, outlining one of the sparrows that was inked on his skin. Harry was beautiful. He was possibly the most beautiful boy she’d ever laid eyes on. And he cared for her, really cared for her. But neither of these facts erased the sheer panic that seemed to be coursing through her veins.

“Morning,” Harry’s voice was deep and rough, blanketed by sleep.

She smiled as she moved to trace over the butterfly that was etched into his stomach. His eyes fluttered open for a mere second before falling closed again. “Morning.”

Harry knew that if she kept touching him like that, if she kept lightly tracing his skin, that he was going to spontaneously combust. He shuffled closer towards her until his body was flush against hers – perfectly aligned. He groaned at the friction that was created by his dick rubbing against her bare thigh, his boxer briefs the only barrier between their skin. He was hard. God, she made him _so_ hard. “Sorry,” he mumbled a quick apology and attempted to move his center away from her, to give her some space.

Rory had other plans in mind, especially when she was letting her hand wander down his stomach until she was cupping him over his underwear. “Am I allowed to help this time?”

Harry’s eyes shot open at her question, admiring the look of innocence that she was wearing on her face. He nodded his head quickly. “Yeah, uh, yeah,” he stumbled as he stared into his blue eyes. “I’d love that.”

She smiled brightly before taking his face in her hands and kissing his mouth. She darted her tongue against his bottom lip, begging him to let her in. They massaged their tongues against one another’s for several lazy minutes, each of them relishing in the fact that their lips seemed to connect perfectly. Rory pulled out of the kiss slowly, taking Harry’s bottom lip between her teeth and tugging on it briefly before she set him free and began to work her way down his chest.

“You’re bloody perfect,” Harry moaned, running his hands through her blonde locks as she ran her tongue along the butterfly, nipping at his skin along the way. “You know that right?”

Rory looked up at him from underneath her eyelashes. “You gonna shut up and let me blow you now?” the words were vulgar but she looked so innocent, so sweet as she stared up at him. Harry couldn’t help but moan.

He didn’t bother responding with any real words, he just let her strip him of his boxers and run her tongue along his shaft. He was already beyond hard for her, his cock twitching and aching just from waking up beside her. He hadn’t even known it was possible to be so turned on by such little contact, but here he was, leaking precome before she’d even taken his cock into her mouth. It was official – Rory was a fucking goddess.

Rory had only just swallowed Harry’s release before he was pulling her back towards him and kissing her hard on the mouth. He wanted to avoid the conversation he knew they had to have. He wanted to stay in the little bubble they’d created in her hotel room and never let go.

Rory curled up beside Harry, flinging an arm across his waist and laying her head on his chest. She could feel the rhythm on his heart; she could tell that he was just as nervous (maybe even more so) as she was. She knew what came next. They had to talk about what had happened and what it all meant. They had to define whatever it was that was happening between them. They had to ruin it all by having some ridiculous conversation that would probably end with someone getting hurt. She may as well start them off.

“Harry,” his name came out in a whisper as she tried to work up the courage to say the words that were on her mind. “What exactly...I mean...fuck, I’m kind of panicking over here.”

Harry took a deep breath, trying his best not to let his exhale come out shaky but failing. “So am I, little one.”

“Yeah?” she felt better knowing that he was feeling the same way, that he was struggling to catch a grip as well.

He threaded his fingers through her hair, rubbing gentle circles on her scalp. “Yeah.”

“What are you thinking about?” Rory prodded.

He took in another shaky breath, pausing for a moment to collect his thoughts. “I’m thinking that that was the best blow job I’ve ever gotten,” he admitted with a light chuckle. “I’m thinking that being with you last night was really bloody amazing.”

“It was.”

“But I’m also thinking about the fact that I know you aren’t looking for something. I know you don’t want to like, be with me, in the way that I want to be with you.”

Rory’s heart dropped to his stomach at his words. ‘Harry...”

He cut her off before she could continue, before she could say something she didn’t really mean – before she could get his hopes up. “It’s okay, yeah? I’m not going to lie and pretend like I don’t want you, like I don’t have this huge...crush on you. But, I need you to know that I’m not expecting anything from you. I know I can’t do that, I know I can’t expect you to want me like that, or to be ready to want me like that.”

Her fingers fell to the butterfly, once again finding comfort in tracing the lines of the artwork. “Really?”

“Yes, really. You’re one of the most important people in my life, and honestly, I’m kind of willing to just like, take what I can get. If that means I get to be your best friend than that’s perfectly okay with me. If that means one day you fall madly in love with me and have my babies than that’s a bonus.”

Rory laughed at his pathetic attempt at humour. “And you’re okay with the fact that this, the sex, it won’t happen again? It won’t be too awkward?”

Harry sighed dramatically. “I’ll probably die if I never get to see you come again,” he laughed when Rory slapped his chest jokingly. “But seriously, little one, it won’t be awkward at all. Things weren’t awkward after New Year’s, right? Everything will be the same, except now we’ll know what the other person looks like naked and how good my dick looks in your mouth.”

Rory covered her eyes, a groan escaping her mouth. “And you’ll spend the rest of eternity making sexual innuendos.”

“Better get used to it, babe.”


	15. I Will See You Again, a Long Time From Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit shorter, only because it felt right to end it where I did. I promise a longer chapter next time around xx

Weeks flew by, and before Rory knew it, it was mid-March and they were in Manchester. Life on tour was chaotic and constant. She’d barely even had time to think, she’d been so busy chasing after Lux and spending time with the guys. Nothing had happened between her and Harry since Glasgow, but he’d been right, it hadn’t made anything awkward between them. Their friendship was as strong as ever. Harry kept to his promise and didn’t let her forget the fact that they’d slept together, and she was sure that everyone must have caught on to all of his sexual innuendos at this point, but it didn’t bother her. She was just beyond grateful that their friendship had remained intact regardless of the fact that she couldn’t give him what he really wanted.

“So, you’re off for like a month?” Niall asked Rory. They were all sitting backstage at the Manchester Arena, the boys running around and taking part in their usual preshow shenanigans.

Rory was laying on the couch, her head in Niall’s lap and her feet in Harry’s. The three of them had been nearly inseparable the last couple of weeks. “Yeah, Tom’s going to stay with Lou and Lux on the bus while we’re still in the UK.”

“What are you gonna do with all that time?”

“No clue,” Rory admitted. “I’m thinking of maybe going to Holmes Chapel to visit my grandparents for a couple days or something when you guys are playing those shows in London.”

Her and Harry had talked about it relentlessly. They’d listed the pros and cons of her trying to form some sort of relationship with Margaret and Nicolas, and in the end the pros had outweighed the cons. There was so much she felt she’d missed out on with them, and a part of her couldn’t help but be mad at her mom for keeping them out of her life. She’d spent the better part of her lifetime truly thinking they’d wanted nothing to do with her, but that hadn’t been the case at all. And she couldn’t deny the fact that they held the answers to so many of her questions. She needed them, but most of all she _wanted_ them in her life.

“We could go to the driving range on one of our days off,” Niall suggested. “I can teach you the ways of golf.”

“Oh, she already knows a thing or two about handling balls, Nialler, trust me.” Harry chirped from his spot on the couch.

“Is that a fact, Z?” Louis took this particular moment to join the conversation, turning to Zayn for his two cents. “FYI, love, you’re never living this down,” he added as he turned back to Rory.

“Oh, leave her alone, lads,” Niall jumped to Rory’s defense.

Louis snorted, a grin on his face. “I’m a tad offended that I wasn’t given the opportunity to judge her ball-handling skills meself.”

“Fuck right off, Lou,” Harry extended his leg, kicking Louis' shin. He tightened the grip he had on Rory’s legs, his fingers almost claiming their territory. He knew she wasn’t his, that he didn’t have any sort of claim over her at all, but he would die before letting her go. He would die before seeing her with anyone else.

 

*           *           *

 

“You sure you’re going to be alright?” They were standing at Kings Cross station, Rory on her way to Holmes Chapel for a couple days and Harry hating to even think about having to spend three days without her. His life had gotten exponentially better since having her around all of the time, and he knew that three days shouldn’t feel like forever, but it did. “You should have just taken my car.”

Rory rolled her eyes. He’d been trying to give her the keys to his Range Rover since she’d planned the trip. The last thing she wanted was to be entrusted with an $80,000 car. “Do you remember what happened the last time I tried to drive to Holmes Chapel?”

“True, the last thing I want is for my baby to get hurt,” Harry watched with a smile as Rory seemed to melt at his use of the word _baby_. “I meant my Rover, not you.”

“You’re such a dick,” Rory chided as she playfully slapped him on the arm.

His smile grew as he took her by the waist and pulled her close. “You love it,” he stated as he hugged her, taking a moment to commit the smell of her shampoo and the way she felt tucked in against his chest to memory. “I’m going to miss you, little one. Hug my mum for me?”

“I’m gonna miss you too, Curly,” Rory stretched on her tiptoes to place a kiss on Harry’s cheek. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

He sighed into the feeling of her lips on his skin, and after all of the self-restraint he’d used in the past few weeks he couldn’t fight the urge anymore. He didn’t think twice before taking her face in his hands and covering her lips with his own. He hadn’t planned on kissing her, in fact he’d spent the last few weeks actively trying _not_ to kiss her. But here he was, moving his lips against hers and sighing into her mouth when she finally gave into the kiss.

“Text me,” Harry said simply as he stepped back from their embrace.

Rory nodded her head, thankful for the fact that they were in a silent agreement to ignore what had just happened. She enjoyed kissing Harry, she couldn’t deny that simple fact. But she was nowhere near ready to analyze what enjoying kissing Harry even really meant. “Kick ass tonight, Curly.”

*           *           *

 

Anne was waiting for Rory when she got off the train. Harry had insisted that Anne would want to have tea with her and feed her while she was in Holmes Chapel, and as ready as Rory felt, she knew she’d rather see Anne waiting for her at the train station than her grandparents.

“Rory, love,” Anne cooed as she pulled Rory into a tight hug. It was moments like these that reminded her just how much she missed her own mother. “It’s so good to see you. Did you have a good train ride?”

They made small talk on the short drive back to Anne and Robin’s house. Rory couldn’t help but smile once she was sitting around the familiar kitchen table, sipping a cup of tea and chatting with Anne. She felt so comfortable in that house, almost as if it was home. Harry’s family was just like him: kind, funny and so easy to be around.

“You know, I think my son may be in love with you,” Anne said out of the blue, once they’d finished talking about how she was going to London for the concert the next night.

Rory almost spit out her tea at Anne’s flippant statement. “Uh, I don’t,” she was stuttering and stumbling over her words. She knew her face must be a million different shades of red. “He’s not in love with me.”

Anne was laughing at her reaction which only made Rory blush more. “Oh, don’t worry, dear, it’s not a big deal. It’s just what I think, I mean, he kissed you at the concert and he talks about you constantly.”

“We’re just friends,” it wasn’t a lie, not really. They were just friends who occasionally kissed and who’d slept together. They were just friends even though Harry had confessed his feelings for her. _They were just friends._

Anne held her hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay, I believe you,” she took another sip from her tea before speaking again. “But if you two ever happen to not just be friends, Robin and I would be very happy. Just so you know.”

 

*            *          *

 

“It means so much to us that you are visiting,” Margaret stated as she placed a plate of cookies on the coffee table. It was later in the day and Rory was now sitting in her grandparents’ living room, drinking yet another cup of tea and making somewhat awkward conversation with Margaret and Nicolas.

“Where’s that boyfriend of yours?” Nicolas asked, his mouth full of one of the cookies from the plate.

Rory furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. “Boyfriend? Who are you talking about?”

“That nice lad you brought here last time, the one who used to work in the bakery,” Nicolas explained.

“Oh, Harry? He’s playing a show in London with his band,” Rory answered. “He’s not my boyfriend though.”

“Oh,” Margaret sounded surprised, as if it was the biggest shock ever. “You two were so cute together, what happened?”

It took Rory a moment to realize that her grandmother thought that her and Harry had broken up, not that they had never been together in the first place. “No, no. I just meant we were never dating. He’s my best friend.” Apparently today was the day of explaining her and Harry’s non-relationship to everyone. Apparently they were completely incapable of coming across as only friends, and apparently the fact that they weren’t dating was a great disappointment to the people in their lives.

It disappointed Harry too.

Rory waited until they were sitting around the dinner table to bring up the conversation. She was worried that they wouldn’t want to talk about it. She was worried that they’d never forgive her for keeping her mother’s illness and death from them.

“I was thinking, maybe, if you’d like,” god, she couldn’t even get the words out of her mouth. “I was wondering if you’d like to bury mom’s ashes here?”

Nicolas and Margaret both stared at her in astonishment. It was the last thing either of them had expected her to say, and they could tell that it was the last thing Rory had ever expected to suggest. The thought had crossed her mind several times in the past couple of months, and it wasn’t until she’d talked to Harry about it that she made the decision to offer them the chance to bury their daughter. She didn’t understand a single thing about the relationship her mom had with her parents, but she wasn’t about to deny Margaret and Nicolas a chance to say goodbye. She’d had all the time in the world, well, she’d had all the time her mom had left after the diagnosis. She’d said her own goodbye so many different times. She’d been wrapped up in the whole process of Lillian’s death, but Margaret and Nicolas hadn’t even been slightly involved. They hadn’t gotten the chance to kiss their daughter’s forehead or hold her hand. They hadn’t gotten the chance to tell her how much they loved her. And that just wasn’t right – it wasn’t fair.

“You’d want that?” Margaret’s eyes were wet, filling with tears.

Rory nodded her head. She could feel her own tears forming. “I think that’s what she’d want too.”

Margaret was out of her chair in an instant, her arms wrapping around Rory and holding her close. She was sobbing, tears of happiness streaming down her face. “Thank you so much.”

 

*            *             *

 

Rory was set to head back to London first thing the following morning. She’d been in Holmes Chapel for two days, and while she was ready to get back to everyone (namely, Harry), there was still so much of this trip left that she needed to accomplish. She’d given Nicolas and Margaret freedom over the burial of her mom’s ashes. They’d agreed to do it during a time where Rory had a day or two off so that she could be there, but other than that minute detail, she’d wanted them to do it however they wanted. All that was left for her to do was to broach the topic of her mom’s past. There was so much she wanted to know – so much she _needed_ to know, and Nicolas and Margaret were the only people with the information she was looking for.

She waited until after dinner, when they’d all settled into the sitting room with their usual cups of tea. She’d been trying to work up the courage for the entire day. She wasn’t quite sure why she was so nervous. She knew they’d be willing to give her the answers she was looking for, but that didn’t stop the butterflies from swarming around in her stomach. She _needed_ to know these things, but a part of her was angry at herself for wanting to know them. All her life she’d been perfectly content with it just being her and her mom – why did she need more now?

“I was wondering,” Rory started off quietly, still battling her anxieties. “I was wondering if you’d tell me more about mom.”

Margaret put her teacup down before folding her hands in her lap. “Of course, dear. What all would you like to know?”

“Everything,” Rory answered. “I just, I don’t know anything about her. I want to know what she was like as a kid and why she pushed you guys away. I want to know more about my father and why he just left like that. I want to know everything you can tell me.”

“Lillian was a wonderful child,” Nicolas was the one to speak next. Rory’s heart swelled when she took in the fondness he had on his face while speaking of his daughter. “She was always so happy, so well-mannered. She had a huge imagination. Would always play dress-up and ride around the town on her bicycle pretending it was a motorbike. She had so many friends. They’d always have big sleep overs, and in the summertime we’d let them have a campout in the backyard. Of course when she became a teenager she didn’t like to do those things quite as much.”

“She was beautiful,” Margaret piped in. “I mean, of course you know that, you look just like her. There were always boys coming ‘round and vying for her affection. She never paid much attention to any of them though. She didn’t even really show any interest in dating until she went to America and met Marcus.”

 _Marcus_ – Rory’s deadbeat of a father. Just the sound of his name filled her mouth with a sour taste, and she could tell that it was not a welcomed name for her grandparents either. “What was he like?”

Margaret sighed. “Handsome, and filthy rich. We’d always been able to give your mum everything she needed, but he gave her everything she ever _wanted._ His dad ran some sort of hotel chain and he was set up to inherit quite a lot of money. I guess he was smitten with Lillian the second they met in Los Angeles. When they came back here, when they told us you were pregnant, they were engaged to be married. She had this ridiculous diamond on her finger and she was so happy. Of course, that quickly faded when we didn’t immediately approve of the situation. There was something about that boy that just didn’t sit well with us. I never really believed that he loved her, or that his parents thought she was good enough for him. When he was here you could see the judgment on his face. He thought we were small folk, and that Holmes Chapel was some poor little village. It was just so obvious that one day he’d wake up and think of Lillian in the same way. Anyways, they left for Los Angeles even though we begged Lillian to stay.”

“But you guys kept in touch for the first little while, right?” Rory questioned.

Margaret nodded her head. “Yes, and we came to visit the second you were born. You were such a lovely baby, and we came to visit every year until that photo you mentioned – the one where you’re five. That was the last time your mum let us come.”

“What happened? Why did he leave us?” Rory didn’t know if she even really wanted the answer to this particular question, but she knew somewhere deep down she’d always be curious. She would always wonder why her and her mom weren’t enough for the man who’d helped bring her into this world.

“Your father, not that I even like to call him that because he’s played no role in your life, he never married Lillian,” Margaret explained. “His parents put up this big stink about the whole situation. They went on and on about how our Lillian wasn’t good enough for him and that she had gotten pregnant on purpose so she could take all his money. I guess one day he decided they were right, because he left. His family set up an account for you to help pay for your education and upbringing but it was with the expectation that your mother would not interfere in Marcus’ life or future.”

“So, he just...walked away? He spent two years being my dad and then just walked away like it was the easiest thing in the world?”

Margaret sighed again, moving so that she was sitting beside Rory on the couch and was close enough to wrap an arm around her shoulders. “If you ask me dear, he wasn’t ready to be a dad. And I’m not saying that that makes it alright, because it certainly doesn’t. But he was just a kid himself, I mean, twenty-three is still so young to become a parent. And his parents, from what Lillian told us, they were awful people and they tried to control everything about his life.”

“He’s still a bastard though,” Nicolas added. “He still hurt our Lillian in such a terrible way and left her all alone. And he turned her against us. She wouldn’t even let us help. It was as if he made her believe that she really did come from nothing – that we were nothing. We tried to convince her to move back home, but she didn’t want our help. And the more we fought about little things like that the more she pushed us away, until one day she just stopped returning our calls and letters.”

Margaret squeezed Rory’s shoulder. “If there was anything I could do differently, I would go back and just let her live her life so that we at least could have been a part of it.”

Rory took a deep breath. There was one last thing she needed to ask and it was now or never. “You know that letter she wrote you? The one I came here to give you? Do you think I could read it?”

Margaret nodded her head, motioning for Nicolas to go retrieve the letter. Once the letter was in Rory’s hands, her grandparents made their way back to the kitchen, giving her some privacy to read the words her mother had written months ago while lying on her deathbed. Her hands tremble as she pulls the piece of paper out of its envelope, taking a deep breath before unfolding it and staring at her mother’s familiar handwriting.

_Dear Mum and Dad,  
            I don’t even know where to start. It’s been far too long since I’ve written the words “mum and dad” and I am so truly sorry for that. If there’s something that I’ve learned in the last year it’s that life is far too short to spend it angry and pushing people away. _

_I guess I should just get right to it. If you’re reading this, that means that I’ve died and Rory has done the last thing I asked her to do, which was to bring this letter to you. I wish I could turn back time. I wish I could go back and call you when I was diagnosed. I wish I could have spent the last year making amends for being the world’s worst daughter. But it’s too late now and there’s no point in dwelling on what I should have done._

_When the doctors told me I was going to die, that the cancer was no longer treatable, the first thing I thought of was that I was leaving Rory all alone. I was so selfish all this time, trying to keep her all to myself, acting as though she didn’t have two lovely grandparents who would do anything for her. I should never have kept her from you. I should have let you have a relationship with her, even if I didn’t want to have one with you. But really, I should have swallowed my pride and been your daughter. I should have realized that you only wanted to keep me safe and happy. I should have listened. I wish I could do everything differently._

_The second thing I thought of was that there was no way I was going to let Rory spend the rest of her life without a family. I know one day she’ll meet a man and have a family of her own, but I want her to be a part of the Walters family, to know where she came from and who she is. She’s a lot like me, but she’s more like you two than I’d ever care to admit. I know she’d love you guys so much and that you’d get along so well. But I also know that I’ve done a terrible job. It wasn’t ever my intention to have her believe that you actively chose not to be a part of our lives, but that is what I’ve done. And since she’s a lot like me, she’ll most likely be full of anger and resentment when she drops off this letter. She’ll probably tell you that she doesn’t need you, just like I did when I was her age. But Mum, Dad, she does need you – I did need you. I know I have no right to ask anything of you, not after everything I’ve done, but please don’t let her push you away. Give her some time, give her some space, and then reach out to her. The part of her that’s like you, that part will cave in and realize that she needs a family. So please, do that for me. Don’t let her go._

_I hope you both know how much I love you. I wish I would have actually told you that, or at least shown you in some sort of way. But I was a resentful and angry child who let something so silly and meaningless come between us. I’ve spent the better part of my life googling the Holmes Chapel obituaries to make sure that I haven’t lost you for good, how morbid is that? What I should have been spending my time on was picking up the phone and calling you. I will be forever sorry for cutting you out of my life._

_I probably should be calling instead of writing this letter, but I’ve always been a coward. I know that I don’t have much time left, and I just can’t bring myself to pick up the phone and tell you that your Lily pad is sick. I’ll always be your little Lily pad._

_I’m so sorry for everything._

_Love always,_

_Lillian._

_Ps. When the time is right, Rory’s address is:_

_1412-1100 Lakefront Ave  
San Diego, California 10118_

Rory set the letter down on the cushion beside hers, her hands shaking more than they were before. She hadn’t known what to expect from the letter, but she certainly hadn’t expected for her mom to lay it all out there, to admit that she’d messed up. She hadn’t expected for her to express her fear of Rory being alone and without a family. And she certainly hadn’t expected her to basically beg Margaret and Nicolas to reach out and form a relationship with her. But it had all been there, written in her mother’s perfect cursive writing. Rory didn’t need to feel guilty for wanting to form a relationship with her grandparents, for needing something else in her life – it was what her mother had wanted all along. Lillian didn’t want Rory to push people away the way she’d pushed her parents away. She wanted Rory to be surrounded by people who loved her.

The thing was, was Rory had spent the last twenty-two years of her life learning from her mother. She’d learned to keep people at arm’s length. She’d learned that she didn’t need others to get through life. Maybe she knew better than that now, but it certainly wasn’t something she could just fix over night. She couldn’t just learn to let people in just by snapping her fingers. It was going to take time, and all she could do was hope that she didn’t push away those who loved her for good in the process.


End file.
